字幕列表 影片播放
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-Welcome back, everybody.
-歡迎回來,各位。
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I'm about to show you some books
我給你看幾本書
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that you should avoid at all costs.
你應該不惜一切代價避免的。
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It's time for my latest installment
現在是我的最新一期節目
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of my Do Not Read List. Here we go.
我的 "不讀名單"。我們開始吧
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♪ Do not read, do not read ♪
不讀,不讀
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♪ Do not read these books, these books ♪
不要讀這些書,這些書
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-And before we start, I just want you all to know
-在我們開始之前,我只想讓大家知道
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that every book that I'm about to show you is 100% real.
我給你看的每本書都是100%真實的。
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These are actual books. You can find them on Amazon
這些都是真正的書。你可以在亞馬遜上找到它們
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or wherever you get your books from.
或者你從哪裡得到你的書。
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These are real.
這些都是真的。
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Let's see what's on my Do Not Read list.
讓我們看看我的 "不讀名單 "上有什麼。
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This first one up here is a book called
這上面第一個是一本書,叫
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"Computer Programs for the Kitchen"...
"廚房電腦程序"... ...
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[ Laughter ] by Terence F. Dicker.
[笑聲]由Terence F. Dicker撰寫。
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There's -- There's Terence Dicker.
那是... 那是Terence Dicker.
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He's got his computer out on the table
他把他的電腦放在桌子上
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next to all the food he made.
旁邊所有的食物,他做。
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You can barely tell the computer's out there.
你幾乎看不出電腦的存在。
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I get -- I get hangry just looking at it.
我... 我光是看著它就覺得噁心。
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Let's -- Oh, look at the back here.
讓我們... ... 哦,看後面這裡。
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It says, "Exciting ways to ease
它說:"令人激動的方式來緩解
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kitchen and cooking chores with a personal computer."
廚房和做飯的家務活,用個人電腦。"
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Let's see an example.
我們來看一個例子。
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Oh, here's one right here.
哦,這裡有一個就在這裡。
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Keeping track of your kitchen inventory
跟蹤您的廚房庫存
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by hand-typing a 26-page computer program...
通過手打26頁的電腦程序... ...
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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...that has probably almost 4,000 lines of code.
...大概有近4000行代碼。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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So that will save me a ton of time.
所以,這將節省我大量的時間。
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That's pretty cool.
這是非常酷的。
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Thanks. Thanks, Chef Dicker.
謝謝,謝謝,迪克大廚謝謝,迪克大廚
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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Next book... [ Applause ]
下本書...[掌聲]
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...is called, uh...
...被稱為,呃... ...
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Oh, yeah. This is a good one here.
哦,是的。這是一個很好的一個在這裡。
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This is called "The Educated Cat:
這就是所謂的 "教育貓"。
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How to Teach Your Cat to do Tricks."
如何教你的貓咪做技巧。"
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Uh, yeah.
嗯,是的。
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Like apparently playing a dueling piano
就像明顯的彈鋼琴決鬥
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at an old saloon, maybe. For cats.
在一個老酒館,也許。對於貓來說。
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Let's see what other tricks you got in here.
讓我們看看你還有什麼花樣。
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I love cat tricks, man.
我喜歡貓的把戲,夥計。
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Oh, this one's an interesting trick here.
哦,這個是一個有趣的技巧在這裡。
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It's two cats kind of crammed in a stroller.
這是兩隻貓那種擠在嬰兒車裡。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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That's interesting.
這很有趣。
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Let's see what other tricks they got here.
讓我們看看他們還有什麼花樣。
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-That was the trick? [ Laughter ]
-這就是訣竅?[笑聲]
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-Yeah, that's the trick. [ Laughter ]
-是的,這就是訣竅。[笑聲]
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Here's another trick here. This is a good one.
這裡還有一招。這是個好辦法
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It's another cat in a stroller. [ Laughter ]
這是另一個貓在嬰兒車。[笑聲]
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They put the glasses on the cat. -I see.
他們給貓戴上了眼鏡-我明白了
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-Oh, man.
-哦,夥計
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-"America's Got Talent," are you watching?
-《美國達人秀》,你在看嗎?
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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Some good tricks, man. [ Applause ]
一些好的技巧,男人。[掌聲]
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"You tricked me, man.
"你騙了我,夥計。
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I thought you had a cat in the stroller."
我以為你的嬰兒車裡有一隻貓。"
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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"I did, actually."
"其實我是這麼做的。"
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I thought it didn't have 20/20 vision.
我以為它沒有20/20的視野。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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He tricked you again.
他又騙了你。
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He's perfectly fine. [ Laughter ]
他是完美的罰款。[笑聲]
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Good. Good stuff. Let's check out another one.
好,好東西好東西。讓我們來看看另一個。
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This one's a children's book.
這本是一本兒童讀物。
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It's called "Mac's Choice:
這就是所謂的 "麥克的選擇"。
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A Story About Choices and Drug Use."
一個關於選擇和吸毒的故事。"
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There's a caterpillar and a cockroach on the cover there.
封面上有一條毛毛蟲和一隻蟑螂。
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This is cool. I saw this earlier.
這是很酷的。我剛才看到了這個。
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It's signed by the author,
這是作者的簽名。
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and gifted to a kid by an aluminum company.
