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  • >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

    >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

  • WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

    歡迎來到 "深夜秀"。

  • I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

    我是你的主播,史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

  • MMM...

    MMM...

  • OOOH...

    哦...

  • WELL, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

    很高興再次見到你。

  • HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN GONE?

    我走了多久了?

  • >> A WEEK.

    >>一個星期。

  • >> Stephen: A WEEK.

    >> 史蒂芬:一個星期。

  • I MISSED YOU.

    我很想你

  • I HOPE YOU MISSED ME.

    我希望你能想念我。

  • SO MUCH HAS CHANGED IN THAT NOTHING IS CHANGING.

    這麼多的變化在,沒有什麼是改變的。

  • BECAUSE THE BIG STORY TODAY IS I'M STILL HERE

    因為今天的大事件是我還在這裡。

  • YOU'RE STILL THERE, AND WE'VE BEEN THAT WAY FOR ALMOST A YEAR.

    你還在那裡,我們已經在那裡呆了一年多了。

  • WE'RE APPROACHING THE PANDEMIC'S FIRST ANNIVERSARY.

    我們即將迎來PANDEMIC的一週年紀念日。

  • TRADITIONALLY, THE GIFT IS PAPER, ON A ROLL, NEXT TO A

    傳統上,禮物是紙,一卷一卷的,旁邊有一張紙。

  • TOILET.

    TOILET:

  • BUT EVEN AS THE DEATH TOLL CROSSES HALF A MILLION, THERE IS

    但是,即使死亡人數超過50萬,也還有

  • GOOD NEWS: PRESIDENT BIDEN EXPECTS TO SURPASS HIS GOAL

    好消息:比登總統預計將超額完成他的目標。比登總統預計將超額完成他的目標。

  • OF 100 MILLION SHOTS IN 100 DAYS, AND LAST WEEK, THE DAILY

    100天1億次射擊,而上週,《每日》雜誌就有了這樣的報道。

  • INOCULATION AVERAGE CLIMBED TO 1.7 MILLION SHOTS PER DAY.

    平均接種量攀升至每天170萬次。

  • SO, THE MAIN QUESTION ON EVERYONE'S MIND IS: WHEN WILL

    所以,每個人心中的主要問題是:什麼時候...

  • THINGS BE NORMAL?

    事情是正常的?

  • ONE PROFESSOR AT JOHNS HOPKINS SAYS, "WE'LL HAVE HERD IMMUNITY

    約翰霍普金斯大學的一位教授說:"我們將擁有牛群免疫力。

  • BY APRIL."

    四月前。"

  • APRIL?

    APRIL?

  • THAT'S GREAT!

    那是偉大的!

  • BUT IT DOES MEAN I ACTUALLY HAVE TO GET STARTED ON MY BEACH BOD'.

    但這意味著我實際上必須開始在我的海灘身體"。

  • RIGHT NOW I'M ROCKIN' MORE OF A WASHED-UP-ON-THE-BEACH BOD'.

    現在我更多的是在海灘上洗漱的身體。

  • MAYBE FISHED OUT OF THE RIVER, DRAGGED OUT OF THE LAKE.

    也許是被從河裡撈出來,從湖裡拖出來。

  • OF COURSE, AS EXCITING AS THIS PREDICTION IS, KEEP IN MIND, IT

    當然,由於這個預測是令人興奮的,請記住,它是

  • FIRST APPEARED IN "THE NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF TELLING YOU

    首發於《新英格蘭新聞雜誌》。

  • WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR."

    你想聽什麼。"

  • THIS MONTH'S COVER STORY: "MOST PEOPLE YOUR AGE CAN'T PULL OFF A

    本月封面故事:"大多數和你同齡的人都不能脫掉衣服。

  • LEATHER JACKET, BUT YOU LOOK GREAT!"

    皮夾克,但你看起來很棒!"

  • SO, IT'S HAPPENING!

    所以,它的發生!

  • WE'RE GOING BACK TO NORMAL IN APRIL!

    我們四月要恢復正常了!

