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  • >> Stephen: OH, HEY, THERE, EVERYBODY!

    >> 哦,嘿,你們好,大家好!

  • WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

    歡迎來到 "深夜秀"。

  • I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

    我是你的主播,史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

  • BRINGING YOU THE SHOW TONIGHT FROM THE DIAROMA, THAT WE'RE

    今晚為您帶來的是《日記》的節目,我們正在進行的是

  • SUBMITTING FOR OUR EIGHTH GRADE SCIENCE PROJECT.

    提交給我們的八年級科學項目。

  • I HOPE WE GOT A GOOD GRADE.

    我希望我們得到一個好成績。

  • WHEN WE FINALLY GET OUT OF THIS PANDEMIC, THERE WILL BE SOME

    當我們最終走出這個困境的時候,會有一些。

  • PHRASES I NEVER REALLY WANT TO HEAR AGAIN.

    我再也不想聽到的句子。

  • LIKE "SOCIAL DISTANCING" OR "GRIM MILESTONE" OR "ZOOM HAPPY

    如 "社會距離 "或 "嚴峻的里程碑 "或 "ZOOM HAPPY"。

  • HOUR."

    小時。"

  • IT'S EITHER ZOOM OR HAPPY.

    它既是ZOOM也是HAPPY。

  • PICK A SIDE.

    挑個邊。

  • BUT WE'RE STILL A LONG WAY FROM TUNNELING UP TO THE SUNSHINE,

    但我們離陽光的到來還有很長的路要走。

  • BECAUSE YESTERDAY, THE GLOBAL TALLY OF CONFIRMED CORONAVIRUS

    因為昨天,全球確診的冠狀病毒的總人數

  • CASES PASSED 100 MILLION, WITH ALMOST A QUARTER OCCURRING IN

    案件突破1億,其中近四分之一發生在美國。

  • THE UNITED STATES.

    美國:

  • WELL, HE DID DELIVER ON THAT "AMERICA FIRST" THING.

    他確實做到了 "美國第一 "的事情。

  • WE JUST SHOULD HAVE ASKED WHAT CATEGORY IT WAS IN.

    我們本該問它屬於什麼類別的。

  • BUT IT'S NO SURPRISE THAT WE HAVE 4%

    但這並不奇怪,我們有4%。

  • OF THE WORLD'S POPULATION AND 25% OF THE CASES BECAUSE THE

    25%的案件是因為

  • PREVIOUS DOOFUS-IN-CHIEF CALLED CONCERNS OVER THE VIRUS A HOAX,

    上一篇 笨蛋總管稱對病毒的擔憂是個騙局。

  • PROMOTED QUACK CURES, AND MOCKED PEOPLE FOR WEARING MASKS.

    推銷庸醫,並嘲笑人們戴面具。

  • IT WAS THE WORST PUBLIC HEALTH MESSAGE SINCE THE 1929s:

    這是自1929年以來最糟糕的公共衛生資訊。

  • PRESIDENT HOOVER SAYS, "DON'T BE AFRAID OF SYPHILIS, PARD'NER!

    胡佛總統說:"不要害怕西菲利斯,PARD'NER!

  • REAL COWBOYS RIDE BAREBACK."

    "真正的牛仔騎著赤膊上陣。"

  • HOOVER, FAR MORE SEX-POSITIVE THAN I REMEMBER!

    胡佛,遠比我記憶中的性積極!

  • BUT THERE'S A NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN, AND I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON

    但鎮上來了個新警長,我會趕上你的。

  • HIS PLANS IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF "CATCH A THIRD WAVE:

    他的計劃在今晚的 "捕捉第三波"。

  • ENDLESS BUMMER."

