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  • I have a daughter, Mulan.

    我有個女兒,她叫木蘭。

  • And when she was eight, last year,

    在她八歲的時候,也就是去年,

  • she was doing a report for school

    她在做一份作業,

  • or she had some homework about frogs.

    一份關於青蛙的作業。

  • And we were at this restaurant,

    我們在一家餐廳用餐,

  • and she said, "So, basically,

    她說:「基本上,

  • frogs lay eggs

    青蛙會先生蛋,

  • and the eggs turn into tadpoles,

    蛋變成蝌蚪,

  • and tadpoles turn into frogs."

    然後蝌蚪再變成青蛙。」

  • And I said, "Yeah. You know, I'm not really up on my frog reproduction that much.

    我說:「嗯,我對青蛙的繁殖並不是真的那麼瞭解。

  • It's the females, I think, that lay the eggs,

    我想,是母的青蛙生蛋,

  • and then the males fertilize them.

    然後公的青蛙讓這些蛋受精,

  • And then they become tadpoles and frogs."

    然後變成蝌蚪和青蛙。」

  • And she says, "What? Only the females have eggs?"

    然後她說:「什麼?只有母的會生蛋?」

  • And I said, "Yeah."

    我說:「對啊。」

  • And she goes, "And what's this fertilizing?"

    然後她說:「那什麼是受精?」

  • So I kind of said, "Oh, it's this extra ingredient,

    所以我回答:「噢,就是加入一些其他的材料啊...

  • you know, that you need

    就是青蛙媽媽

  • to create a new frog

    和青蛙爸爸會一起

  • from the mom and dad frog." (Laughter)

    製造出一隻新的青蛙啊...」

  • And she said, "Oh, so is that true for humans too?"

    然後她說:「噢,那人類也一樣嗎?」

  • And I thought, "Okay, here we go."

    我心裡想,「好吧,總是要面對的。」

  • I didn't know it would happen so quick, at eight.

    我不知道孩子還這麼小就會想知道這件事,才八歲耶...

  • I was trying to remember all the guidebooks,

    我試著回想我看過的指導手冊,

  • and all I could remember was,

    我能想到的只有

  • "Only answer the question they're asking.

    「只要回答他們問的問題就好,

  • Don't give any more information." (Laughter)

    其他不要多講。」

  • So I said, "Yes."

    所以我回答:「是啊。」

  • And she said, "And where do, um,

    然後她說:「那,蛋在哪裡?

  • where do human women,

    人類女性...

  • like, where do women lay their eggs?"

    女人把蛋生在哪裡?」

  • And I said, "Well,

    我說:「嗯,

  • funny you should ask. (Laughter)

    你問得很有趣,

  • We have evolved to have our own pond.

    我們已經進化到有自己的池塘了哦,

  • We have our very own pond inside our bodies.

    我們在自己的身體裡有一個池塘,

  • And we lay our eggs there,

    我們就把蛋生在那裡,

  • we don't have to worry about other eggs or anything like that.

    我們不用擔心有其他人的蛋或是其他什麼的。

  • It's our own pond. And that's how it happens."

    那是我們自己的池塘,就是這樣。」

  • And she goes, "Then how do they get fertilized?"

    然後她說:「那這些蛋怎麼受精?」

  • And I said, "Well,

    我說:「嗯,

  • Men, through their penis,

    男人,用他們的小雞雞,

  • they fertilize the eggs by the sperm coming out.

    把精子發射出來,讓這些蛋受精,

  • And you go through the woman's vagina."

    然後你就從女人的陰道生出來了。」

  • And so we're just eating, and her jaw just drops,

    我們那時正在吃飯,她的下巴都快掉下來了,

  • and she goes, "Mom!

    然後她問:「媽咪!

  • Like, where you go to the bathroom?"

    就像你上廁所一樣?」

  • And I said, "I know.

    然後我說:「我知道...

  • I know."

    我知道...」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • That's how we evolved. It does seem odd.

    這就是生物啊...看起來確實很怪,

  • It is a little bit like having a waste treatment plant

    就有點像是在遊樂場旁邊

  • right next to an amusement park ...

    蓋了一個化糞池一樣,

  • Bad zoning, but ..." (Laughter)

    地點選得不好,但是...

  • She's like, "What?" And she goes, "But Mom,

    她的表情像在說:「什麼?」然後她問:「但是媽咪,

  • but men and women can't ever see each other naked, Mom.

    男生和女生不是不能互相偷看對方脫光光嗎?

  • So how could that ever happen?"

    那要怎麼受精?」

  • And then I go, "Well," and then I put my Margaret Mead hat on.

    我只好把自己裝成瑪格麗特.米格(人類學家):

  • "Human males and females

    「人類的社會為男性和女性

  • develop a special bond,

    建立了一些規範,

  • and when they're much older, much, much older than you,

    當他們長大之後,比你大很多、很多的時候,

  • and they have a very special feeling,

    當他們對彼此具有好感之後,

  • then they can be naked together."

    就可以脫光光在一起了。」

  • And she said, "Mom,

    然後她問:「媽咪,

  • have you done this before?"

    那你以前做過嗎?」

  • And I said, "Yes."

    我說:「有啊。」

  • And she said, "But Mom, you can't have kids."

