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  • This is you.

    這是你。

  • These are your friends and family, the people who matter, who love you, who make life worth living.

    這些是你的朋友、家人,這些人很重要,很愛你,讓你的人生活著有意義。

  • And these are the people you spend all your time with.

    而這些則是你花所有時間相處的人。

  • The six co-workers you'll have.

    你會有的六種同事。

  • The crush.

    暗戀的那位。

  • You're like Jim and Pam.

    你們就像 Jim 和 Pam。

  • Yeah, let's pretend that's the perfect example for workplace romance.

    對,我們假設那就是辦公室戀情的最佳典範。

  • Oh, okay, well, at least your ears work better than your dick.

    很好,至少你的耳朵比你的老二有用多了。

  • One night, you finally work up the courage.

    某個晚上,你終於鼓起勇氣。

  • Remember when you saw "Thor: The Dark World" on a plane and thought it was your favorite movie for months until you watched it at home and realized you didn't love it

    記得你在飛機上看了《雷神索爾 2》,然後有好幾個月都把它當作你的最愛電影,直到你在家看了,才發覺你根本不喜歡它嗎?

  • Yeah. You'll be taking the long way to the break room for a few weeks.

    是的,你將會有好幾週會盡量避開休息室。

  • The creep.

    怪咖。

  • Drunken mistakes aren't the only office hazard. There isn't just one species of creep.

    酒後亂性不是辦公室唯一的風險。還有很多種怪人。

  • There's a whole spectrum, and your local variety may differ by climate, available prey, and proximity of J. crew outlet.

    那可是有整整一系列的,而你身旁的那類可能因為氣溫、可接近獵物和跟 J crew 暢貨中心的遠近度而有所差異。

  • [Preppy Creep] You're free Friday night?

    [初階怪咖] 你星期五有空嗎?

  • Because my dad got an open tab at the yacht club.

    因為我爸在遊艇俱樂部上有免費暢飲酒吧。

  • [Regressive Asshole Creep] Please, a dame only gets paid less if she can't keep up with the men around her, or she's ugly.

    [混蛋怪咖] 女人只有在搞不定身旁的男人時才會得到很少錢,或是長得很醜。

  • [Too-Touchy Too-Feely Creep] You know Janice carries a lot or tension on her shoulders, too.

    [熱愛肢體接觸的怪咖] 你知道,Janice 的肩膀也超級緊的。

  • I think it's your tense.

    我想是因為你太緊繃了。

  • The new guy.

    新人。

  • Right when you're wondering if you can still call yourself the recent college graduate, he shows up.

    正當你想著自己還能否稱為最近剛畢業的大學生,他就出現了。

  • Who is this guy?

    這個人是誰?

  • His diet would put you in a coma.

    他的飲食讓你看了腦袋發昏。

  • Yet he still seems to have endless energy.

    而他看起來還是精力無窮。

  • Oh, hey. what'd you do last night?

    嘿,你昨晚在做些什麼?

  • Nothing too crazy. Shots at beauty bar then danced until 2 a.m. and called it an early night, you?

    沒什麼瘋狂的。在一個超美的酒吧喝了點酒然後跳舞到 2 點,很早就結束了,你呢?

  • I watched Shark Tank then went to bed.

    我看了益智節目然後就上床睡覺。

  • The worst part is, if you see him like that, how does he see you?

    最糟的是,如果你看見的他是這樣的,那你在他眼裡會是怎樣?

  • See ya.

    掰啦。

  • I miss the 90s...

    我想念九零年代 ...。

  • Maybe you should work harder.

    也許你應該更用心工作。

  • Maybe you need to be like...

    也許你應該像 ...。

  • The prince.

    王子。

  • He thinks the word machiavellian is a compliment.

    他認為「權謀」這個詞是種讚美。

  • He's not contented just work, he wants to rule.

    他對於僅僅工作並不滿意,他想成為領導者。

  • My lord, these expense reports from Cynthia in marketing.

    我的君王,這些來自行銷部 Cynthia 的支出報告。

  • Do they not seem embroided?

    它們看起來難道不會過於繁飾嗎?