    無盡的繁華。"

  • DON'T WEAR YOUR MASKDON'T WASH YOUR HANDS

    勿戴口罩 勿洗手

  • DON'T AWARE YOUR MASK DON'T WASH YOUR HANDS

    不知道你的面具不洗你的手。

  • DON'T WEAR YOUR MASKDON'T WASH YOUR HANDS

    勿戴口罩 勿洗手

  • DON'T WEAR YOUR MASK.

    不要穿你的面具。

  • NAILED IT!

    搞定了!

  • JUST CALL ME COVID VAN BEETHOVEN.

    叫我科維德-範-貝特霍文就好了。

  • WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

    哇哦,哇哦,哇哦!

  • WHY DID YOU GET THAT THING?

    你為什麼會得到那個東西?

  • IS THAT A CATAPULT?

    那是導火索嗎?

  • >> Stephen: YES.

    >> 史蒂芬:是的。

  • >> OKAY, OKAY!

    >> OKAY,OKAY!

  • ( LAUGHTER ).

    (笑):

  • >> Stephen: I WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH OF TONIGHT'S BUDGET WENT

    >> 史蒂芬:我想知道今晚的預算用了多少?

  • INTO CONSTRUCTING THIS CATAPULT AND THEM SEND THAT MAN A BOX OF

    在建造這架降落傘的時候,他們給那個人送了一箱的 "小禮物"。

  • STEAKS.

    STEAKS:

  • YESTERDAY, PRESIDENT BIDEN ANNOUNCED A DRAMATIC CHANGE TO

    昨天,比登總統宣佈了一個重大的變化,即:"我們的目標是:讓我們的生活更美好。

  • AMERICA'S COVID PLAN: THERE IS ONE.

    美國的COVID計劃。有一個。

  • THE MOST EXCITING NEWS: THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IS BUYING

    最令人振奮的消息:聯邦政府正在買入...

  • ENOUGH ADDITIONAL DOSES TO VACCINATE 300 MILLION AMERICANS

    足夠的額外劑量為3億美國人接種疫苗。

  • BY THE END OF THE SUMMER.

    暑期結束前。

  • SO NEXT HALLOWEEN, THE HOT COSTUME IS GOING TO BE SEXY

    所以明年的萬聖節,熱辣的服裝將是性感的。

  • NORMAL PEOPLE SAYING HELLO.

    正常的人說你好。

  • THEY'RE SEXY, BECAUSE THEY CAN SHAKE HANDS.

    他們是性感的,因為他們可以握手。

  • BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.

    但這還不是全部。

  • BIDEN ALSO PROMISED STATES THAT THE TOTAL AMOUNT OF VACCINE

    BIDEN還承諾說,疫苗的總金額為:

  • THEY'RE GETTING WILL RISE FROM 8.6 MILLION TO AT LEAST 10

    他們得到的將從860萬上升到至少1000萬。

  • MILLION A WEEK STARTING NEXT WEEK.

    從下週開始,每週一百萬元。

  • THAT MEANS FEBRUARY 2nd, NEXT WEEK, GROUNDHOG'S DAY,

    這意味著下週2月2日,土撥鼠節。

  • PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL WILL COME OUT OF HIS BURROW AND GET

    PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL將走出他的洞穴,並得到。

  • VACCINATED!

    接種了!

  • NOW HE CAN BE WITHIN SIX FEET OF HIS SHADOW.

    現在,他可以在他的影子的六英尺範圍內。

  • GETTING MORE VACCINES IS GREAT, BUT WE REALLY NEED TO RE-EXAMINE

    獲得更多的疫苗是很好的,但我們真的需要重新檢查。

  • THE WAY WE GIVE THEM OUT, ESPECIALLY IN PHILADELPHIA,

    我們給它們的方式,特別是在菲利普斯。

  • WHERE THEY MADE THE OOPS-A-DAISY OF LETTING COLLEGE KIDS

    他們在哪裡做了錯誤的A-DISY讓大學的孩子們

  • DISTRIBUTE VACCINES, AND THE RESULT WAS A DISASTER.

