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  • Where you end up in life is often the result

    你最後在生命裡的位置

  • of a number of seemingly innocent choices,

    大多數都是一個個 看似單純選擇的結果

  • each appearing insignificant at the time,

    每個當時看似不重要

  • but all leading you in a single direction.

    但總帶領你往同一方向的前進

  • By 18, I had chosen to use drugs to cope with my life,

    十八歲時我選擇了用毒品去應付生活

  • and chosen to associate with people

    和選擇了去認識一些

  • who didn't care about my well-being or that of others.

    根本不會理會我生活好不好的人

  • In doing so, I had chosen to put myself into high-risk situations.

    正因如此 我把自己放置於一個高危險的環境

  • (Sigh)

    (嘆氣)

  • When I was 18, my mother died.

    我媽媽在我十八歲時逝世

  • Three days later, I chose to meet with a drug dealer.

    三日後我選擇跟一個毒販碰面

  • What I didn't know, when I chose to meet with this guy,

    當時我並不知道我選擇碰面的人

  • was that he had an interest in adolescent boys and sex acts.

    是個對年輕男孩和性行為有興趣的人

  • What he didn't know, when he chose to meet with me,

    而他也不知道當他選擇與我碰面時

  • was that I was someone who was prepared to fight.

    我是個已準備好抵死抗拒的人

  • What neither of us knew, when we made our respective choices,

    我們都不知我們各自的決定

  • is where they would lead us.

    會把我們帶到何處

  • Before the day was out, he would be dead,

    當晚天亮前 他會死去

  • and I would be spending the first night,

    而那也是我入獄的第一晚

  • of what would be the next 10 years, behind bars.

    隨後的是十年的牢獄之刑

  • By 20, I had graduated to New Zealand's toughest maximum-security prison.

    二十歲時 我被轉到紐西蘭的高度戒備監獄

  • It's here that I learned the theory of how to hide

    這兒令我學會如何避開

  • from heat sensors and police helicopters,

    熱力探測器和警方直升機

  • and the reality of how to make a weapon

    和如何製作一些

  • out of glad wrap and a toothbrush.

    以布和牙刷而成的武器

  • What I didn't realize before I was imprisoned,

    我發現原來我未被監禁前

  • was that I was already living in a prison of my own making.

    我已經身處於一個自己製造的監獄

  • The prison in my mind.

    一個在我腦海裡的監獄

  • There are many beliefs that imprison us,

    有很多信念都囚禁著我們

  • and stop us experiencing the fullness of life.

    令我們不能感受生命的完滿

  • My prison was my belief that my potential was fixed.

    我的監獄是我一直都認為 自己的潛能就只能如此

  • My prison was my belief that the measure of a man

    我的監獄是我相信 量度男人的一把尺是

  • was his capacity for violence,

    以他的暴力程度為標準

  • and that men shouldn't feel scared, sad, vulnerable, or weak.

    而男人不應 感到害怕、傷心、脆弱或軟弱

  • It is ironic that I had to be in an actual prison

    很諷刺的是 我得在實體的監獄裡

  • in order to break out of my mental prison.

    才能擺脫我的精神監獄

  • It is also ironic that it wasn't until I was released

    也很諷刺的是 直至我重獲自由後

  • that I realized how many other people

    才驚覺原來有很多人

  • are trapped in their own personal prisons.

    都同樣被困在各自的監獄裡

  • I was able to escape my mental prison

    我能夠逃脫我的精神監獄

  • through five progressive steps to personal change.

    是透過五個進程去達至個人改變

  • I call these "the five steps to freedom".

    我叫它們為通向自由的五步

  • The first step to freedom

    邁向自由的第一步

  • is to recognize that we are born free.

    是去肯定我們是生而自由

  • As babies, we take our first breaths with a clean slate.

    孩子生來就像白紙一張

  • But then life kicks in,

    然後生命就開始了

  • and in an attempt to cope with our experiences

    叫我們要去面對經驗

  • and make sense of our worlds,

    去理解這個世界

  • we acquire self-defeating and distorted beliefs.

    我們習得自我打擊和歪曲信念

  • Over time, these beliefs imprison us.

    很多時候這些信念都囚困我們

  • Yet this is not the life we were born to live,

    但這並非我們原本要過的生活

  • the life where we are truly authentic and free.

    我們的生活是絕對的自由

  • It took a meeting with one of New Zealand's most accomplished safe crackers

    我有次遇到紐西蘭 最厲害的保險箱竊賊之一

  • to challenge my idea of my freedom.

    這挑戰了我對自由的理解

  • It was about 2 years into my sentence,

    當時大概是我被監禁的第二年

  • and just after I'd finished another period in solitary confinement.