  • Perhaps I should be the one to go to the kingdom of Philadelphia for the sales conference in her stead.

    也許我才是那個該前往費城王國參加銷售會議的人。

  • I promise I will secure the favor of house Tampax.

    我發誓我會得到 Tampax (衛生棉條廠商) 家族的青睞。

  • Of course, ambition is a double-edged sword.

    當然,野心也是一道雙面刃。

  • And so is this.

    所以事情變成這樣。

  • I thought the sales rep really like me! Please, don't take my f***ing spot!

    我以為那個業務代表愛我!拜託,不要把我的職位搶了!

  • The prisoner.

    囚犯。

  • Well, back to forty years of hard labor.

    好啦,回去繼續幹 40 年苦勞。

  • Not everybody considers this job an opportunity, for some, it's a life sentence.

    並不是每個人都把工作當作機會,對某些人來說,這就像終身監禁。

  • Mommy numbed me after college. I was driving back from my six Burning Man, and I needed that money, man.

    從大學之後我媽就不管我了,有次我從 Burning Man 酒吧開車回家,老天我真的超需要那點錢 ...。

  • Oh, worst mistake of my life.

    喔,那真是我人生中最大的錯誤。

  • She spends all her time talking about what she's going to do when she finally gets out of this place.

    她大部份的時間都花在談論當她離開這個地方後要做什麼。

  • You know what will be fun, a private plane or do you know like in the local Wall Street.

    你知道什麼很讚嗎?一架私人飛機或者你知道,就像在華爾街當地一樣。

  • The irony is, when prisoners do finally get their freedom, they usually have no idea what to do with it.

    諷刺的是,當這些人終於得到自由,他們通常都不知道要做什麼。

  • Hi, yes, do you still rent the place with a rotating bed? Well, most of them, anyway.

    嗨,你現在還有租那個有旋轉床的地方嗎?嗯,無論如何,大部分來說是這樣的。

  • Oh, quick question. Is cocaine legal yet? Oh, what a shame!

    讓我問個問題,古柯鹼現在合法嗎?喔,真是太遺憾了!

  • You're different, though.

    然而,你是不一樣的。

  • You want to enjoy your job, but you don't wanna let it define you

    你想要享受你的工作,但你不想讓你的工作決定你是誰。

  • Now tell me more about this Snapchat. You want to like the people you work with but some distance is nice, too.

    告訴我更多關於這個聊天軟體的事。你想去喜歡這些與你工作的人,但保有一些距離,也是不錯的。

  • The color purple.

    紫色。

  • And I mean the actual color purple not the one with Oprah.

    我指的是真的紫色,而不是歐普拉演的那部《紫色姐妹花》。

  • The key is balance. You decide work and life, personal and professional.

    關鍵就在拿捏平衡點。你如何決定工作與人生、個人與專業之間的平衡。

  • If you're careful, you will make it out of here without any type at all.

    如果你夠謹慎小心,就能成就這一切,而不成為其中任何一種人。

  • Can we notice how she just stares like she's hearing voices or something?

    你注意到了嗎?她看著人的樣子就像她在聽一些聲音還是怎麼的。

  • Yeah, total weirdo.

    對,真是個怪人

  • The total weirdo. You.

    最怪的一個。你。

  • Wait! No!

    等等,別這樣!

  • Hi, I am Ali from CollegeHumor, did you like that video?

    嗨,我是 College Humor 的 Ali,你喜歡這部影片嗎?

  • Cool, then click here for more videos, or click here to unlock secret features like CollegeHumor videos showing up in your YouTube feed, Or being subscribed to CollegeHumor or turning that red subscribe button into a gray subscribed button.

    那就點擊這裡看更多影片,或者點擊這裡,讓 CollegeHumor 的神秘影片出現在你的 YouTube 頁面上,或訂閱 CollegeHumor 頻道,讓紅色的訂閱按鈕變成灰色的。

This is you.

這是你。

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這六種同事,你一定都遇過!(The Six Coworkers You'll Have at Your Job)

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    Blair 發佈於 2017 年 10 月 26 日
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