    分發疫苗,結果是一場災難。

  • WELL, YEAH!

    嗯,是的!

  • THE ONLY THING COLLEGE KIDS ARE GOOD AT DISTRIBUTING ARE

    大學裡的孩子們唯一擅長分配的東西就是

  • ULTIMATE FRISBEE SIGN-UP SHEETS AND H.P.V.

    超級FRISBEE簽到表和H.P.V.

  • APPARENTLY, THE CITY CONTRACTED OUT THEIR VACCINE OVERSIGHT TO A

    市政府似乎將疫苗監督工作外包給了一家公司。

  • STARTUP CALLED "PHILLY FIGHTING COVID," RUN BY A 22-YEAR-OLD

    被稱為 "PHILLY FIGHTING COVID "的創業公司,由一個22歲的年輕人經營。

  • C.E.O., WHOSE RESUME INCLUDED TEACHING A HIGH SCHOOL FILM

    行政長官,履歷中包括教授高中電影課。

  • CLASS, PRODUCING VIDEOS OF PEOPLE LONGBOARDING, AND

    類,製作視頻的人龍舟,和。

  • PRACTICING PARKOUR.

    練習跑步。

  • SO HE'S NOT QUALIFIED TO MANAGE HEALTHCARE, BUT HE IS QUALIFIED

    所以,他沒有資格管理衛生保健,但他有資格。

  • TO DATE YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND.

    和你的前女友約會。

  • NO SURPRISE THINGS DID NOT GO SO WELL.

    不出所料,事情沒有那麼順利。

  • LOCAL SENIORS WERE LEFT IN TEARS AFTER FINDING THAT APPOINTMENTS

    當地老人發現預約後,淚流滿面。

  • THEY'D MADE WOULDN'T BE HONORED.

    他們做了不會受到尊敬的。

  • NOW, THIS MIGHT AFFECT THESE KIDS' CAREER PROSPECTS.

    現在,這可能會影響這些孩子的職業前景。

  • ( AS INTERVIEWER ) "I SEE UNDER 'RECENT

    (作為採訪者)"我看到在'最近的'下。

  • EXPERIENCE,' IT SAYS 'COMPLETE AND MAKING THE ELDERLY CRY.

    經驗,"它說 "完成和使老年人哭泣。

  • WELCOME TO FACEBOOK!" THAT WASN'T THE ONLY PROBLEM.

    歡迎來到FACEBOOK!"這不是唯一的問題。

  • WHILE THEY WERE WORKING ON VACCINE SIGN-UPS, THE GROUP

    當他們在進行疫苗簽收工作時,該集團也在進行疫苗簽收工作。

  • SWITCHED TO A FOR-PROFIT MODEL AND ADDED A PRIVACY POLICY,

    轉為盈利模式並增加了隱私政策。

  • ALLOWING IT TO SELL USERS' PERSONAL DATA.

    允許它出售用戶的個人資料。

  • OKAY, BUT THEIR USE IRS ARE ALMOST ALL ELDERLY!

    好吧,但他們的使用國稅局幾乎都是老年人!

  • WHO'S LOOKING BUY THAT USER DATA, BIG BUTTERSCOTCH?

    誰在找買那個用戶數據,大巴特斯奇?

  • ARMCHAIR NAPS UNLIMITED?

    ARMCHAIR NAPS UNLIMITED?

  • THE SHADOWY GLOBAL CARTEL THAT CONTROLS WALK-IN BATHTUBS?

    控制步入式浴缸的全球暗盒?

  • I WANT A WALK-IN BATH TUB, THE BY THE WAY.

    我想要一個步入式浴缸,順便說一下。

  • THOSE LOOK AWESOME.

    這些都是真棒。

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

    你知道我的意思嗎?

  • DEEP ENOUGH TO DROWN IN.