    我剛從又一次的單獨禁閉出來

  • Now this guy was a MENSA member.

    這人是國際智商組織門薩的人

  • He was smart,

    他很聰明

  • and we used to spend a lot of time in the yard,

    我們花很多時間在後園中

  • discussing the intricacies of his trade.

    討論他貿易的複雜內容

  • The yard is like an empty swimming pool,

    後園就像一個空的游泳池

  • where every end's the deep end.

    所有東西都看不清

  • I remember as I'd watch a plane fly overhead,

    我記得看見一架飛機從頭上飛過

  • how I so would have given anything to be in that plane, --

    我是願意付出任何東西 去換登上那飛機的機會

  • (Voice cracks) -- wherever it was going, to be anywhere but here.

    去哪裡都行 只要遠離這裡就好

  • One day the safecracker approached me

    有一天他接近我

  • with a tennis ball and a heavy ashtray.

    帶著一個網球和沉重的煙灰缸

  • And asked me:

    然後問我

  • if he was to drop these at the same time,

    如果他同時把兩樣東西掉落

  • which would hit the ground first?

    哪樣會先落在地上?

  • I couldn't believe the stupidity of such a question.

    我無法相信他竟然會問如此笨的問題

  • (Simultaneous thud)

    (砰擊聲)

  • Watching those two objects hit the ground at the same time,

    看著這兩樣東西同時掉落在地上

  • blew my mind.

    令我很驚訝

  • I had never questioned my understanding of the world.

    我從來沒有質疑過自己對世界的認知

  • I had always just assumed that the world was the way it appeared to me.

    我一直都只是接受 世界向我展示的模樣

  • Yet this demonstration made me wonder

    但這一次令我思考

  • what else I thought I knew

    還有什麼我現知的

  • that I could be wrong about.

    原來是錯誤的?

  • Prior to this,

    在這之前

  • I'd always seen education as something that you did to get a job.

    我一直以為教育是能令人得到工作

  • Now I started to see education as something

    現在我開始覺得教育

  • that could make the world a more interesting place,

    其實是會令世界變得更有趣

  • and something that could increase the accuracy of my beliefs.

    令我的信念更為準確

  • And I had always been one of those insufferable people

    我一直都是個讓人無法忍受的人

  • who likes to think they're right about everything,

    因為總是覺得自己的想法是對的

  • a tendency that had prompted my Mum to put a note on the fridge

    因此我媽貼了張紙條在冰箱上

  • suggesting that teenagers should leave home

    寫著年輕人以為自己無所不知的時候

  • while they still know everything!

    應該離家出去看看

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • Recognizing that we are born free,

    瞭解到我們是生而自由

  • and that the beliefs that imprison us

    和知道哪些信念囚困我們

  • can be challenged and replaced

    是可以被挑戰和取代的

  • is the first step to freedom.

    是通往自由的第一步

  • The second step to freedom

    通往自由的第二步

  • is choosing to break out of our prisons.

    是選擇去逃脫自己的監獄

  • Living in a prison is tough,

    住在監獄實在是很艱辛

  • but breaking out of prison is harder.

    但要逃出更難

  • The desire to break out

    那種想逃出的慾望

  • is driven by how likely we think we are to succeed.

    是由我們想成功的程度驅策的

  • Many people choose not to break out of their prisons,

    有很多選擇不逃脫的人

  • because they think that change is impossible,

    是因為他們覺得改變是不可能的

  • and they see disappointment as inevitable.

    他們覺得失望是無可避免的

  • Breaking out also depends on how much effort we think it will take,

    要逃脫也要視乎 我們認為需要多少心力

  • and how much value we place on such change.

    和我們認為這改變的價值

  • It is much safer to be inside.

    在監獄裡我們相對更安全

  • We do not risk additional failure,

    我們沒有機會再次失敗

  • and it requires less effort.

    而它不需要太多努力

  • Recidivism rates support this point.

    累犯率支持了這觀點

  • For many people, it is easier to be in prison.

    對很多人而言 待在監獄比較容易

  • You have so few adult responsibilities on the inside.

    因為面對很少成人需承擔的責任

  • And as twisted as it sounds,

    雖然聽起來是一種歪理

  • many people find a sense of belonging,

    但很多人會找到歸屬感

  • status and community

    地位與社會

  • within prison that they don't get in the outside world.

    只能在監獄而非外面世界找到

  • Everyone knows their place in the prison hierarchy,

    在監獄裡每個人都清楚知道他們的地位

  • and for some people, that place provides their only sense of worth.

    對於某些人而言 這些地位給予了他們唯一的價值

  • Breaking out requires real emotional commitment to change.