  • OR AS PRESIDENT BIDEN PUT IT SLIGHTLY DIFFERENTLY:

    或如比登主席所言,略有不同。

  • >> BY NEXT CHRISTMAS.

    >> 下個聖誕節前。

  • >> STEPHEN: ALL RIGHT, FINE.

    >> 好的,很好。

  • NEXT CHRISTMAS.

    下一個聖誕節。

  • WHATEVER.

    什麼的。

  • AT LEAST AT THIS YEAR'S FAMILY MEALS, WE WON'T BE SAYING,

    至少在今年的家宴上,我們不會說,

  • "UNCLE PHIL, YOU'RE ON MUTE!" WE'LL BE SAYING, "I WISH WE

    "菲爾叔叔,你是靜音的!"我們會說,"我希望我們...

  • COULD PUT UNCLE PHIL ON MUTE."

    可以把菲利普叔叔關靜音。"

  • ANYWAY, IT'S THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT... FOR THE GRINCH

    無論如何,這是完美的聖誕禮物... ...對於GRINCH

  • TO STEAL.

    竊取。

  • BECAUSE DR. FAUCI SAYS IT'S POSSIBLE WE'LL STILL BE WEARING

    因為Dr. FAUCI說FAUCI醫生說,我們有可能會繼續戴著它

  • MASKS IN 2022.

    2022年的面具。

  • GREAT!

    太好了!

  • WE'LL BE BACK TO NORMAL BY APRIL-- CHRISTMAS A YEAR AND A

  • HALF FROM NOW.

    從現在起半價。

  • ONE OF THOSE!

    其中之一!

  • ANY ONE OF THOSE!

    其中任何一個!

  • LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY -- IF THIS WERE CLIMBING MOUNT

    讓我這樣說吧 -- 如果這是攀登的山峰。

  • EVEREST, WE'D EITHER BE ABOUT TO SUMMIT, SET UP BASE CAMP, OR

    埃弗里斯特,我們要麼是要去度假,要麼是要去建立基地,要麼是要去建立營地。

  • THINKING ABOUT BUYING A CLIF BAR AT CVS.

    想著在CVS買個CLIF BAR。

  • BUT WHATEVER THAT -- YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

    但不管怎樣,你知道我在說什麼嗎?

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I'M FEELING, RIGHT?

    你知道我在想什麼,對吧?

  • WELL, THEN -- WHERE ARE WE IN WE'RE, LIKE, IN PURGATORY HERE!

    好吧,那麼... ...我們在哪裡... ...我們在這裡,就像,在PURGATORY!

  • WHENEVER NORMAL HAPPENS, THIS COUNTRY IS MORE THAN READY. IN

    只要正常情況發生,這個國家就會做好準備。在

  • FACT, A NEW SURVEY FOUND THAT 38% OF AMERICANS WOULD GIVE UP

    事實上,一項最新調查發現,38%的美國人願意放棄。

  • SEX FOR A YEAR TO GO ON A TRIP IMMEDIATELY.

    SEX一年去旅行即時。

  • WHICH MEANS AN ASTOUNDING 38% OF AMERICANS HAVE HAD SEX THIS

    這意味著驚人的38%的美國人已經發生了性關係,這。

  • YEAR.

    年。

  • EVIDENTLY, SOME PEOPLE ARE TURNED ON BY A HOT BOWL OF

    很明顯,有些人被一碗熱騰騰的...

  • COUCH LASAGNA.

    COUCH LASAGNA.

  • MMM!

    MMM!

  • YOU'RE LOOKING LOGY.

    你看LOGY。

  • THERE WAS A LITTLE NEWS TIDBIT YOU MIGHT'VE MISSED LAST WEEK

    上週有一條你可能會錯過的小新聞

  • WHEN THE SENATE ACQUITTED THE FORMER PRESIDENT IN HIS SECOND

    當參議院在前任主席的第二任期內收買他時

  • IMPEACHMENT TRIAL FOR INSURRECTION.

