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自動翻譯
  • - [Jessica] "You know what?

    - [傑西卡]"你知道嗎?

  • Christopher Columbus has never been here.

    克里斯托弗-哥倫布從來沒有來過這裡。

  • I'm the first non-native to come across this land.

    我是第一個來到這片土地的非本地人。

  • And not just that..."

    不僅如此......"

  • (hums)

    (哼)

  • (dramatic orchestral music)

    (戲劇性的管絃樂)

  • - Hello.

    - 你好啊

  • My name's Brendan Walsh.

    我叫布倫丹-沃爾什。

  • And today we're going to be talking about the Santa Bandits.

    今天我們要討論的是聖誕老人大盜。

  • Our story starts in 1927

    我們的故事始於1927年

  • in the days leading up to Christmas.

    在聖誕節前的日子裡。

  • Marshall Ratliff got out of jail and he's like,

    馬歇爾-拉特利夫出獄了,他就像。

  • "I'm out of jail, time to rob another bank.

    "我出獄了,該去搶別的銀行了。

  • But I need help, so I'm gonna get this guy, Ed Helms."

    但我需要幫助,所以我要找這個人,艾德・赫爾姆斯。"

  • - [Derek] Oh, from "The Hangover."

    - 哦,"宿醉 "裡的。

  • - This guy, Henry Helms!

    - 這傢伙,亨利-赫爾姆斯!

  • "I'm gonna get Henry Helms and Robert Hill."

    "我要去找亨利-赫爾姆斯和羅伯特-希爾"

  • And they rope in Helms's brother-in-law, Lewis Davis,

    他們還把赫爾姆斯的姐夫劉易斯-戴維斯拉來了。

  • and Ratliff says, "Help us rob this bank at Cisco.

    拉特利夫說:"幫我們搶劫思科的這家銀行。

  • And Ratliff's afraid he's gonna get recognized.

    而拉特利夫害怕自己會被人認出來。

  • He goes, "I want to disguise myself.

    他說:"我想偽裝自己。

  • Hey, it's Christmas!"

    嘿,今天是聖誕節!"

  • So they steal this Buick and they arrive in Cisco

    所以他們偷了這輛別克車,然後到了思科。

  • on the morning of December 23rd.

    12月23日上午,。

  • Ratliff gets out of the car, he's dressed as Santa,

    拉特利夫下了車,他打扮成了聖誕老人。

  • and gets mobbed by kids.

    並被孩子們圍攻。

  • - You see Santa, kids are gonna come towards you.

    - 你看,聖誕老人,孩子們會向你走來。

  • - Kids want to see you!

    - 孩子們想看你!

  • You're like the Justin Beaver of the times.

    你就像這個時代的賈斯汀-比弗。

  • - Yeah.

    - 是啊。

  • - And he's a bank robber, but he's like,

    - 他是個銀行搶劫犯,但他就像。

  • "Okay, I gotta go.

    "好了,我得走了。

  • Santa's gotta make a deposit, kids."

    聖誕老人要交押金,孩子們。"

  • So after that, he goes into the bank.

    所以之後,他就進了銀行。

  • He doesn't even say anything

    他什麼都不說

  • and the tellers are like, "Santa's here!"

    和出納員都喜歡, "聖誕老人在這裡!"

  • And then Hill, Helms, Davis, all bust in

    然後,希爾,赫爾姆斯,戴維斯,全部破門而入。

  • with their guns a-blazing.

    帶著他們的槍支

  • They go, "Hey, all right, everybody shut up!

    他們說,"嘿,好了,大家都閉嘴!

  • We're robbing this place."

    我們要打劫這個地方。"

  • Santa-Ratliff gets $12,400 in cash

    Santa-Ratliff獲得12400美元的現金。

  • and $150,000 in bonds.

    和15萬美元的債券。

  • Santa's like, "Yes!"

    聖誕老人的樣子,"是的!"

  • But this lady, Mrs. Blassengame,

    但這位女士,布拉森格梅夫人。

  • goes into the bank and (beep) loses her shit.

    進入銀行和(嗶)失去了她的狗屎。

  • She's like (screams),

    她就像(尖叫聲)。

  • so she runs out screaming her head off.

    所以她跑出去尖叫她的頭。

  • (imitates screaming)

    (模仿尖叫)

  • - I love that Duncan Trussell is this woman.

    - 我喜歡鄧肯-特魯塞爾就是這個女人。

  • - Hey!

    - 嘿!

  • Terence McKenna predicted

    Terence McKenna預測

  • this bank was gonna be robbed, man!

    這家銀行會被搶劫,男人!

  • (both laughing)

    (兩個笑)

  • So then the whole town, they hear her running up and down,

    所以後來整個鎮上的人,都聽到她跑上跑下的聲音。

  • just (imitates screaming),

    只是(模仿尖叫)。

  • and at this time, the Texas Bank Association was like,

    而此時,德州銀行協會就像。

  • "Well, we're offering $5,000 for anybody

    "好吧,我們提供5000元,誰都可以得到

  • who shoots a bank robber doing a bank robbery."

    射殺正在搶劫銀行的劫匪的人。"

  • And the whole town is like, "We could use $5,000!

    整個鎮上的人都說:"我們可以用5000美元!

  • That's a lot of money back now!"

    這下子可賺回來不少錢了!"