    足夠深的地方,滴水不漏。

  • NOT ONLY WAS THIS STARTUP A MAJOR DISASTER, THE C.E.O. SUCKS

    不僅是這個創業公司是一個重大的災難,C.E.O.吮吸。

  • MAJOR, BECAUSE, REPORTEDLY, HE PERSONALLY POCKETED VACCINE

    主要的,因為,據說,他個人把疫苗藏起來了。

  • DOSES.

    劑量:

  • NOW, WE ALL KNOW THEY NEED TO BE KEPT AT 90 BELOW ZERO.

    現在,我們都知道他們需要保持在零下90度。

  • BUT I'M SURE THEY WERE SAFELY TRANSPORTED BETWEEN TWO ICE-COLD

    但我確定他們被安全地運到了兩個冰冷的地方。

  • NATTY LIGHTS.

    NATTY LIGHTS。

  • NOW, FOLKS, WE'VE GOT A NEW PRESIDENT, AND ONE OF HIS

    現在,夥計們,我們已經有了一個新的主席,和他的其中一個

  • BIGGEST JOBS IS CLEANING UP THE LAST ONE'S MESSES.

    最大的工作是清理最後一個人的錯誤。

  • SO YESTERDAY, BIDEN HAD HIS FIRST PHONE CALL WITH RUSSIAN

    所以,今天,比登與俄羅斯人打了第一通電話。

  • PRESIDENT AND SPELLING BEE MODERATOR WARNING THE

    主席和拼寫蜜蜂調製器警告

  • CONTESTANTS THAT ALL THE WORDS WILL BE "POLONIUM," VLADIMIR

    參賽者,所有的單詞將是 "波洛尼姆",弗拉基米爾。

  • PUTIN.

    普京:

  • REPORTEDLY, BIDEN TOOK PUTIN TO TASK ON THE KREMLIN'S EFFORT TO

    據報道,比登向普京提出了關於克雷姆林的努力的問題。

  • INTERFERE IN U.S. ELECTIONS AND REPORTS THAT RUSSIA OFFERED

    干預美國選舉和俄羅斯提供的報道。

  • BOUNTIES IN AFGHANISTAN TO KILL AMERICAN SOLDIERS.

    在阿富汗殺美國士兵的土匪。

  • WOW!

    哇!

  • THAT-- THAT IS GOOD TO HEAR.

    那... ... 那是很好聽的。

  • I WONDER IF THERE'S A NAME FOR THAT KIND OF CONVERSATION WITH A

    我想知道是否有一個名字來形容這種與人對話的方式。

  • RUSSIAN LEADER: >> PERFECT PHONE CALL.

    俄國領導人:>>完美的電話。

  • >> Stephen: THANK YOU, CITIZEN.

    >> 史蒂芬:謝謝你,公民。

  • NOW, BIDEN TALKING TO PUTIN IS HUGE NEWS IN MANY WAYS, THE

    現在,比登與普京談話是一個重大的新聞,在許多方面,該。

  • BIGGEST OF WHICH IS WE KNOW ABOUT IT!

    最重要的是我們知道它!

  • THE LAST PRESIDENT HID THE CONTENTS OF EVERY INTERACTION HE

    上一任總統隱瞞了他的每一次談話內容

  • HAD WITH PUTIN, AND ONCE SAID "WHAT HAPPENS IN HIS PUTIN

    與普京相處,曾經說過 "在他的普京身上發生了什麼"。

  • MEETINGS WAS 'NONE OF OUR BUSINESS,' HE TOOK POSSESSION OF

    會議是'不關我們的事',他佔有了。

  • THE NOTES OF HIS OWN INTERPRETER AND INSTRUCTED THE LINGUIST NOT

    他自己的口譯員的筆記,並訓示林格夫不。

  • TO DISCUSS WHAT HAD TRANSPIRED," AND EVEN "DESTROYED THE

    討論發生了什麼變化,"甚至 "摧毀了"。

  • TRANSLATORS' NOTES AFTERWARDS."