    逃脫是需要強烈渴求改變的心

  • And to get that commitment,

    如果你要去堅持

  • you need to focus on why you would want to change,

    你要將重點放在為何你想改變

  • not why others might think you should change,

    不是其他人為何認為你該改變

  • but why you would want to change for yourself.

    而是為何你想要為自己而改變

  • I had never considered myself someone who could achieve academically.

    我從來沒有想過 自己能成為學術上出色的人

  • I'd even been held back a year at school.

    我甚至被留級過一年

  • Yet I enrolled in those first two psychology papers,

    然而我修讀了兩堂心理學的課

  • because I knew that understanding what makes people tick

    因為我知道了解人們的行為

  • is a useful skill to have in prison.

    是有用於生存於監獄的

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • Anywhere from 50 to 80% of people in prison

    50% 到 80% 的囚犯

  • suffer some form of mental health issue,

    都患有某種精神病

  • and being attacked due to the mental instability of others

    因其他人精神不穩定而受攻擊

  • was a real concern.

    是一個很明顯的問題

  • I completed my first assignment in solitary confinement.

    我在單獨囚房完成了第一份作業

  • I printed it all as one paragraph, all in capital letters.

    我寫成一大段 全用大寫

  • I did this because I was ignorant of writing conventions,

    我如此做是因為 我對書寫的規範一竅不通

  • and I thought capitals looked neater.

    而我也覺得大寫看起來更整齊

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • I completed my exams in a windowless room in a punishment block.

    我在一間沒有窗的囚房裡完成了考試

  • Yet I still somehow managed to pass my papers.

    而我竟然也成功及格了

  • I was so amazed to pass these exams.

    我對自己能及格感到很驚喜

  • It made me wonder if maybe I wasn't capable of more

    這讓我想自己也不是沒有能力

  • than I had previously thought possible.

    不是如我之前想像般

  • It made me dream. It made the think:

    它讓我開始夢想、思考

  • "Imagine, imagine if I could get out of here with a degree!"

    "想像我能得到一個學位然後出獄!"

  • Going for a degree seemed like such an audacious goal.

    去考取一個學位看似是太高的目標

  • And a major obstacle to achieving this dream,

    而一個阻礙我圓夢的是

  • was the amount of marijuana I was smoking.

    我吸食太多大麻了

  • (Laughing)

    (笑聲)

  • Smoking weed allowed me to enjoy the moment,

    吸食大麻使我享受當下

  • and avoid the reality of my situation.

    逃避現實

  • I was young and locked up.

    我這樣年輕卻又被困起來

  • I was frustrated, I had no sense of direction.

    我很沮喪 我失去了方向

  • If I was going to start the process of really changing my life,

    如果我要開始改變我的人生

  • I needed to stop doing drugs.

    我一定要停止吃毒品

  • Passing those exams had reinforced my desire to break out of my prison.

    成功及格進一步強化了我逃出監獄的慾望

  • But wanting change, and turning that change into action,

    但想改變和去實行

  • are two very different things.

    畢竟也是兩回事

  • The third step to freedom is to make the escape.

    通往自由的第三步是要逃脫

  • Dreams without action remain dreams.

    沒有行動的夢想仍舊是夢想

  • In order to make the escape, you need to start taking steps

    為了要逃脫 你要開始踏出一步

  • that reduce the distance between where you are

    去縮短你在的位置

  • and where you desire to be.

    與你想在的位置的距離

  • People that want to break out of their prisons,

    那些想逃出監獄但失敗的人

  • but fail to do so, often think about change

    常將改變視為

  • as something that occurs in some distant future.

    在未來會發生的事情

  • The problem with us is that it doesn't prompt you to act,

    我們的問題是 這些都沒有推動我們去行動

  • and change can start to feel like it's beyond your reach.

    而改變能開始讓你感覺 它就在你觸手可及的範圍

  • It's tomorrow, next month, next year.

    可能是明天, 下個月, 下一年

  • To make your escape, you must get specific about what you want to change.

    要令你逃脫 你要明確知道你想改變什麼

  • Specific change is not wanting to lose weight,

    明確的改變不是為了減一點重

  • but wanting to lose 5 kilos.

    而是想減掉五公斤

  • Having the general idea that you want to write a book,

    有一個想寫書的念頭

  • will not get you to put pen to paper.

    不會令你開始拾起筆寫字

  • Having the specific goal

    而是要有明確的目標

  • to write 500 words on Thursday just might.

    設定在星期四寫五百字等 就有可能達成

  • The research shows that having vague goals

    研究顯示有不明顯的目標

  • makes it hard to start and easy to give up.

