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  • Ok, I have a confession to make: I don't feel grateful every time someone does something for me.

    好,有件事我要承認:不是每次有人替我做某事的時候我都心存感激

  • I mean, I'm actually a really grateful person, and I know not everybody is--

    我是說,我其實是個懂得感恩的人,而且我知道人多人不是這樣 ——

  • maybe many people in this room are-- but sometimes I feel a little burdened.

    可能這裡很多人是懂得感恩的,但有時候我覺得有點負擔;

  • Sometimes I actually feel misunderstood, like "Why do they think I would want that?"

    有時候我其實覺得被誤解了,我想:「為什麼他們以為我想要那個東西呢?」

  • Sometimes, I don't even notice the thing that the person did for me, because I'm just really used to them doing it for me.

    有時候,我甚至不會注意有人替我做了某事,因為我非常習慣他們為我這樣做

  • Every once in a while, though, I feel grateful.

    偶爾,某些時候,我還是會心存感激

  • For example, like the other day, when my romantic partner went for a run with me at 9:30 at night, just to keep me company.

    例如有一天,當我浪漫的另一伴晚上 9 點半時跟我一起去跑步只為了陪伴我

  • So, aside from the personal benefits that I got from the run.

    所以除了跑步這件事帶給我個人的好處

  • It was a really important type of moment for me, this gratitude, because it showed me that he understood me, and he cared.

    這種心懷感激類型的時刻對我來說也很重要,因為這表示他了解而且在乎我

  • He knows how much mental health benefit I get from my runs,

    他知道跑步對我心理健康有益

  • And he could tell that it was the end of a long day and I was waffling.

    他也了解在經過了漫長的一天後,我拿不定主意;

  • I was thinking about sacrificing my run to hang out with him, because I really wanted to hang out with him, too.

    我在考慮犧牲跑步然後跟他出去,因為我真的很想跟他在一起

  • And so, he just looked at me and he said "I'm coming with you and we're leaving in three minutes."

    因為這樣,他只是看著我然後說:「我跟妳一起去。3分鐘後出門。」

  • What an awesome dude! And I totally needed that run.

    這男人也太棒了!而且我非常需要跑步

  • So, what my research has shown over the past several years now, is that moments like these, between people--

    我的研究顯示了,從過去好幾年到現在,人們之間的這種時刻 ——

  • these moments when we actually feel grateful, are important in one way,

    這些我們真正感到感激的時刻,在某方面很重要

  • and it's because they remind us of just how great specific other people are for us in our lives.

    因為它提醒了我們,在我們生活中某些特定的人對我們有多好

  • So, running isn't for everyone, and my guy isn't for everyone (thank goodness!),

    不是每個人都喜歡跑步,也不是每個人都喜歡我的另一半 (感謝老天!)

  • but he's totally great for me, and so this is just one way.

    但他對我來說很棒,這只是其中一部份

  • So, what we've discovered in our work, is that what we know about emotions,

    我們也從研究中發現,我們對情感的認識

  • and this is the magic of emotions-- when we have an experience of gratitude, when that happens,

    還有它的魔力。當我們有覺得感激的經驗,當這件事發生時

  • it does more than just remind us about our partner's good qualities,

    這不僅僅提醒我們另一伴的好

  • but an emotional response provides fuel. In that moment, it coordinates our mind and body and behavior to solve a problem

    而且產生的情感回饋能提供我們能量。在那感恩的時刻,我們的心智、身體跟行為相互配合以解決眼前的問題

  • or take advantage of a situation that is right in front of us,

    或對一個情況做出絕佳判斷

  • and so what we've discovered over the past several years of studying gratitude and relationships,

    我們從過去幾年針對心存感激及關係的研究發現

  • is that gratitude motivates us and it helps us to make gestures that bind us more closely with our romantic partner,

    感激激勵我們並幫助我們有與另一伴更緊密的動作

  • and actually with other social partners in our lives.