    然後她說:「但是媽咪,你不能生小孩啊...」

  • Because she knows that I adopted her and that I can't have kids.

    她知道她是被我領養的,而且我不能生育。

  • And I said, "Yes."

    我說:「對啊。」

  • And she said, "Well, you don't have to do that again."

    然後她說:「嗯,那你以後就不用再做了。」

  • And I said, "..."

    然後我說:「...」

  • And then she said, "But how does it happen when a man and woman are together?

    然後她說:「那男人和女人在一起的時候是怎麼做的呢?

  • Like, how do they know that's the time?

    像他們怎麼知道要什麼時候做?

  • Mom, does the man just say,

    媽咪,還是男人會說

  • 'Is now the time to take off my pants?'"

    『我現在可以脫褲子了嗎?』」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • And I said, "Yes."

    我說:「對啊。」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • "That is exactly right.

    「你說的對,

  • That's exactly how it happens."

    就是這樣。」

  • So we're driving home and she's looking out the window, and she goes,

    當我們開車回家的時候,她看著車窗外面,突然問說:

  • "Mom. What if two just people saw each other on the street,

    「媽咪,會不會有二個人在路上遇到,

  • like a man and a woman, they just started doing it. Would that ever happen?"

    剛好是一個男人和一個女人,然後他們就問始做了?會不會這樣?」

  • And I said, "Oh, no. Humans are so private.

    我說:「噢,不會。人類是很注重隱私的,

  • Oh ..."

    不會這樣。」

  • And then she goes, "What if there was like a party,

    她接著問:「那會不會在派對上,

  • and there was just like a whole bunch of girls and a whole bunch of boys,

    剛好有一群女孩子和一群男孩子,

  • and there was a bunch of men and women and they just started doing it, Mom?

    也有一群男人和一群女人,然後就開始做了?

  • Would that ever happen?"

    媽咪,會不會這樣?」

  • And I said, "Oh, no, no.

    我說:「噢,不會,不會。

  • That's not how we do it."

    人類不是這樣的。」

  • Then we got home and we see the cat. And she goes,

    然後我們回到家看到了貓咪,她就問:

  • "Mom, how do cats do it?"

    「媽咪,那貓咪是怎麼做的?」

  • And I go, "Oh, it's the same. It's basically the same."

    我說:「噢,一樣啊,基本上都一樣。」

  • And then she got all caught up in the legs. "But how would the legs go, Mom?

    然後她開始煩我腳的問題:「那腳要擺哪裡?

  • I don't understand the legs."

    媽咪,我不懂腳可以擺哪裡?」

  • She goes, "Mom, everyone can't do the splits."

    她說:「媽咪,不是每個人都會劈腿吧?」

  • And I go, "I know, but the legs ..."

    我說:「我知道...但是腳...」

  • and I'm probably like, "The legs get worked out."

    我回答:「腳會自己想辦法。」

  • And she goes, "But I just can't understand it."

    然後她說:「但是我就是不懂啊...」

  • So I go, "You know, why don't we go on the Internet,

    所以我建議:「我們為什麼不上網,

  • and maybe we can see ... like on Wikipedia." (Laughter)

    看看能不能找到...像是維基百科之類的。」

  • So we go online, and we put in "cats mating."

    然後我們上網,我輸入貓咪交配,

  • And, unfortunately, on YouTube, there's many cats mating videos.

    然後,竟然在Youtube上找到了很多貓咪交配的影片。

  • And we watched them and I'm so thankful,

    然後我們就看這些影片,我心存感謝,

  • because she's just like, "Wow! This is so amazing."

    因為她的表情就像,「哇!太精彩了!」

  • She goes, "What about dogs?"

    然後她又說:「那狗是怎麼交配的?」

  • So we put in dogs mating, and,

    所以我們又輸入狗的交配,

  • you know, we're watching it, and she's totally absorbed.

    然後就又開始看那些影片,她完全專注在那些影片上。

  • And then she goes, "Mom,

    最後她問:「媽咪,

  • do you think they would have, on the Internet,

    你覺得在網路上,

  • any humans mating?"

    會不會有人交配的影片?」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • And then I realized that

    然後我才發覺,

  • I had taken my little eight year old's hand,

    我把自己的八歲女兒

  • and taken her right into Internet porn. (Laughter)

    帶進了網路色情世界裡去了。

  • And I looked into this

    然後我看著這個

  • trusting, loving face,

    全心信任我、愛我的小臉蛋,

  • and I said,

    我說:

  • "Oh, no.

    「噢,不會,

  • That would never happen."

    網路上沒有。」

  • Thank you.

    謝謝你們。

  • (Applause)

    (掌聲)

  • Thank you.

    謝謝你們。

  • (Applause)

    (掌聲)

  • Thank you. I'm so happy to be here.

    謝謝你們。我很高興來到這裡。

I have a daughter, Mulan.

我有個女兒,她叫木蘭。

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A2 初級 中文 美國腔 媽咪 青蛙 受精 貓咪 池塘 女人

Julia Sweeney 與八歲女兒的對話 Julia Sweeney: It's time for "The Talk"

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    許瓊文 發佈於 2014 年 07 月 24 日
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