    因保險而進行的缺席審判;

  • WE WERE ON BREAK WHEN IT HAPPENED, BUT I PROMISE WE'LL

    我們在休息的時候,它發生了,但我保證我們將

  • HAVE FULL COVERAGE OF HIS THIRD IMPEACHMENT.

    對他的第三次執政進行全面報道。

  • BUT OL' DOLT 45'S NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET.

    但是,OL'DOLT 45'S還沒有走出木頭。

  • BECAUSE TODAY, THE SUPREME COURT DENIED HIS FINAL BID TO BLOCK

    因為今天,最高法院駁回了他的最後一次阻撓請求。

  • THE RELEASE OF HIS TAX RETURNS.

    釋放他的稅收回報。

  • WOO!

    嗚!

  • ♪♪♪ THAT'S IT!

    就是這樣!

  • THANK YOU!

    謝謝你!

  • THAT WAS HARDLY EVEN DANGEROUS!

    那根本就不危險!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) OH!

    (笑)哦!

  • BREAK OUT THE CHAMPAGNE GLASSES!

    拿出香榭麗舍玻璃杯來!

  • AND MY READING GLASSES!

    還有我的閱讀眼鏡!

  • THERE'S GONNA BE SOME FINE PRINT!

    一定會有一些精美的印刷品!

  • I'LL GIVE YOU THE 4-1-1 ON THE 1099'S IN OUR NEW, HOPEFULLY

    我會給你4-1-1在我們新的,希望的1099 S

  • VERY RECURRING SEGMENT: >> LOCK HIM UP!

    非常循環的部分。>> 把他鎖起來!

  • LOCK HIM UP!

    把他鎖起來!

  • LOCK HIM UP!

    把他鎖起來!

  • LOCK HIM UP!

    把他鎖起來!

  • >> Stephen: THE NICE THING ABOUT BEING GONE, BECAUSE YOU

    >> 斯蒂芬:離開的好處,因為你

  • DON'T MISS A STEP -- I STILL GOT IT, BABY!

    不要錯過一個步驟 - 我仍然得到它,寶貝!

  • FOR YEARS, THE FORMER PRESIDENT -- I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE

    多年來,前總統 -- 我以為會是... ...

  • ONE OF THOSE POPPER THINGS THAT REALLY ENDANGERS EVERYONE AROUND

    其中的一個流行的東西,真正危及周圍的人

  • YOU.

    你。

  • THIS IS WHY REHEARSAL IS HANDY.

    這就是為什麼排練是很容易的。

  • FOR YEARS, THE FORMER PRESIDENT HAS BEEN DESPERATE TO PREVENT

    多年來,前總統一直急於防止......。

  • PROSECUTORS FROM GETTING THEIR HANDS ON ANY DOCUMENTS THAT

    檢察官不得接觸到任何文件,這些文件包括

  • MIGHT GET HIM IN LEGAL TROUBLE.

    可能會讓他陷入法律糾紛。

  • SO... ANY DOCUMENTS.

    所以... 任何文件。

  • BUT TODAY, THE HIGH COURT RULED THAT HE HAD TO HAND OVER HIS

    但今天,高等法院裁定他必須交出他的。

  • FINANCIAL HISTORY TO THE MANHATTAN D.A., WHO'S BEEN

    曼哈頓地檢署的財務歷史,誰是?

  • CONDUCTING A CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION THAT COULD LEAD TO

    進行刑事調查,可能會導致:

  • CONSPIRACY FRAUD CHARGES, WHICH ARE B FELONIES.

    陰謀詐騙罪,屬於B級重罪。

  • GOOD.

    好的。

  • 'CAUSE HE "B" A FELON.

    因為他是個罪犯。

  • GIVEN THE POTENTIAL CHARGES, THE FORMER PRESIDENT COULD BE SENT

    如果有可能的指控,前總統可能會被判刑。

  • TO JAIL IF CONVICTED.

    如果被定罪,將被關進監獄。

  • I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT ALL PLAY OUT IN THE NEW NETFLIX SERIES

    我迫不及待地想在新的NETFLIX系列中看到這一切。

  • "ORANGE IS THE NEW ORANGE."

