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  • So a couple weeks ago Chris and I went to San Francisco to shoot some videos.

    幾個禮拜之前,克里斯和我去了舊金山

  • While we were there however we managed to stumble across a Future Toilet.

    拍攝一些影片

  • I had a great time using the Future Toilet.

    然而當我們到那裡時,卻偶然發現了

  • I used the Future Toilet and it was a nightmare.

    一個「未來馬桶」

  • 2 guys try a bidet for the frist time

    我還滿享受使用未來馬桶的

  • But it's a toilet that has a bidet built in

    我用了未來馬桶,它簡直是場惡夢

  • and also other features.

    兩個大男人的洗屁屁初體驗

  • I'm excited.

    這是個有內建噴水清潔裝置的馬桶

  • I've never used a Future Toilet.

    跟一些其他功能

  • This is big for me.

    我好興奮

  • And Keith is infectious.

    我從來沒用過未來馬桶

  • You know his enthusiasm made me go,

    對我來說是個大挑戰

  • "You know I don't have to poop,

    基斯很有說服力

  • but I want to try the Future Toilet."

    你懂的,他的熱情讓我下定決心嘗試

  • So of course I pull out my cell phone.

    「我其實沒有要大便,

  • But now I had to use the bathroom.

    只是想用用看未來馬桶」

  • I actually really had to use the bathroom.

    當然地,我拿出我的手機

  • And then awesome.

    但現在我需要上廁所

  • I'm done using the bathroom.

    我是真的需要上廁所

  • Now the fun begins.

    之後超酷的事就發生了

  • Oooh (laugh).

    我上完廁所

  • All right, I see.

    好玩的來了

  • This is great.

    喔!

  • So it's like okay, I get it, but I want more.

    好窩,我懂了

  • You know, so I upped the pressure a little bit.

    真棒耶

  • I can go max pressure.

    我懂這種感覺了,還真不錯,但我還想要更多

  • I'm like full blast.

    所以我稍微加大了噴水的力道

  • This is great.

    我要試試最大的力道

  • This is amazing, I feel so clean.

    我好喜歡水柱全力暴衝屁屁的感覺

  • So Keith probably told a story about how he warmed it up and tried to like figure things out.

    真舒服

  • I just sat down and was ready to go.

    這個超棒,我覺得好乾淨

  • Once again, I did not have to poop.

    基斯講了一個小故事

  • Max pressure so I guess I just start it at max pressure.

    關於他怎麼調適心情

  • Ummm, oh God. Oh my God.

    並試著搞懂這馬桶是怎麼一回事

  • Ahh.

    我已經坐在馬桶上,準備好要開始了

  • I feel so clean.

    再聲明一次,我沒有要大便

  • Oh my God.

    我決定要先挑戰最大的噴水力道

  • I feel so clean.

    喔喔喔,我的天啊~~~

  • I think this thing goes forever.

    啊~

  • Bzzzzz, and so it goes like bzzzz.

    感覺清潔溜溜

  • And it's like oh, it doesn't stop on its own.

    我的天啊

  • It will just keep going unless you stop it.

    真的是乾淨到不行

  • So I'm sitting there with just water

    我覺得這水柱好像會噴一輩子

  • shooting out my empty (beep) hole.

    滋滋滋,一直噴一直噴,滋滋滋

  • Um, not cleaning anything off of it,

    就像它不會自己停止一樣

  • just penetrating me with water.

    它會一直噴下去,直到你關掉為止

  • Now here's the good part.

    所以我只好坐在那裡讓水柱

  • I turn the bidet off and I'm like well, okay,

    噴射我空虛的屁*

  • I guess I just got shot in the (beep) with some water.

    它沒有把任何東西清乾淨

  • I guess that was supposed to be relaxing.

    它只是在用水柱貫穿我

  • Huh, I guess I have to poop now.

    現在來到了好的部分

  • But of course I had to poop

    我把噴水裝置關掉,覺得自己其實還滿OK的

  • because I essentially had a water balloon in my (beep) hole.

    我猜我的屁*剛剛只是被射進一點水

  • So I start pooping and it's just a waterfall,

    我猜那應該會滿紓壓的

  • just water just comes out of my butt

    嘖嘖,我猜我現在要去大便了

  • and then poop follows it.

    我當然得要大便

  • It's not really diarrhea.

    因為基本上我的屁*裡面就像有個水球

  • It's just like poop paste like and it's like everywhere.

    所以我開始狂大便,就像洩洪一樣

  • I feel clean. I feel refreshed.

    水源源不絕的從我的屁股跑出來

  • And I don't even know what part of me

    然後接著跑出來的是便便

  • isn't full of poop anymore.

    那不是真的拉肚子

  • Overall for me I had a great time using the Future Toilet.

    它就像無所不在的便便漿糊

  • I felt alone and with a machine.

    好乾淨唷,我覺得屁屁重生了

  • Oddly, slightly aroused and I don't know

    我甚至搞不清楚我身體的哪一個部分

  • if that's a bidet feature but that's just what was going on!

    沒有裝滿便便

  • I'm like I've got to go.

    總而言之,對我來說用未來馬桶是個不錯的體驗

  • I don't even know what just happened.

    我覺得很孤獨無助,只有一個機器陪伴我

  • I feel violated.

    匪夷所思的是我竟然勃起了,我不知道

  • It was a great experience.

    這是不是噴水功能的主打特色,只覺得「這是怎麼一回事」!

  • I think if I had the option I would use it all the time.

    我只想著我不玩了

  • It's like traumatizing to me,

    我甚至不知道剛剛發生了什麼

  • but Keith thinks it's really funny

    人家覺得被侵犯

  • so he set up lights and a background

    這是很棒的經驗

  • for us to talk to a camera about this story.

    如果可以選擇的話,我會一直使用它

  • And it's really just about how terrible my experience was.

    對我來說造成精神創傷

  • I don't really want this to go on the internet.

    但是基斯覺得很好玩

  • I've like lost track of what is

    所以他親手架好燈光和背景

  • and what isn't private anymore.

    讓我們在鏡頭前談談這個故事

  • I work at BuzzFeed (laugh).

    而這真的是在訴說我超悲慘的經歷

So a couple weeks ago Chris and I went to San Francisco to shoot some videos.

幾個禮拜之前,克里斯和我去了舊金山

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「未來馬桶」初體驗 Two Guys Try A Future Toilet

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    王妍心 發佈於 2015 年 05 月 17 日
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