    同時也讓我們與生活中社交伙伴有更佳互動

  • So, in this moment with my partner where we had this really great experience, I felt gratitude,

    所以在這一刻,我和我的伴侶一起擁有的美好經歷,我覺得很感激

  • I told him all about it-- how awesome it was and how much I appreciated him, and he felt valued.

    我也告訴他所有的事 —— 這一切多美好、我多感謝他,他覺得他備受重視

  • My research suggests that that makes him feel more connected and interested in being in a relationship.

    我的研究指出感恩讓他覺得自己與這段關係更加親密、更願意投入

  • This opportunity sets up the stage for our next interaction and so forth, as we move through time.

    這個機會在時間推移下,製造了我們下一次及未來互動的契機

  • And so, what's really been interesting in this line of research is that when I started,

    這個研究期程中最有趣的是,當我剛開始做研究時

  • I actually had some data on people in friendships,

    我其實有些關於友誼方面的研究資料

  • and we've started moving into romantic relationships and people would say things like

    然後當我們開始進行到戀愛關係的研究,大家會說:

  • "I don't understand. Why are you studying gratitude in romantic relationships and binding in romantic relationships? Aren't people in romantic relationships already bound together?"

    「我不了解,為什麼妳要研究戀愛關係裡的感激和連結?在談戀愛的人不是已經連結在一起了嗎?」

  • Really? Well, that's a good myth and it's gorgeous, but this myth of true love that we get and it never fades,

    是嗎?這是個很耐人尋味、美好又吸引人的謎題、這個關於 (我們認為) 真愛永不凋零的謎題;

  • but the data from relationship science shows

    但關係科學的研究資料顯示

  • that over time, even for couples who stay together for decades, relationship satisfaction actually declines,

    其實隨著時間,即使是在一起幾十年的伴侶,對關係的滿意程度其實會遞減

  • especially over the first couple of years.

    尤其是在前幾年

  • And so, this is totally consistent with what we know about the principles of adaptation.

    這完全與我們知道的適應原則相符

  • Think about getting a new car, whatever your flavor. Ok, a new car is shiny and awesome, just like a new relationship,

    試著想像買了一部新車,不管你喜歡哪一台。新車閃閃發亮又很漂亮,就跟一段新的感情一樣

  • but over time, the car starts to lose that great new car smell,

    但隨著時間過去,這台車逐漸失去好聞的新車味道

  • and it starts to become the thing that we use to get from point A to point B.

    它也淪為我們已經習慣、把我們從 A 點載到 B 點的代步工具

  • Maybe over time, we start to look around at the other cars that are out on the street,

    也許時間一久,我們開始注意街道上的其他車輛

  • and think about upgrading to a new model.

    開始考慮升級成新的型號

  • So, unfortunately for cars, they can't just renew their new car smell with one simple gesture, but humans can.

    可憐的車子,他們不能用個簡單的動作,就恢復新車的味道,但人類可以

  • Other live interaction partners can do little things, and we're reminded of the little things about them that we loved when we first met them.

    生活中與我們互動的對象可以藉由一點小事情來提醒我們,當我們初次相遇時,我們喜歡他們的部分

  • And so, let me show you some data that are relevant to adaptation.

    讓我給你們看些與適應有關的資料

  • This is a study of couples in romantic relationships.

    這是個針對戀愛中情侶的研究,研究週期14天

  • Every single day for fourteen days we had each member of the couple-- one of the questions that we had them report on was

    每一天我們都要兩個人回報,其中一個問題是:

  • "How connected they felt with their partner that day?" And you can see here across 1700 reports,

    「你今天覺得你跟你的伴侶多親近?」你們可以看到,一千七百份報告中

  • we have a very satisfied sample of couples. The scale goes from one to five--

    我們有滿意度很高的情侶。評分從 1 到 5 ;

  • I hope you can see that they're well above a four on the scale. On average, across all of the days.