    譯者注:"譯者注:"譯者注:"

  • NOTHING SUSPICIOUS ABOUT THAT!

    這一點都不可疑!

  • IT'S JUST LIKE A HUSBAND SAYING, "HONEY, MY CORPORATE RETREAT WAS

    就像一個丈夫說:"親愛的,我的企業度假是... ...

  • GREAT AND NOTHING HAPPENED WITH MY ASSISTANT JENNIFER.

    偉大的,沒有發生什麼事 與我的助手珍妮弗。

  • NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I DEACTIVATE MY INSTAGRAM, CHANGE

    現在,如果你能原諒我,我刪除我的INSTAGRAM,改變。

  • MY NAME, AND GET A SHOT OF PENICILLIN."

    我的名字,並得到一個鏡頭的penicillin。"

  • JOE BIDEN IS TAKING AMERICAN FOREIGN POLICY BACK TO WHAT I

    喬伊-比登將美國的外交政策帶回我的時代。

  • CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS "AMERICAN" FOREIGN POLICY.

    只能說是 "美國 "的外交政策。

  • AND I'LL TELL YOU MORE IN MY NEW SEGMENT, RETURNING TO...

    我會在我的新欄目中告訴你更多,回到... ...

  • >> NORMS!

    >> 諾姆斯!

  • >> Stephen: NOW, YOU MIGHT BE SAYING: THAT RIGHT THERE,

    >> 現在,你可能會說,你可能會說。就在那裡。

  • "THAT'S NORM FROM 'CHEERS,' BUT WHO'S THE OTHER GUY?"

    "這是NORM從'歡呼',但誰是其他的傢伙?"

  • THAT'S NORM WINER, THE FATHER OF BECCA WINER, ONE OF OUR WRITERS'

    那是諾姆-維納,貝卡-維納的父親,我們的作家之一。

  • ASSISTANTS.

    助理:

  • IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT THAT, FOR "NORMS," ONE OF THE NORMS BE A

    非常重要的是,對於 "NORMS "來說,其中一個NORMS是一個。

  • NORMAL NORM.

    正常情況下,正常情況下。

  • NOW, IN THEIR CALL-- DID I EXPLAIN THAT?

    現在,在他們的電話裡... ... 我解釋過了嗎?

  • OKAY, GOOD.

    好的,好的。

  • IN THEIR CALL, BIDEN ALSO TOOK PUTIN TO TASK FOR THE COMPUTER

    在他們的通話中,比登還帶著普京去找電腦。

  • HACK OF OUR GOVERNMENT, AND PUTIN'S TREATMENT OF RUSSIAN

    我們政府的黑客,以及普京對俄羅斯人的態度

  • OPPOSITION LEADER AND GUY WHO JUST GOT DUMPED AT A TURTLENECK

    反對派領袖和剛剛在高領毛衣上被甩掉的人。

  • FASHION SHOW, ALEXEI NAVALNY.

    時尚秀,ALEXEI NAVALNY。

  • NAVALNY WAS POISONED, WHICH MANY SUSPECT WAS AN ASSASSINATION

    海軍被毒害,其中許多人懷疑是暗殺。

  • ATTEMPT ORDERED BY THE KREMLIN.

    克里姆林法庭下令進攻。

  • YES, THEY SUSPECT A GUY FAMOUS FOR KILLING POLITICAL OPPONENTS

    是的,他們懷疑一個因殺害政治對手而聞名的傢伙。

  • OF TRYING TO KILL HIS POLITICAL OPPONENT.

    試圖殺死他的政治對手。

  • IT'S PART OF THE NEW RUSSIAN EDITION OF THE CLASSIC BOARD

    這是《經典棋盤》新俄文版的一部分。

  • GAME, "CLUE: PUTIN DID IT."

    遊戲,"線索:普京做到了。"

  • HERE'S HOW THEY DID IT.

