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  • It could seem odd, nowadays, to feel shame about one's interest in, or feelings about,

    現在看來,一個人對自己的興趣或感情感到羞恥,可能會很奇怪。

  • sex. As modern enlightened people, we're all meant to be extremely confident, well-adjusted

    性。作為現代的開明人士,我們都應該是極度自信、善於調整的

  • and enthusiastic around the topic of sex.

    並熱衷於圍繞性話題。

  • But far from it. Sexual shame has, in truth, never remotely gone away, for many of us be it is primarily

    但遠非如此。性羞恥感,事實上,從來沒有消失過,對我們很多人來說,它主要是:

  • a psychological, not some sort of political or religious problem.

    心理問題,而不是某種政治或宗教問題;

  • Our capacity to express our sexual selves confidently and happily, our ability to say

    我們自信而快樂地表達性自我的能力,我們能夠說

  • what we want, to ask for it without embarrassment and quickly to leave situations where we are

    我們想要的東西,要求它沒有尷尬,並迅速離開的情況下,我們是。

  • unfulfilled or humiliated, all these are enormous psychological achievements.

    不滿足或受辱,這些都是巨大的心理成就。

  • They are also generally only available spontaneously to those who enjoyed highly supportive and

    他們一般也只自發地提供給那些享有高度支持和

  • emotionally evolved early environments. For us to be naturally sexually untroubled adults

    情感進化的早期環境。我們要想成為一個自然的性無憂的成年人

  • requires that, way back, others (who were relaxed in their own selves) will have left

    要求,回過頭來,別人(放鬆了自己的自我)就會離開。

  • us feeling acceptable to ourselves: enjoying a sense that our bodies and their functions

    我們對自己的感覺是可以接受的:享受我們的身體及其功能的感覺。

  • were natural and fine things, that we were not naughty or sinful for expressing curiosity

    是自然而然的好事情,我們並沒有因為表達好奇心而淘氣或犯罪。

  • about our bodily pleasures, that it was OK to make mess every now and then - and that

    關於我們的身體的樂趣,它是確定的 偶爾使混亂 - 和

  • it was, for example, more than a good idea to be, at the age of two, properly delighted

    比如說,在兩歲的時候,就更應該高興了。

  • by the strange and wondrous existence of one's own bottom.

    由自己的底層奇異而奇妙的存在。

  • Sexual desire is one of the most personal and vulnerable things that we are ever called

    性慾是我們最私密、最脆弱的東西之一,我們被稱為

  • upon to express - and it exposes one to potentially momentous degrees of ridicule. As bullies

    它使一個人面臨著潛在的重大嘲笑。作為欺凌者

  • of all kinds have always known, if you want to destroy someone fast, shame them about

    各行各業的人都知道,如果你想快速消滅一個人,就羞辱他

  • their sexuality; they'll never have the self-confidence to challenge you again.

    他們的性慾;他們將永遠沒有自信再挑戰你。

  • There are few things more deeply 'us' than our longing for sexual connection and

    沒有什麼東西比我們對性愛的渴望更深的 "我們"。

  • therefore any feelings of unworthiness - any worries about how nice we are, how deserving

    是以,任何不值得的感覺--任何關於我們有多好、多值得的擔心。

  • we may be or how legitimate it is that we exist - have a sure habit of cropping up in

    我們可能是,或者我們的存在是多麼的合法--有一個肯定的習慣,出現在我們的生活中。

  • the bedroom and of destroying our ability to be straightforward and unconflicted sexual

    臥室和破壞我們的能力是直截了當的和不折不扣的性愛。

  • beings. To generalise crudely, if there is any danger of us feeling bad about ourselves,

    眾生。粗略地概括一下,如果有什麼危險,我們會覺得自己很糟糕。

  • we're going - by a psychological inevitability - to feel bad about ourselves and sex. What

    我們會因為心理上的必然性而對自己和性感到不滿。什麼?

  • get called sexual problems - impotence, vaginismus, lack of desire, harmful addictions or a general

    被稱為性問題--陽痿、陰道炎、缺乏慾望、有害的癖好或一般的問題。

  • fear of intimacy - are, first and foremost, always problems of self-hatred. As a rule

    對親密關係的恐懼--首先,總是自我憎恨的問題。一般來說

  • one can't both hate oneself and be having a terrific time in bed.