    "橙色是新的橙色。"

  • NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE EXACT CHARGES RELATED TO THE FAMILY

    沒有人知道與該家庭有關的具體指控是什麼。

  • BUSINESS ARE YET, BUT THEY COULD IMPLICATE COMPANY EXECUTIVES DON

    業務是有的,但他們可以暗示公司的執行人員不。

  • JR. AND ERIC.

    JR.和ERIC。

  • (AS ERIC) "DAD!

    爸爸!

  • THE JUDGE SAYS WE GET TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER!

    法官說,我們要有一個睡衣!

  • FOR 10 YEARS!

    10年了!

  • I CALL TOP BUNK!

    我叫上鋪!

  • I'M GONNA MAKE TOILET HOOCH!" IT'S OKAY IF YOU HAVE TO SHIV

    "我要去做菜單了!"沒關係,如果你必須SHIV。

  • ME.

    我。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) IN RESPONSE, THE FORMER

    前任行政長官在回應時表示

  • PRESIDENT CALLED IT A "FISHING EXPEDITION."

    主席稱其為 "捕魚探險"。

  • (AS ERIC) "DAD, WE'RE GOING FISHING, TOO!

    (作為埃裡克)"爸爸,我們要去釣魚,太!

  • JUST LIKE IN THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW!"

    就像在安迪-格里菲斯節目中一樣!"

  • (WHISTLES BADLY) I THINK I'M DOING MYSELF

    我想我是在自討苦吃。

  • PERIODONTAL DAMAGE WHEN I DO THAT

    當我這樣做的時候,牙周損傷。

  • WHEN ASKED WHETHER THIS WAS A SO-CALLED FISHING EXPEDITION,

    當被問及這是否是一次所謂的捕魚探險時,

  • THE MANHATTAN D.A. RESPONDED: >> YOU'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER

    曼哈頓地方檢察官迴應:>> 你需要一個更大的...

  • BOAT.

    船:

  • >> STEPHEN: THINGS CONTINUE TO BE ROUGH DOWN IN TEXAS.

    >> 德州的情況仍然很糟糕。

  • LAST WEEK, THE LONE STAR STATE WAS HIT BY A FREAK WINTER STORM

    上週,孤星州遭受了一場可怕的冬季風暴襲擊

  • THAT KNOCKED OUT POWER.

    這敲掉了電源。

  • MILLIONS OF TEXANS ARE STILL WITHOUT RUNNING WATER, AND THERE

    數百萬德克薩斯人仍然沒有自來水,而且還有

  • ARE FOOD SHORTAGES ACROSS THE STATE.

    是食品短缺全州。

  • IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO HELP, AND I KNOW YOU ARE, WE HAVE SOME

    如果你想尋求幫助,我知道你是,我們有一些。

  • SUGGESTED CHARITIES YOU CAN DONATE TO.

    建議您可以捐助的慈善機構。

  • JUST HEAD OVER TO COLBERTLATESHOW.COM

    請前往COLBERTLATESHOW.COM。

  • /TEXAS.

    /TEXAS:

  • AND PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY.

    請慷慨解囊。

  • NOW, THIS MIGHT SHOCK YOU, BUT THERE ARE STATES BESIDES TEXAS

    現在,這可能會讓你感到震驚,但是除了德州之外,還有一些州。

  • THAT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE PHENOMENON OF WINTER.

    必須處理冬季的幽靈。

  • IT'S TRUE.

    這是真的。

  • YOU CAN LOOK IT UP.

    你可以找找看。

  • SO, WHY DID THEY LOSE POWER AND WATER AND HEAT?

    那麼,為什麼他們失去了電力、水和熱能?

  • IN TEXAS, ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE DEPENDENT UPON THEIR

    在德州,所有這些事情都取決於他們的。

  • ELECTRICAL GRID, AND IN AN EFFORT TO AVOID FEDERAL

    電網,並努力避免聯邦的影響。

  • REGULATION, TEXAS IS THE ONLY STATE IN THE CONTINENTAL UNITED

    監管,德克薩斯州是美國大陸唯一的州。

  • STATES TO OPERATE ITS OWN GRID.

