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  • Dear Kitten,

    親愛的小貓

  • Since I have hissed at you the customary 437 times,

    自從我習慣性地對你哈氣 437 回後

  • it is now my duty as the head of the household to, begrudgingly, welcome you.

    現在身為一家之主的我有責任,百般不願地,歡迎你

  • Perhaps you are here to replace me,

    也許你是來取代我的

  • but I must do my duty in educating you on your new surroundings as Maximilian once did for me.

    但我還是得履行我的責任:讓你熟悉新環境,就像麥克米倫之前為我做的

  • Rest in peace.

    願老麥安息

  • Dear Kitten, this room here is basically a crapshoot.

    親愛的小貓,這間房間基本上就像場賭注

  • Either you get the petting of your life and I mean two hands

    你有可能得到生命中的「摸摸」,我指用兩隻手的那種

  • like you don't even know what's going on,

    摸到讓你神魂顛倒

  • or they just lie there and don't do anything for hours. It's weird.

    或者他們就只會躺在那邊好幾個小時,什麼都不做。有夠奇怪

  • Oh, and I should also point out.

    噢,還有我必須指出

  • On special occasions they will leave the underwear drawer open to signal their appreciation...of me.

    在特殊時刻時他們會打開內褲那層衣櫃,來表示 ... 對我的感激

  • Just to be clear, it's my spot.

    話先說清楚:那是我的地盤

  • It's perfect in there. It's like sleeping surrounded by underwear.

    待在裡面棒極了... 就像在內褲海中睡覺

  • Well, I meanthat's exactly what it is.

    呃,我的意思是 ... 就該是那樣

  • Dear Kitten, I remember when I could fit in a shoe. There's nothing like it.

    親愛的小貓,我還記得當時可以塞進鞋子裡時,沒有什麼比這更棒的了:

  • Being engulfed in 360 degrees of foot smell.

    被腳臭味 360 度吞沒

  • Enjoy it while you can.

    在你還塞得進去時好好享受吧

  • Dear kitten, because you are so small, you cannot jump.

    親愛的小貓,因為你太小隻還無法跳

  • Which is sad. Sad for you. But eventually you will.

    真可悲。替你感到難過 。但你終究會跳的

  • And you will find the places that I referred to as "up."

    然後你會找到一些被我稱為是「上」的地方

  • This will come in handy, especially around the human larva,

    這時候就很管用了,尤其當小人類在附近時

  • which I know smells like milk, but can be a bit...grabby.

    就我所知他們聞起來像牛奶,但可能會讓你很想抓他們

  • Dear Kitten, you should be aware that there are two kinds of food.

    親愛的小貓,你得注意食物有兩種

  • The first is sort of a dehydrated, brown nibblet.

    第一種像是脫水的咖啡色點點

  • I think they give us these because they are training us to be astronauts.

    我想他們給我們這東西是想把我們訓練成太空人吧

  • Just a guess. The second kind is wet food.

    猜猜而已。第二種食物是濕食

  • It is so special they keep it in little armored metal casings that no claw can penetrate.

    它們特別到要被放在小小的鐵甲容器中,任何爪子都無法刺穿

  • With no claws to speak of,

    人類雖然沒有爪子

  • the humans can somehow open them. It's like some dark magic.

    卻能以某種方式打開他們。這簡直像是某種黑魔法

  • Dear Kitten, I should warn you of the monster known as "Va-cuum."

    親愛的小貓,我得警告你一種叫「吸塵器」的怪物

  • It can eat and yell at the same time. And i've seen it eat everything.

    他會吃了你,同時間大吼。我看過它吃掉所有的東西

  • Seriously, like a paper clip and two cat toys.

    說真的。它會吃掉像一個迴紋針及兩個貓玩具

  • Didn't even flinch. To hide from "Va-cuum," you may use the curtains of invisibility.

    不用害怕。要躲避 「吸塵獸」,你可以善加利用隱形窗簾

  • Oh yeah, you're good.

    噢耶,你不錯哦

  • Good hiding. Oh, boy. Dear Kitten, one final note.

    躲得好。噢嗚天啊。親愛的小貓,最後一個忠告:

  • Once in a while you might see a little red dot.

    你可能偶爾會看到一個小紅點

  • I'm going to tell you this right now. It is real and it can be caught.

    我現在就要跟你說:那個點是真的,而且是抓得到的

  • I did it once. I held it for a full minute.

    我曾經成功抓住一次並維持整整一分鐘

  • But when I lifted my paws, it was gone.

    但當我舉手掌時,點點就不見了

  • So Kitten, welcome to the household.

    所以小貓,歡迎來到這個家

  • You will do just fine.

    你會混得不錯的

  • (turned back immediately)

    (馬上轉頭)

  • (huluhuluhulu)

    (呼嚕嚕嚕嚕嚕)

Dear Kitten,

親愛的小貓

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超中肯!老貓給小貓的一堂課 (Dear Kitten)

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    Tong-Ann Sytwu 發佈於 2015 年 03 月 19 日
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