    他們是如何做到的。

  • REPORTEDLY, PUTIN'S ASSASSINS PLANTED A LETHAL NERVE AGENT IN

    據報道,普京的刺客在他的體內安放了一個致命的神經毒劑。

  • NAVALNY'S UNDERPANTS.

    海軍陸戰隊的內褲。

  • THEY TRIED TO KILL HIM WITH HIS TIGHTY WHITIES!

    他們想用他的緊身白襯衫殺了他!

  • THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR WEARING "FRUIT OF THE TOMB."

    這就是你穿上 "墳墓的果實 "的後果。

  • NAVALNY RETURNED TO RUSSIA AND WAS MMEDIATELY JAILED, BUT THAT

    海軍返回俄羅斯後被關進了監獄,但那是

  • HAS NOT SILENCED HIM.

    沒有讓他沉默。

  • RIGHT AFTER HIS ARREST, NAVALNY DROPPED A VIDEO ENTITLED

    在他被捕後不久,海軍就發佈了一段視頻,題為

  • "PUTIN'S PALACE," TYING PUTIN'S CORRUPTION TO HIS $1.3 BILLION

    "普京的宮殿",將普京的腐敗歸結為他的13億美元

  • PALACE.

    宮殿:

  • NOW, IT SOUNDS BAD FOR A GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL TO HAVE THAT

    現在,一個政府官員有這樣的想法聽起來很糟糕。

  • KIND OF CASH, BUT REMEMBER, PUTIN SAVES A LOT OF MONEY ON

    現金,但請記住,普京節省了大量的錢在

  • SHIRTS.

    襯衫:

  • THE VIDEO GOT ALMOST 100 MILLION YOUTUBE VIEWS IN THE FIRST WEEK.

    這部視頻在第一週就獲得了1億多YOUTUBE的觀看量。

  • AND IT SHOWS OVER-THE-TOP FEATURES LIKE THIS SPLENDIFEROUS

    它展示了超乎尋常的功能,如這個奢侈的。

  • THEATER WITH SPLIT-LEVEL VELVET BANQUETTE BOX SEATS.

    劇院配有分層絨布宴會廳座椅。

  • THAT WOULD BE A TOUGH ROOM TO PLAY.

    這將是一個艱難的遊戲空間。

  • "HEY, DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE PRESIDENT WHO WAS SO GREAT

    "嘿,你聽說過那個偉大的總統的故事嗎?

  • THAT EVERYONE LOVED HIM?

    大家都愛他嗎?

  • THAT'S MY TIME.

    這是我的時間。

  • PLEASE, TIP YOUR WAITER, AND THEN HUNT HIM FOR SPORT IN THE

    請給你的服務員小費,然後再去找他打球。

  • MORNING.

    早晨。

  • IT'S CROSSBOWS."

    它的十字弓。"

  • THE COMPOUND ALSO FEATURES AN ELABORATE HOOKAH BAR WITH A

    該複合體還具有一個帶鋸齒的HOOKAH條,並有一

  • STAGE THAT HAS A RISING STRIPPER POLE, A LAVISH CASINO, AN

    舞臺上有一個上升的帶狀杆,一個豪華的卡西諾,一個

  • OUTDOOR GREEK AMPHITHEATER, AND THIS GREEN MOUND THAT HOUSES AN

    室外的希臘高音喇叭,和這個綠色的小丘,容納了一個。

  • UNDERGROUND HOCKEY RINK WITH ITS OWN HELIPADS.

    地下曲棍球場,有自己的螺旋槳。

  • BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE TRAVELING FROM YOUR PRIVATE OUTDOOR GREEK

    因為你不可能從你的私人戶外希臘旅行。

  • AMPHITHEATER TO YOUR SUBTERRANEAN HOCKEY RINK VIA

    擴音器到您的地下冰球場,通過

  • HOVERCRAFT LIKE SOME ANIMAL.

