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(Music) This is the human test,
(音樂) 這是「人類測驗」
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a test to see if you are a human.
測驗你是否為人類
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Please raise your hand if something applies to you.
當有事項適用在你身上時 請舉手
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Are we agreed? Yes?
我們有共識嗎? 有嗎?
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Then let's begin.
那我們開始吧
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Have you ever eaten a booger
你曾經吃過鼻屎嗎?
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long past your childhood?
即使過了童年許久
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(Laughter)
(笑聲)
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It's okay, it's safe here.
放心上 在這裡很安全的
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Have you ever made a small, weird sound
你曾經發出小小的怪聲
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when you remembered something embarrassing?
當你想請令你尷尬的事?
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Have you ever purposely lowercased
你是否曾經刻意小寫
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the first letter of a text
訊息中的第一個字
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in order to come across as sad or disappointed?
以表達傷心或失望?
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(Laughter)
(笑聲)
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Okay.
好的
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Have you ever ended a text with a period
你曾經在訊息最後使用句點
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as a sign of aggression? Okay. Period.
已表示積極? 好的 那句點
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Have you ever laughed or smiled
你曾經大笑或微笑
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when someone said something shitty to you
當然有跟你說了粗魯的話
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and then spent the rest of the day
然後花了一整天
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wondering why you reacted that way?
思考自己為什麼會有那種反應?
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Yes.
是吧
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Have you ever seemed to lose your airplane ticket
你是否曾經感覺遺失了機票
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a thousand times as you walked
一千遍 當你從
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from the check-in to the gate?
出關口走到閘門?
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Yes.
對吧
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Have you ever put on a pair of pants
你是否曾經穿上褲子
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and then much later realized that there was
然後過了一陣子後 才發現
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a loose sock smushed up against your thigh?
有一隻襪子 貼在自己的大腿之上
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(Laughter)
(笑聲)
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Good.
很好
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Have you ever tried to guess someone else's password
你曾經猜過別人的密碼
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so many times that it locked their account?
次數多到害別人的帳好被嗎?
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Mmm.
嗯
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Have you ever had a nagging feeling that one day
你是否曾經有過惱人的感覺
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you will be discovered as a fraud?
有一天自己會被發現是騙子?
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Yes, it's safe here.
沒關係的 這裡很安全
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Have you ever hoped that there was some ability
你是否曾經期待有一些能力
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you hadn't discovered yet
尚未被發掘
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that you were just naturally great at?
但你天生在行的?
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Mmm.
嗯
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Have you ever broken something in real life,
你是否曾經在生活中弄壞過東西
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and then found yourself looking
然後發現自己正在尋找
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for an "undo" button in real life?
真實人生中的「重置」鑑
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Have you ever misplaced your TED badge
你否曾經搞丟你的TED入場證
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and then immediately started imagining
然後馬上開始想像一個
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what a three-day Vancouver vacation might look like?
三天的溫哥華假期會是如何?
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Have you ever marveled
你是否曾經讚嘆
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at how someone you thought was so ordinary
一個你曾經覺得如此平庸的人
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could suddenly become so beautiful?
怎麼會突然變得那麼美麗?
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Have you ever stared at your phone
你否曾經看著自己的手機
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smiling like an idiot while texting with someone?
像一個笨蛋一樣傻笑 跟其他人傳訊息?
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Have you ever subsequently texted that person
你是否連續地跟傳訊息的對方說
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the phrase "I'm staring at the phone
「我盯著手機
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smiling like an idiot"?
笑的跟傻瓜一樣」?
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Have you ever been tempted to,
你是否曾經被誘惑
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and then gave in to the temptation,
然後屈服於誘惑之下
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of looking through someone else's phone?
去翻看別人的手機內容?
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Have you ever had a conversation with yourself
你否曾經跟自己對話
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and then suddenly realized
然後忽然意識到
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you're a real asshole to yourself?
你對你自己像個混蛋一樣?
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(Laughter)
(笑聲)
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Has your phone ever run out of battery
你的手機是否曾經沒電
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in the middle of an argument,
在一個爭吵之中
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and it sort of felt like the phone
然後那個手機感覺起來
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was breaking up with both of you?
在幫你們兩個分手?
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Have you ever thought
你是否曾經想過
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that working on an issue between you was futile
處理一個關於自己的事情 是白費力氣
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because it should just be easier than this,
因為一切應該更加簡單
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or this is supposed to happen just naturally?
或是一切應該發生的很自然?
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Have you ever realized that very little, in the long run,
你是否曾經意識到很多小事 長遠來說
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just happens naturally?
很自然地就發生?
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Have you ever woken up blissfully
你是否曾經醒來覺得幸福
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and suddenly been flooded by the awful remembrance
然後忽然被難過的情緒淹沒
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that someone had left you?
因為憶起有人已經離開你了?
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Have you ever lost the ability to imagine a future
你是否曾經失去在未來中
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without a person
想像一個不在的人
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that no longer was in your life?
將永遠不存在你的生命之中的能力?
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Have you ever looked back on that event
你是否曾經回想那個事件
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with the sad smile of autumn
帶著悲秋的輕笑
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and the realization that futures will happen
以及對於未來終究會發生的
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regardless?
覺悟?
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Congratulations.
恭喜你
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You have now completed the test.
你已經完成測驗了
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You are all human.
你們全部都是人類
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(Applause)
(鼓掌)