    國家營運自己的電網。

  • WELL, TEXANS LIKE TO HAVE THEIR OWN STUFF: GRIDS, TOASTS, AND

    好吧,德州人喜歡有自己的東西,網格,吐司,和

  • CHAINSAW MASSACRES.

    鏈鋸鋸開。

  • IN ADDITION, TEXAS IS A FAN OF EXTREME CAPITALISM, SO THEY

    此外,德州是極端資本主義的愛好者,所以他們。

  • HANDED THEIR GRID OVER TO THE INVISIBLE HAND OF THE MARKET.

    把他們的網格交給了市場這隻無形的手。

  • MEANING THAT ANYTIME THERE'S A LACK OF SUPPLY AND A HUGE

    意思是說,每當出現供應不足和巨大的

  • DEMAND, PRICES SKYROCKET.

    需求,價格暴漲。

  • OUT OF CONTROL.

    失控。

  • SO, LAST WEEK, IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS ARCTIC BLAST, ELECTRICITY

    所以,上週,在這場北極爆炸中,電力系統

  • IN TEXAS APPROACHED $9,000 PER MEGAWATT/HOUR.

    在德州,每兆瓦/小時接近9,000美元。

  • WHICH IS AN INCREASE OF 180 TIMES THE AVERAGE RATE BEFORE

    這比之前的平均速度增加了180倍。

  • THE STORM.

    風暴。

  • ONE MAN WAS STUCK WITH A $16,752 ELECTRIC BILL.

    有一個人被16752美元的電費纏住了。

  • TO WHICH AMERICA'S FATHERS REPLIED, "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS

    美國的父親們回答說:"這就是發生的事情。

  • WHEN YOU PUSH THE THERMOSTAT ABOVE 66!

    當你把溫度調節器推到66以上的時候!

  • I'M PUTTING SOME TAPE ON IT!

    我正在給它錄影!

  • I'M TAPING IT DOWN!

    我要把它錄下來!

  • WE'RE NOT HEATING THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!

    我們沒有給整個社區供暖!

  • SO, CLEARLY, THE SYSTEM IS VERY BAD FOR THE PEOPLE, BUT VERY

    所以,很明顯,這個系統對人民非常不利,但也非常重要。

  • GOOD FOR THE ENERGY COMPANIES, SOME OF WHICH EARNED MORE PROFIT

    對能源公司有利,其中一些公司獲得了更多的利潤。

  • ON MONDAY AND TUESDAY ALONE THAN THEY WOULD HAVE GAINED

    單單在週一和週二,就比他們本應獲得的收益多出一倍

  • THROUGH AN ENTIRE YEAR OF NORMAL OPERATION.

    通過一整年的正常運行。

  • AS ONE ENERGY COMPANY SPOKESMAN EXPLAINED, "GOLD!

    正如一家能源公司的發言人所解釋的那樣,"黃金!"。

  • GOLD!

    金!

  • I'M RICH, I TELL YOU.

    我很有錢,我告訴你。

  • GOLD!" SO, IT'S NO WONDER TEXAS POWER

    金子!"所以,這並不奇怪,德州電力公司。

  • COMPANIES DID NOT PREPARE FOR THIS DISASTER, EVEN THOUGH

    公司沒有為這場災難做好準備,即使是

  • BACK IN 2011, FEDERAL REGULATORS WARNED TEXAS THAT ITS POWER

    早在2011年,聯邦監管機構就警告德克薩斯州,我的權力。

  • PLANTS COULDN'T BE COUNTED ON TO RELIABLY CHURN OUT ELECTRICITY

    電廠無法可靠地提供電力。

  • IN BITTERLY COLD CONDITIONS.

    在嚴寒的條件下。

  • BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, "THOSE WHO FAIL TO LEARN FROM

    但你知道他們說什麼嗎,"那些不學無術的人...