    HOVERCRAFT像一些動物。

  • BUT HE IS REALLY "PUTIN" ON THE RITZ IN HIS INSANE PRIVATE

    但他真的是 "普京",在他那瘋狂的私人空間裡的RITZ上。

  • APARTMENTS, WITH A MASSIVE FOUR-POSTER CANOPY BED,

    公寓,有一個巨大的四張單人床。

  • GOLD-COFFERED CEILINGS, AND TACKY GOLD MOLDINGS AND

    鍍金天花板,和粘稠的金飾和金箔。

  • CHERUB SCULPTURES EVERYWHERE.

    到處都有小天使的雕塑。

  • YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUN?

    你知道什麼是樂趣嗎?

  • YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT HALFWAY THROUGH THAT, I JUST

    你甚至沒有注意到,半途而廢,我只是...

  • SWITCHED FROM SHOWING THE DICTATOR'S COMPOUND TO SHOWING

    從顯示口述者的化合物轉為顯示口述者的化合物。

  • OUR OLD PRESIDENT'S APARTMENT.

    我們的老總統辦公室。

  • BUT HE LIVED BY THE OLD SAYING: DECORATE FOR THE JOB YOU WANT.

    但他還是遵循著那句老話:"為你想要的工作而裝飾"。為你想要的工作而裝飾。

  • SPEAKING OF CORRUPT REGIMES, ONE FORMER ADMINISTRATION OFFICIAL

    說到腐敗的政權,一位前行政官員說

  • IS REALLY HAVING A TOUGH TIME, BECAUSE WE JUST LEARNED THAT

    是真的有一個艱難的時間,因為我們剛剛學會了。

  • MIKE PENCE IS HOMELESS.

    邁克-彭斯無家可歸。

  • OH, THAT CAN'T BE PRETTY.

    哦,那不能是漂亮的。

  • ( AS PENCE, BUSKING ) "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE

    "女士們,先生們,你們好!

  • "F" TRAIN, IT IS SHOWTIME.

    "F "列車,它是表演時間。

  • HIT IT, MOTHER.

    打它,媽媽。

  • A-5-6-7-8: OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN, PLEASE LET THESE PEOPLE

    A-5-6-7-8:我們在天上的教父,請讓這些人... ...

  • BUY ONE OF OUR CANDY BAR.

    請購買我們的糖果棒。

  • MOTHER, WORK THE POLE."

    母親,工作的電線杆。"

  • AND SCENE.

    和場景。

  • THE PROBLEM IS SINCE PENCE HAD FREE GOVERNMENT LODGING FOR THE

    問題是,自從彭斯有了免費的政府住宿後,他就開始了他的工作。

  • LAST FOUR YEARS, THE EX-VEEP DOESN'T OWN A HOUSE.

    在過去的四年裡,前VEEP沒有房子。

  • SO WHEN THE PENCES MOVED OUT OF THE VICE PRESIDENT'S RESIDENCE,

    所以,當筆者搬出副總統的住處時,

  • THEY HAD NOWHERE TO GO.

    他們無處可去。

  • THAT'S HOW ALL-IN MIKE PENCE WAS WITH HIS DELUSIONAL BOSS.

    這就是MIKE PENCE和他那虛幻的老闆之間的關係

  • HE WAS SO DEVOTED TO THE LIE THAT THEY HAD BEATEN BIDEN, THAT

    他是如此執著於謊言,他們已經被打敗了比登,以至於

  • HE MADE NO PLANS WHATSOEVER ON WHERE TO LIVE.

    他沒有任何計劃在哪裡住。

  • THAT'S LIKE THE "TITANIC" GETTING RID OF ITS LIFEBOATS TO

    這就像 "泰坦尼克號 "把救生艇扔掉一樣

  • HAVE MORE HULL SPACE TO PAINT THE WORD "UNSINKABLE!"

    有更多的空間來畫 "不沉 "這個詞!