    一個人不可能既恨自己又在床上玩得很開心。

  • Beginning to repair the problem of sexual shame relies on a basic acceptance that the

    開始修復性羞恥問題,有賴於基本接受以下事實:

  • problem exists and that it has probably been playing havoc with our lives. We need to learn

    問題的存在,而且它可能一直在破壞我們的生活。我們需要學習

  • to name and track the matter, to say to ourselves and then a few loved ones: I feel debilitating

    來命名和追蹤這件事,對自己說,然後對幾個親人說。我覺得自己很虛弱

  • shame around sex and that's OK. A commitment to change is what counts; despite all the

    圍繞性的羞恥感,這是好的。承諾改變才是最重要的;儘管有所有的

  • cheery suggestions to the contrary, a lot of us, women and men, are right now (as in

    我們中的很多人,無論男女,現在都在(因為我們的工作是為了讓我們的生活更美好)。

  • the heyday of the Spanish Inquisition) walking the earth intensely ashamed of ourselves sexually

    在西班牙宗教裁判所的鼎盛時期)行走在地球上,對自己的性行為感到非常羞恥。

  • - not because what we want sexually is in any objective way 'bad' (that is, willingly

    - 並不是因為我們想要的性愛在客觀上有什麼 "不好 "的地方(就是心甘情願地

  • hurtful to someone else) but because our histories have predisposed us to feel so negatively

    傷害他人),但因為我們的歷史已經使我們傾向於如此消極的感覺。

  • about our own selfhood.

    關於我們的自性。

  • A central effect of sexual shame is to silence us. We are so embarrassed that we cannot even

    性羞恥感的一個核心作用是讓我們沉默。我們是如此的尷尬,以至於我們甚至不能

  • speak of our embarrassment. It is of huge importance therefore to dare to put our feelings

    談到我們的尷尬。是以,敢於把我們的感情放在心上,是非常重要的。

  • into words and to seek out warm-hearted, broad-minded people with whom we can, in safety, finally

    語,並尋找熱心腸、心胸寬廣的人,我們可以在安全的情況下,最終與他們一起

  • admit to our inhibitions - and learn to see ourselves through more unbiased, non-judgemental

    承認我們的禁忌--並學會通過更公正的、非評判性的方式來看待自己。

  • and caring eyes. Through their love, we can hope to find a way to express what we desire

    和關愛的眼神。通過他們的愛,我們可以希望找到一種方式來表達我們的願望。

  • and who we are with a little less terror.

    和我們的身份,少了些許恐怖。

  • It's even a massive advance to stop imagining that sex can be uncomplicated for us - and

    這甚至是一個巨大的進步,停止想象性愛對我們來說可以是不復雜的--和。

  • simply to own up to the huge difficulties we have with it. Acknowledging that we can't

    只是要自己承認我們對它的巨大困難。承認我們不能

  • feel about sex what we're mean to feel is the beginning of progress and liberation.

    我們對性的感覺 我們對性的感覺是進步和解放的開始。

  • To take a measure of how much shame we are carrying within us, we might along the way

    為了衡量我們內心的羞恥感有多大,我們可以順便看看

  • ask ourselves a few poignant questions to which we might not have pleasant answers:

    問自己幾個尖銳的問題,我們可能沒有愉快的答案。

  • How do you feel about your own body? How sorry do you have to feel for a person

    你對自己的身體有什麼感覺?你要為一個人感到多麼的遺憾?

  • having sex with you? Could someone know you sexually, properly

    與你發生性關係?會不會有人對你進行性瞭解,正確的

  • know you, and still like you?

    認識你,還喜歡你?

  • We - the ashamed ones - deserve to rediscover sex not as a zone of guilt and fear but as

    我們--那些羞愧的人--應該重新發現性,而不是作為一個內疚和恐懼的區域,而是作為...

  • an intensely fulfilling, innocent and in the profound sense 'fun' pastime, something

    一種強烈的滿足感,天真無邪,在深刻的意義上是 "有趣 "的消遣,有些東西。

  • we truly deserve to enjoy in the same way that, despite early intimations to the contrary,

    我們真正應該以同樣的方式來享受,儘管早期有相反的暗示。

  • we truly deserve

    當之無愧

  • to exist.

    以存在。

It could seem odd, nowadays, to feel shame about one's interest in, or feelings about,

現在看來,一個人對自己的興趣或感情感到羞恥,可能會很奇怪。

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克服性羞恥 (Overcoming Sexual Shame)

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    Summer 發佈於 2021 年 04 月 14 日
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