  • HISTORY WERE PROBABLY EDUCATED IN TEXAS."

    歷史上的人可能是在德克薩斯接受教育的。"

  • THAT WARNING CAME FROM THE FEDERAL ENERGY REGULATORY

    該警告來自聯邦能源監管局。

  • COMMISSION OR "FERC."

    委員會或 "FERC"。

  • NO ONE LISTENED, AND NOW, "ERMEGERD.

    沒有人聽,現在,"ERMEGERD。

  • TEXAS IS FERC'D."

    德州是FERC'D。"

  • THE GUY IN CHARGE OF THE LONE STAR STATE BACK THEN WAS FORMER

    當年負責龍星州的人是前總統。

  • TEXAS GOVERNOR AND MAN WONDERING WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SUN AT

    德州州長和男子想知道太陽在哪裡?

  • NIGHT, RICK PERRY.

    晚安,RICK PERRY

  • LAST WEEK, PERRY DEFENDED HIS STATE'S LUDICROUS ENERGY SETUP,

    上週,佩裡為他的州的奢侈能源設置辯護。

  • SAYING, "TEXANS WOULD BE WITHOUT ELECTRICITY FOR LONGER THAN

    說,"德州人將會在更長的時間內沒有電力。

  • THREE DAYS TO KEEP THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OUT OF THEIR

    三天時間,讓聯邦政府不要插手他們的事情。

  • BUSINESS."

    業務。"

  • THAT STATEMENT WAS SO DUMB, RICK PERRY IMMEDIATELY TRIED TO MAKE

    該聲明是如此愚蠢,裡克-佩裡立即試圖讓

  • HIMSELF SEEM SMARTER BY WEARING A SECOND PAIR OF GLASSES.

    戴上第二副眼鏡讓自己看起來更聰明。

  • OF COURSE, THERE'S ONE GUY IN TEXAS GIVING RICK PERRY A RUN

    當然,在德州有一個人在給裡克-派瑞打下手。

  • FOR HIS DUMMY: SENATOR AND MAN WHOSE FACE WAS SEIZED BY AN

    為他的愚蠢:參議員和臉部被查封的男人。

  • ANGRY MOB, THEN TARRED AND PUBED, TED CRUZ.

    憤怒的暴徒,然後撕毀並公佈,TED CRUZ。

  • AT THE HEIGHT OF THE CRISIS LAST WEEK, FOLKS ON SOCIAL MEDIA

    在上週危機最嚴重的時候,社交媒體上的人們。

  • SPOTTED TED CRUZ BOARDING A FLIGHT TO CANCUN.

    發現泰德-克魯茲登上了飛往坎昆的班機。

  • 'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, "WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, TED

    "因為你知道他們說什麼,"當困難的時候,TED。

  • CRUZ GETS GONE."

    克魯茲走了。"

  • THE SENATOR GOT A LOT OF CRITICISM, SO HE IMMEDIATELY

    參議員受到了很多責備,所以他馬上就...

  • SWALLOWED HIS PRIDE, PULLED HIMSELF UP BY HIS OWN

    打消了他的自尊心,靠自己的力量把自己拉了起來

  • BOOTSTRAPS, AND THREW HIS DAUGHTERS UNDER A BUS:

    靴帶,並把他的女兒扔到巴士下面。

  • "WITH SCHOOL CANCELED FOR THE WEEK, OUR GIRLS ASKED TO TAKE A

    "由於本週學校取消了,我們的女孩們要求請假。

  • TRIP WITH FRIENDS.

    與朋友一起旅行。

  • WANTING TO BE A GOOD DAD, I FLEW DOWN WITH THEM LAST NIGHT AND AM

    我想做個好爸爸,昨晚和他們一起飛了下來,現在...

  • FLYING BACK THIS AFTERNOON."

    今天晚上飛回來。"

  • SEE?

    看到了嗎?

  • HE WAS JUST BEING A GOOD DAD.

    他只是在做一個好爸爸。

  • UNLIKE ALL THOSE TERRIBLE FATHERS WHO WERE HUDDLING WITH

    不像所有那些可怕的父親誰是哈多德與。

  • THEIR KIDS FOR WARMTH.