    我希望你們看得到它們在表上,一般來說,一整天下來,比4分高蠻多的

  • But what we know about the ebb and flow of everyday life is that it's a little more complicated than that.

    但我們知道每天生活的低潮和流向比這複雜得多

  • Alright, I've graphed the same data a different way,

    好,我把一樣的資料用不同方式資料表格呈現

  • and what you can see here is that every single line is a different individual participant in the study,

    可以看到每一條線代表研究中的每個獨立參與者

  • and the x-axis that runs across the bottom is every single day (all fourteen days) of the study.

    然後 X 軸 (底部那一條 )代表研究中的每一天 (總共 14 天)

  • You don't have to be a scientist to be able to see that people go up and down in their feelings about their partner from one day to the next,

    你不用當科學家也可以看出,人們今天跟明天對他們的伴侶的感覺有高低起伏

  • even in this really satisfied sample!

    儘管是滿意度最高的那組

  • So, I'm sure you can identify with this in your own relationships,

    我相信你也認同你的關係也是這樣,

  • your romantic relationships as well as your friendships. Even if they're amazing, not every day is amazing.

    不管是戀愛關係或友誼。就算你的關係很完美,也不是每天都那麼完美

  • So, this is where gratitude comes in.

    這就是感激要參與的地方

  • What we found in this study is that on days when one person in the study, one of the couple members,

    我們研究中發現,如果當天伴侶中一人說:

  • said "Hey, I felt a little more gratitude after interacting with my partner today,"

    「今天和我的另一伴互動後,我有點感恩的感覺。」

  • their partner reported independently feeling better about this relationship than they had the day before.

    對方的另一伴也回報,他們在當天比前一天,對這段感情有更好的感覺

  • So, we concluded from this study that even everyday gratitude can act as a 'booster shot' for romantic relationships.

    我們從這個研究可以歸納:日常的感激可以扮演戀愛中的「催化劑」

  • Now, what I've been studying in the past couple of years is "How does that happen?"

    我過去幾年一直在研究的是:「這是怎麼發生的?」

  • It's kind of a fascinating research question for an emotions researcher,

    對情感研究員來說,這是個很棒的問題

  • who typically, emotions researchers, we study one person's own experience of their own emotion.

    尤其身為情感研究者,我們研究個人情緒的經驗

  • This one jumps the gap between people to actually influence the thoughts and feelings of the other person on a pretty regular basis;

    這個越過了人們間的間隔,確實且規律地影響另一個人的想法和感覺

  • that's a pretty robust effect that we found.

    那是個我們找到蠻有力的影響

  • So, thanks for the generous funding from the John Templeton Foundation and the Greater Good Science Center,

    因此,感謝約翰坦伯頓基金會和幸福科學中心的慷慨贊助

  • I've actually been working for a couple of years now, trying to figure out how this might work,

    我其實已經在這方面工作了好幾年,試著理解這是怎麼運作的

  • and we've been using expressions of gratitude between romantic partners to test a few different effects.

    而我們已經在情侶間以表達感激的方式,來測試幾個不同的效果

  • Here you can see. This is about a third of my team on this research project over the past couple of years as well as my co-investigators.

    這裡你可以看到,這是大概過去幾年我這個研究計畫團隊三分之一的人,還有我的共同調查員;

  • One of the questions that we're testing is "What makes an expression of gratitude so impactful?"

    我們測試的其中一個問題是:「什麼讓感激的表達方式這麼有影響力?」

  • So, we're hoping that if we can start to figure out the mechanisms,

    我們希望當我們開始理解這個機制

  • then we can actually start to bring gratitude into people's everyday lives a little bit more gracefully,

    我們就可以開始給人們每天的生活帶來一點感恩,變得更美好一點

  • and then we're testing the extent of the effects on each member of the dyad.

    我們對伴侶雙方都測試

  • So, what does the person do when they hear an expression of gratitude?