    會令我們更難開始行動、更容易放棄

  • Specific goals mean that you can't fool yourself into thinking

    明確目標是不會令你誤以為

  • you have done enough.

    你做得已經足夠

  • Many people in prison talk about what they will do when they are released,

    很多囚犯都會討論出獄後會做什麼

  • how they will take better care of their kids,

    講他們會如何好好照顧小孩

  • how they will lead better lives.

    會如何有更好的生活

  • But life and change, are about what you do right now.

    但生活和改變 是關於你現在做什麼

  • Time is a different commodity when you're serving a long period of imprisonment.

    當你面對長期囚禁 時間是種不同的概念

  • To survive psychologically, you need to forget about the outside world,

    要心理上生存下去 你先要忘記外面的世界

  • accept this is your new life,

    接受這是你的新生活

  • and to focus on the present.

    放眼於當下

  • Focusing on the present was key for making my escape.

    重點放在當下 是我逃脫的重要一環

  • I didn't worry about what I was,

    我不會擔心我以前怎樣

  • or wasn't going to do in some uncertain future.

    也不會擔心未知的將來

  • I just focused on what I could do today.

    我只放眼於今天要做什麼

  • On what I could do right now.

    看看我這一刻能做什麼

  • Research shows that this ability to seize the moment

    研究顯示擁有活在當下的能力

  • makes you 3 times more likely to achieve your goals.

    令你能三倍更容易達到目標

  • So, I stopped smoking weed,

    所以我不再吸食大麻

  • which allowed me to complete my undergraduate degree.

    這令我完成了我的學士學位

  • It also massively reduced the amount of time I spent in solitary confinement.

    這也縮短了我在單獨囚房的時間

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • For me, the specific and related goals,

    對我而言明顯的目標

  • were to become drug free, and to complete my degree.

    是遠離毒品和完成學位

  • The cost of making my escape was sacrificing being emotionally numbed.

    完成逃脫的代價是放棄情感麻木

  • But making my escape didn't come without a struggle.

    但過程也不是沒有掙扎

  • The fourth step to freedom is to fight for your freedom.

    通往自由的第四步是 為你的自由而戰

  • Fighting for your freedom requires grit and tenacity.

    為你的自由而戰 是需要勇氣和耐性的

  • To achieve your goals, you must overcome any obstacles you encounter.

    為了達到目標 你必須跨過你的困難

  • Giving up drugs was not a straightforward process,

    放棄毒品並非簡單的過程

  • there were certainly relapses.

    當中有故態復萌

  • And studying within prison had its own set of obstacles,

    而在監獄裡讀書也有其困難

  • such as getting permission to access course related materials.

    例如要看課程資料 必須先取得允許

  • Yet overcoming such obstacles,

    但去跨過這些困難

  • is exactly what fighting for your freedom is about.

    正是為自由而戰

  • In fact, it is through overcoming such obstacles,

    事實是 透過跨越這些困難

  • that we develop our capacity for change,

    建立了我們改變的能力

  • and the will power required to make it happen.

    也需要意志力

  • Many people think that will power and self-discipline

    有不少人覺得意志力和自律

  • are things that you either have or you don't have.

    有就有 沒有就自然沒有

  • But the research shows that these are characteristics

    但研究顯示有些特質

  • developed through practice and application.

    是可透過練習和應用而建立

  • By the time I completed my undergraduate degree,

    在完成學士學位之前

  • I had developed enough tenacity

    我已建立足夠的忍耐

  • to fight for entry into a postgraduate program in psychology.

    去爭取進入心理學研究生課程

  • I then fought to have my honors research project

    我之後爭取自己的畢業研究作品

  • upgraded to a Master's Thesis.

    提升至碩士的論文

  • This left me with a number of papers that needed to be completed

    這讓我要應付更多的文章

  • and that required attending classes.

    且需要進教室上課

  • I was still securely absent from classes at this point.

    但我蹲牢房沒辦法進教室啊

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • But I was able to complete these papers because those teaching them

    但我也能夠完成這些文章

  • allowed me to enroll as a special distance student,

    因為老師們允許我上遙距課程

  • in addition to their normal workloads.

    縱然加重了他們的工作負擔

  • At various stages in my journey, I encountered obstacles

    在不同的階段我遇上了挫折

  • that required persistence and commitment to overcome.

    這些都需要堅持和克服的決心

  • Yet my dreams increased in proportion to my successes.

    我的夢想也提升了我成功的機會

  • Once I had completed my Masters,

    當我完成了碩士課程

  • a Doctorate seemed like the next logical step.

    合理的下一步就是博士學位

  • This time the barrier was even bigger.

    這次的障礙就更大

  • I was told it would be impossible to start a Doctorate,

    我被告知我是不可能修讀博士課程