    他們的孩子的溫暖。

  • REMINDS ME OF F.D.R.'S FAMOUS SPEECH:

    讓我想起了F. D. R. 的著名演講。

  • >> DECEMBER 7, 1941, A DAY THAT WAS MY DAUGHTER ANNA'S FAULT!

    >> 1941年12月7日,是我女兒安娜的錯的一天!

  • COME ON, HONEY, WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME THE JAPANESE WERE

    來吧,親愛的,你為什麼不警告我日本人是。

  • COMING?!

    來了?

  • YOU'RE GROUNDED!

    你被禁足了!

  • >> STEPHEN: TURNS OUT, IT WASN'T ONLY COWARDLY, IT WAS A LIE.

    >> 事實證明,這不僅是懦弱,更是謊言。

  • BECAUSE ACCORDING TO A LEAK FROM UNITED AIRLINES, CRUZ WAS

    因為根據聯合航空公司的消息,克魯茲是:

  • INITIALLY BOOKED TO RETURN HOME SATURDAY AND HE BOOKED HIS

    最初預訂週六回家,他預訂了他的。

  • RETURN TICKET AT 6:00 A.M.

    早上6:00退票。

  • THURSDAY.

    週四:

  • OH, THAT'S EMBARRASSING.

    哦,這是令人尷尬的。

  • PLUS, HE WAS IN COACH, SO THEY CHARGED HIM $25 TO CHECK HIS

    而且,他是在教練,所以他們收取他25美元檢查他的。

  • DOUCHE-BAG.

    DOUCHE-BAG。

  • AS PART OF THE FALLOUT, UNITED IS INVESTIGATING THE FLIGHT INFO

    作為後果的一部分,聯合體正在調查飛行資訊。

  • LEAK.

    洩漏。

  • THAT'S GOING TO BE TRICKY.

    這將是棘手的。

  • "OKAY, WHO WOULD HAVE LEAKED THIS?

    "好吧,誰會洩露這個?

  • WHO HATES TED CRUZ?

    誰恨TED CRUZ?

  • OKAY, IS THERE ANY WAY TO NARROW THAT DOWN?"

    好吧,有沒有什麼辦法把它縮小?"

  • AFTER TED FLEW BACK TO TEXAS, HE DECIDED TO FESS UP TO THE

    特德回到德克薩斯後,他決定承認自己的身份。

  • REPORTERS: >> I STARTED HAVING SECOND

    REPORTERS:>>我開始有第二次世界大戰了

  • THOUGHTS ALMOST THE MOMENT I SAT DOWN ON THE PLANE.

    我坐在飛機上的那一刻起,就在想。

  • LEAVING WHEN SO MANY TEXANS WERE HURTING DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT, SO I

    離開時,這麼多的德州人受到傷害不覺得是對的,所以我。

  • CHANGED MY RETURN FLIGHT AND FLEW BACK ON THE FIRST AVAILABLE

    改變了我的回程班機,並飛回了第一個可用的。

  • FLIGHT I COULD TAKE.

    我可以採取的飛行。

  • >> STEPHEN: TOO LATE, YOU ALREADY DID THE BAD THING, AND

    >> 太晚了,你已經做了壞事,而且... ...

  • WE KNOW YOU LIED ABOUT IT!

    我們知道你撒謊了!

  • IT'S LIKE AN OLD TIMEY VILLAIN GOING, "YOU KNOW, TYING THAT

    這就像一箇舊時代的惡棍走,"你知道,打的是

  • DAMSEL TO THE TRAIN TRACKS JUST DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT.

    DAMSEL到火車軌道只是沒有感覺到權利。

  • SO I TOOK THE FIRST TRAIN BACK AFTER THE ACCIDENT SO I COULD BE

    所以我在事故發生後坐了第一班火車回來,所以我可以... ...

  • HERE FOR THE GRIEVING FAMILY.

    在這裡為GRIEVING家庭。