    影響的範圍。當一個人聽到感激的話語會做什麼呢?

  • How does it make them change their own behavior (your original benefactor),

    這怎麼讓他們的行為 (原本的行為模式) 改變?

  • what are the downstream consequences for both people, including physiological effects,

    對伴侶雙方會帶來什麼影響?包括生理上的

  • like oxytocin and changes in blood pressure? So, as of about two hours ago, our 245th couple walked through the doors of my lab for this study--

    例如催產素及血壓的改變。大約 2 小時前,我們的第 245 對情侶走過我針對這個研究實驗室的門;

  • that's almost 500 people who have expressed gratitude to their partner, given us saliva samples, given us urine samples,

    這樣大概是500個人向他的伴侶表達感激,然後給我們口水和尿液檢體

  • and basically provided about a metric ton of additional data.

    基本上提供了一公噸那麼多的額外資訊

  • Um, I'm really excited--

    我真的很興奮 ——

  • we're wrapping up data collection in a couple of months, and we'll be doing analysis,

    我們再一兩個月就會完成資料收集,然後就開始分析

  • and I'm really looking forward to being able to tell you a lot about what makes gratitude expressions so impactful,

    我非常期待能夠告訴大家更多關於感激的話語為什麼這麼有影響力

  • and what are the possible downstream consequences.

    還有可能的後果的資訊

  • But in the meantime, what I've told you is that I have spent many, many, many years studying,

    同時,我也告訴過你們,我花了很多年

  • very closely studying the dynamics of everyday interactions of people who care about each other a lot.

    很貼近地研究人們與自己在乎人的每天活躍地交流情形

  • Specifically, however (and this is relevant to the last set of talks),

    特別是,而且這跟最後一部份的談話主題有關

  • I've been studying people who are in happy relationships, who are in good relationships.

    我一直都在研究談快樂、健康戀愛的情侶

  • So what we've learned, we've learned a lot about how gratitude naturally works, but I'm not a therapist.

    我們學到的是,我們知道很多關於感激如何自然地運作的事,但我不是個治療師

  • We have not studied gratitude in distressed relationships, we have not studied gratitude in relationships where one person is abused.

    我們沒有做低落關係中的感激的研究、我們沒有做受虐關係中的感激的研究

  • To my knowledge, nobody has. Those data don't exist, so please,

    我所知道的是,還沒有人做過這種研究。那些研究資料還不存在,所以

  • people, go out and do that research. Until we have data to speak to people who have rocky relationships,

    拜託大家,走出門做那些實驗吧!直到我們有研究資料能跟艱困感情關係中的人談談之前

  • I would strongly suggest: don't necessarily take my 'do it yourself' advice about relationships,

    我會建議:不一定要採用「靠自己」的感情建議,

  • that's a different set of concerns, but don't tune me out,

    那是另一層顧慮,但先不要叫我住嘴,因為我接下來要告訴大家

  • because what I'm about to tell you about what we know from good romantic relationships probably also applies to your other good relationships as well.

    我們從良好的戀愛關係中學到的事,大概也可以應用在

  • Now, if you want to get more out of gratitude in your everyday life, and this is--

    你其他的正面關係上。如果你希望每天日常生活中能有更多值得感激的事;

  • these are things that I would tell my friends that the evidence says most strongly--

    接下來這些事是我會告訴我的朋友們的,而且證據會說話 ——

  • if you want to get more gratitude in your life, you want to start by having more gratitude.

    如果你希望每天日常生活中能有更多值得感激的事,你要開始常心存感激

  • Now, it's a little finicky. In our previous studies, again, we didn't get the partner to go and do amazing things for their partner.

    這有點麻煩;同理來說,從我們之前的研究中,我們沒有要求受試者替他的另一伴做多美好的事

  • We didn't get them to give foot rubs and send roses or anything like that.