  • BUT THEY'RE NOT OUT ON THE STREET.

    但他們不在大街上。

  • THE PENCES ARE REPORTEDLY COUCH SURFING THEIR WAY THROUGH

    據報道,PENCES是COUCH SURFING的方式通過

  • INDIANA, WHICH IS ALSO THE TITLE OF THE WORST BEACH BOYS ALBUM

    印第安納州,這也是最糟糕的海灘男孩專輯的標題。

  • EVER.

    永遠。

  • WHEN ASKED WHY HE WAS DOING THIS, PENCE HAD A SIMPLE ANSWER:

    當被問到為什麼要這麼做時,彭斯的回答很簡單。

  • >> I GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!

    >> 我無處可去了!

  • >> Stephen: HE LOOKS REALLY GOOD, LOOKS REALLY GOOD.

    >> 史蒂芬:他看起來很好,看起來很好。

  • LETTING A FRIEND CRASH ON YOUR COUCH IS NO BIG DEAL, UNTIL YOU

    讓朋友撞在你的教練席上不是什麼大事,直到你的朋友撞上你的教練席。

  • CONSIDER THAT THE PENCES STILL HAVE SECRET SERVICE PROTECTION.

    考慮到筆者仍然有祕密服務保護。

  • "THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR HOSPITALITY, STEVE, BUT, SORRY,

    "非常感謝你的招待,史蒂夫,但是,對不起。

  • BEFORE YOU ENTER THE KITCHEN, YOU WILL HAVE TO BE CAVITY

    在您進入廚房之前,您必須先做洞房。

  • SEARCHED."

    搜索。"

  • BUT FINDING A PLACE TO STAY SHOULDN'T BE THAT HARD.

    但找一個地方住應該不是那麼困難。

  • I CAN THINK OF THOUSANDS OF GUYS WHO WANT TO HANG WITH MIKE

    我可以想到成千上萬的傢伙 誰願意與邁克掛起了

  • PNCE.

    PNCE:

  • RIGHT, FELLAS?

    對吧,FELLAS?

  • >> HANG MIKE PENCE!

    >> 懸掛邁克-彭斯!

  • HANG MIKE PENCE!

    懸掛邁克-彭斯!

  • HANG MIKE PENCE!

    懸掛邁克-彭斯!

  • HANG MIKE PENCE!

    懸掛邁克-彭斯!

  • >> Stephen: CLOSE ENOUGH.

    >> 史蒂芬:足夠近了。

  • PENCE ISN'T THE ONLY PRESIDENTIAL LACKEY HAVING A

    彭斯並不是唯一一個有 "黑客 "之稱的總統。

  • BIT OF A TOUGH TIME.

    一段艱難的時期。

  • SO IS MYPILLOW FOUNDER, MIKE LINDELL, SEEN HERE

    MYPILLOW創始人MIKE LINDELL也在這裡出現了

  • INAPPROPRIATELY TOUCHING AN EMPLOYEE.

    不適當地接觸僱員;

  • LINDELL HAS SPENT THE PAST FEW MONTHS PEDDLING DEBUNKED

    林德爾在過去的幾個月裡,一直在做著被拆遷的工作。

  • CONSPIRACY THEORIES ABOUT VOTER FRAUD, URGING THE LAST

    關於選民舞弊的陰謀論,督促最後一次投票

  • ADMINISTRATION TO IMPOSE MARTIAL LAW TO REMAIN IN OFFICE, AND

    頒佈婚姻法的行政部門應繼續執政,以及

  • HAVING THE MYPILLOW SITE OFFER DISCOUNT CODES LIKE "QANON."

    有MYPILLOW網站提供的折扣代碼,如 "QANON"。

  • I GUESS LINDELL THOUGHT BETRAYING YOUR COUNTRYWOULD PAY

    我猜林德爾認為背叛你的國家會有好處吧?

  • OFF.

    關。