並被一家鋁業公司贈送給了一個孩子。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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Makes sense.
有道理。
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Let's just go to the end here, see what happens here.
讓我們走到這裡的盡頭,看看這裡會發生什麼。
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It says, "Mac was all alone now.
上面寫著:"麥克現在只有一個人。
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He started to shake badly as his body craved more cocaine."
他開始嚴重顫抖,因為他的身體渴望更多的可卡因。"
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[ Laughter ] -Wait. What?
[笑] 等待。等等,什麼?
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-"Anyway, good night, kids." [ Laughter ]
-"無論如何,晚安,孩子們。"[笑聲] - "無論如何,晚安,孩子們。
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Turn the lights off.
把燈關掉。
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[ Laughter continues ]
[笑聲繼續]
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-Wait. -Have a good night's sleep.
-等一下 睡個好覺吧
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Next is a young adult novel. They're always popular.
下一個是青春小說。他們總是很受歡迎。
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They're always having helpful lessons about growing up, life.
他們總是有關於成長、生活的有益經驗。
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This one should help, as well.
這個應該也有幫助。
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This one is called "Mom is Dating Weird Wayne."
這個叫 "媽媽在和怪異的韋恩約會"。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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Look, we've all been there. Mom is looking for love,
你看,我們都有過這樣的經歷。媽媽正在尋找愛。
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hits the dating scene, and suddenly a dude
在約會現場,突然一個傢伙
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dressed up as Dracula starts coming over for dinner.
穿成德古拉的樣子,開始過來吃飯。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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"If you vant to, you can call me dad."
"如果你想,你可以叫我爸爸。"
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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"We're not there yet.
"我們還沒到那一步。
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We're not there yet, dad.
我們還沒到那一步,爸爸
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So I'm gonna call you Vlad."
所以我要叫你弗拉德。"
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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We're down to our last book, guys, unfortunately.
不幸的是,我們只剩下最後一本書了,夥計們。
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This is a -- Please. -Oh.
這是一個...-哦
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-Come on, man. -Anyway, look,
-來吧,夥計-好了,看吧
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there's other things we have to get to.
還有其他的事情,我們必須得到。
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There's interviews, there's a show.
有采訪,有表演。
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You know, it's a busy week, you know?
你知道,這是一個忙碌的一週,你知道嗎?
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-Okay. So we're down to our last book.
-好吧,我們只剩下最後一本書了。
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It's a how-to book.
這是一本如何操作的書。
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It's called "Two-Hour Vests," by Mary Jo Hiney.
叫做 "兩小時馬甲",作者是瑪麗-喬-希尼。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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Vests I can make in two hours?
馬甲我可以在兩個小時內做好?
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Now we're talking.
現在,我們正在談論。
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Let's see what we can make here.
讓我們看看我們能在這裡做什麼。
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There's a lot of them.
有很多人。
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We have the "Young at Heart," the "Now and Forever,"
我們有 "年輕的心","現在和永遠"。
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"Moments in Time," "Breath of Fresh Air."
"時間的瞬間","呼吸新鮮空氣"。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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Let's see that one.
讓我們看看那個。
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"Breath of Fresh Air," which is nice and breezy there.
"呼吸新鮮空氣",那裡很好,很輕快。
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Ooh, yeah, look at this.
哦,是的,看看這個。
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Yeah, that makes sense. Because when I think of
是啊,這是有道理的。因為當我想到
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"fresh air" I think of the color brown.
"新鮮的空氣 "我想到的是棕色。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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Kamal, can I get some "fresh air" music, please?
卡馬爾,能給我來點 "新鮮空氣 "音樂嗎?
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♪♪
♪♪
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Let's read this right here.
讓我們在這裡讀這個。
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"Breath of fresh air.
"呼吸到了新鮮的空氣。
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Small talk smothers you.
閒言碎語讓你窒息。
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You prefer quiet company.
你更喜歡安靜的陪伴。
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Soft and simple contemplation by the fire.
柔和而簡單的火堆旁的沉思。
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To all who love you,
致所有愛你的人。
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your serenity and ease are a breath of fresh air."
你的寧靜和自在讓人心曠神怡。"
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Yeah. "Your vest speaks softly
是啊。"你的馬甲說得很輕柔
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of the comfort that you desire."
的安慰,你想要的"。
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[ Laughter and applause ]
[笑聲和掌聲]
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So by wearing it, you're the breath of fresh air.
所以,穿上它,你就是呼吸到了新鮮空氣。
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-Ah, yeah. -You get it now?
-啊,是的-你現在明白了?
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-Yeah, yeah.
-是的,是的。
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-That's all the time we have for "Do Not Read."
-這就是我們 "不要讀 "的全部時間。
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If you have a book that you think should be on
如果你有一本書,你認為應該放在
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our next Do Not Read list, send your titles to
我們的下一個 "不讀清單",請將您的書目寄至
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donotread@tonightshow.com.
donotread@tonightshow.com。
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Stick around. We'll be right back with Shailene Woodley.
留下來吧我們馬上回來和Shailene Woodley見面。
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[ Cheers and applause ]
[歡呼聲和掌聲]
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♪♪
♪♪
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-Took two hours. Two hours -- that's it.
-花了兩個小時兩小時... 就這樣
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♪♪
♪♪