    我們沒有要求受試者幫他的另一半做腳底按摩還有送玫瑰花之類的

  • What I showed you were data about gratitude for the everyday little things.

    我給大家看得研究資料是關於日常生活中的小細節

  • Now, if you think about your romantic relationships, or even your best friendships,

    現在,如果你想到你的戀情,或是你最親近的友情

  • you fell in love for a reason

    你都因為特定理由愛上對方

  • with this person and if you're sharing life together in some capacity,

    然後如果你們某種程度上一起生活

  • then they're certainly doing lots of things for you already.

    那他們一定已經為你做了一堆事情了

  • But we know, from the psychology, that stress actually is a barrier to looking past ourselves.

    但從心理學上,我們知道,那種壓力其實是讓我們忘記自己的障礙

  • So, our lives are busy and stressful and sometimes, we also get into habits with people. Sometimes, we start to take people for granted.

    因此,我們生活在忙碌和壓力中,而且我們也已經習慣他人的存在;有時候,我們開始把別人視為理所當然。

  • So, the very first thing that I would say is get out of your head, and start to just remember the things that your partner does for you.

    所以我要說的第一件事就是,拋開舊有的想法,開始好好記住你的另一半替你做的事

  • Now, I'm not promising that you'll actually feel grateful for it,

    我不能保證你真的會實際上覺得很感激

  • but it increases the likelihood. If you notice it, it increases the likelihood that you will actually feel gratitude.

    但這會增加正向的好感度,如果你留意的話,你實際上真的會覺得感謝

  • And then, all of our research suggests-- my research as well as I am summarizing from across the field--

    我們所做的研究都建議,我做的還有其他這個領域的研究

  • suggests that people who feel grateful want to make sure that the person knows how great they are,

    當人們覺得感激時,他們會想確定對方知道他們有多感激

  • so it naturally moves us to demonstrate this. The data support this as well,

    所以這自然而然地讓我們去表達出來,研究資料也這樣證實,

  • so we have people who feel gratitude and express it, are more committed to their relationships,

    對關係覺得感激也表達出感謝之意的人較能投入在感情裡,

  • they feel better about them, even better than people who feel gratitude and don't express it.

    也會對自我感覺良好,比那些覺得感激但沒有表達出來的人更好

  • So, for the person who feels it,

    所以,對於感受到感激的人來說

  • it might help your relationship to express it, but also, for the person-- this is the natural bridge-- for the person, who actually did the kind thing, for your romantic partner,

    這也幫你的關係變得感恩,這是自然的橋樑,但同時對對我們好的那個人,我們的伴侶來說

  • tell them! Let them know that they're appreciated.

    就告訴他們吧!讓他們知道他們被感謝

  • We have data from a different study where we asked couples every day to report every single day for fourteen days,

    我們有不同研究的資料,其中我們要求伴侶們,從第 1 天到第 14 天每天回報

  • and again we found when people said that their partner thanked them that day for something they did,

    同樣地,我們發現,回報他們的伴侶當天為了他們做的事而謝謝他們的人

  • they said they felt better about the relationship even than they had the day before.

    說他們對這段關係感覺更好,甚至比前一天的感覺更好

  • So here, I would again, you have barriers in your everyday life to expressing gratitude.

    所以在此,我要再說一次,你的日常生活中會有阻礙,讓你難以表達你的感謝

  • You might feel distracted by work or kids.

    你會覺得因為工作和小孩分心

  • People in long term relationships may actually think that their partner actually just knows how they feel, do they?

    在長時間關係中的人可能會認為他們的另一伴當然知道他們的想法,但是真的嗎?

  • People who are in new relationships may feel vulnerable telling the person how much it meant to them, that they did this kind action,

    展開新關係、戀情的人可能會覺得告訴對方他們所做的貼心行為是種示弱表現

  • but our data show that you have very little to lose

    但我們的研究資料顯示,如果你照著一個非常簡單的規則,你失去的東西其實很少,

  • and a lot to gain by following a really simple rule:

    相反的,藉著一條簡單規則,你會得到更多:

  • If you really feel it, just don't forget to show it.

    如果你感覺到了什麼,不要忘了表達出來

  • Here's my last point, that's very important in all of this: be genuine. And this is kind of should be obvious,

    我想說的最後一點非常重要,這一切的重點就是,要真心誠意,這其實很明顯

  • but in people's rush to kind of apply to practice, it may not be.

    但現在人們都急著付諸實踐,所以實情或許並不如此

  • Your partner knows you pretty well, and they were there when they did the thing for you.

    你的伴侶很了解你,而且當他們替你做了某些事時,他們在你身邊

  • So, if they I don't know, try to make you an amazing dinner but botched it,

    所以,當他們,我不知道;比如試著為你煮一頓美好的晚餐但卻失敗了

  • you don't have to tell them that they're an amazing chef, but do genuinely tell them what you appreciate about them, about their actions.

    你不用告訴他們,他們是個超棒的大廚,但要告訴他們你真的很感謝他們所做的事

  • So maybe, you liked that they remembered what your favorite dish was,

    又或許,你喜歡他們記得你喜歡的是哪一道菜

  • and that they went out of their way to make your night special. Whatever's true for you,

    還有他們盡全力給你特別的一晚。不論你真正感受到的是什麼

  • and I know this from a study where we brought couples into the lab and we had them,

    而且我從一個研究得知;我們帶伴侶們進實驗室

  • in front of our video cameras. They said thanks to their partners for things--

    要他們在錄影機前謝謝他們的另一半一些事

  • what we found was no matter how big or small the gesture, the leading indicator of how satisfied the partner was with the relationships six months later,

    我們發現,不論多小的動作,6 個月後伴侶對感情滿意度的主導指標

  • was how much the grateful person made them feel understood, valued, and cared for in the actions that they took for the grateful person--

    就在於他們多感謝另一伴為他們採取的行動,讓他們覺得被懂得、被重視、被照顧,

  • on the grateful person's behalf. So, what I would say to you is 'just be true.'

    代表被感謝的人。所以我要告訴你的是:要真心

  • Look at your partner in the eye, and just tell her exactly what it was that you appreciated about her actions.

    看著你的另一伴的眼睛,儘管告訴她你感謝她所做的事

  • So I hope that I've started to demonstrate that gratitude between two people in everyday life is a bit finicky and that's ok,

    所以我希望我已經告訴你們,兩人之間日常生活的感謝是有點難處處到位,但沒關係

  • because gratitude actually runs on the wavelength of being a genuine signal of care and concern between the two people.

    因為感謝是兩人之間的在乎及關心是持續進行的真實表徵

  • So, I wouldn't force it. However, our relationship partners are people who can look out for our best interests,

    我不會強迫大家,然而,我們感情中的另一伴是那個會把我們照顧好

  • help us accomplish our goals, and help to support us when things aren't going well.

    幫助我們達成目標,還有在困境中支持我們的人

  • More than just helping us to get through our everyday lives, our romantic partners can help us thrive.

    不僅是幫我們渡過每天的日常生活,我們的另一半能幫助我們茁壯

  • So, it makes sense to consider noticing what they do, for you.

    所以考慮留意他們為你做的事還蠻合理的

  • When you feel it, don't forget to show it and say it like you mean it.

    當你感受到了,不要忘記表達出來,而且說出你真的這麼覺得

  • Thank you.

    謝謝

Ok, I have a confession to make: I don't feel grateful every time someone does something for me.

好,有件事我要承認:不是每次有人替我做某事的時候我都心存感激

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A2 初級 中文 美國腔 研究 關係 資料 戀愛 生活 感情

專家見證:凡事感恩將影響你的親密關係!(How Does Gratitude Affect Romantic Relationships?)

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    Eating 發佈於 2015 年 01 月 14 日
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