  • So everybody grabbed their guns

    所以大家都拿起了槍

  • 'cause an angry mom's about to-

    "因為一個憤怒的媽媽的關於 -

  • Angry mom's about to form.

    憤怒的媽媽要形成了。

  • So they go into the bank while the robbery's going.

    所以他們在搶劫的時候進入銀行。

  • And then, just, everybody just starts shooting.

    然後,只是,每個人都開始拍攝。

  • (imitating gunfire)

    (模仿槍聲)

  • Customers are getting shot, a guy gets shot in the leg,

    顧客被槍擊,一個人腿部中槍。

  • so the Santa Bandits, they're like,

    所以聖誕老人大盜,他們就像。

  • "Why everybody shooting us?"

    "為什麼每個人都向我們開槍?"

  • "Get into the alley!

    "進巷子裡去!

  • 'Cause that's where the Buick is."

    '因為那是別克的地方。"

  • But everybody keeps shooting!

    但每個人都在不停地射擊!

  • A Bandit gets shot,

    一個強盜被槍殺了。

  • the bank president gets shot,

    銀行行長被槍殺。

  • everybody's going nuts.

    每個人都要瘋了。

  • All right, So the Santa Bandits,

    好吧,所以聖誕老人大盜。

  • they grab these two young girls as human shields

    他們把這兩個年輕女孩抓來當人肉盾牌。

  • to get into their Buick and get the (beep) out of there.

    進到他們的別克車裡,然後把(嗶)的一聲離開那裡。

  • So Santa's driving the car, and he looks at the gas gauge

    所以,聖誕老人開著車,看著油量表

  • and he goes, "What the-

    他說,"什麼...

  • We're (beep) almost out of gas!"

    我們(嗶)快沒油了!"

  • - [Derek] What a bunch of idiots.

    - 一群白痴!

  • - And they're like, "We drove a hundred miles

    - 他們會說,"我們開了一百英里的車

  • from Wichita falls and we didn't get gas in 1927!"

    從威奇塔瀑布來的,我們在1927年就沒有汽油了!"

  • They see this Oldsmobile and they're like,

    他們看到這輛奧茲莫比爾,他們就像。

  • "Give us your Oldsmobile," and he leaves.

    "把你的老爺車給我們。"他離開了。

  • Helms gets shot.

    赫爾姆斯被槍殺。

  • They're like, "Come on, put all the money in here

    他們會說,"來吧,把所有的錢放在這裡

  • and get Davis in there."

    並讓戴維斯在那裡。"

  • And they get in the Oldsmobile and then they realize,

    而他們上了老爺車,才發現。

  • "(beep), the keys!"

    "(嗶),鑰匙!"

  • So they're like, "Well, we can't (beep)

    所以他們會說,"好吧,我們不能(嗶嗶聲)"。

  • do anything with this."

    用這個做什麼。"

  • So then they get back into the Buick

    所以他們又回到了別克

  • and they leave Davis there, poor sap.

    他們把戴維斯丟在那裡,可憐的傢伙。

  • He's (beep).

    他是(嗶)。

  • And they're like, "Well, that sucks."

    他們會說:"好吧,那很爛。"

  • And then they're like, "Oh shit!

    然後他們就會說,"哦,該死!"。

  • We left the money in that car, too, in the Oldsmobile!"

    我們把錢也留在了那輛車上,放在了老爺車裡!"

  • And they're like- (burps)

    他們就像 - (打嗝)

  • What's it mean when you're swallowing too much?

    吞嚥過多是什麼意思?

  • - Good question. (laughs)

    - 好問題。(笑)

  • - [Brendan] So they're trying to cross the Brazos river,

    - 所以,他們試圖跨越布拉索斯河。

  • but they get ambushed and they shoot Ratliff six times.

    但他們得到埋伏,他們拍攝拉特利夫六次。

  • So Helms and Hill just give themselves up

    所以赫爾姆斯和希爾就自首了

  • and Ratliff survives.

    而拉特利夫還活著。

  • So the townsfolk are out there, they're like,

    所以鄉親們在外面,他們就像。

  • "We've had it with this guy,"

    "我們已經受夠了這個傢伙"。

  • and they put a noose around his neck.

    他們在他的脖子上套了個繩索。

  • They're like, "We're gonna publicly lynch you

    他們就像,"我們要公開私刑你

  • 'cause we've had it with your shit."

    "因為我們已經受夠了你的狗屎。"

  • And he's just like, "Hey, I got an idea.

    他就像,"嘿,我有一個想法。

  • Forgive me!"

    原諒我吧!"

  • And then they're like, "All right, nah, nah, nah."

    然後他們就會說,"好吧,不,不,不,不。"

  • And then they (beep) hang him!

    然後他們就會(嗶嗶聲)把他吊死!

  • And he's croaked.

    而他卻呱呱墜地。

  • These guys (beep) up,

    這些傢伙(嘟嘟)起來。

  • because back then, it was

    因為那時候

  • so easy to get away with crimes.

    很容易逃脫犯罪。

  • They were stupid!

    他們真傻!

  • (laughs)

    (笑)

  • - Hi, I'm Jessica Meraz,

    - 嗨,我是傑西卡-梅拉茲。

  • and today, we're gonna be talking about Juan Ponce de Leon.

    今天,我們要討論的是胡安-龐塞-德-萊昂。

  • Or as white people call him, Ponce de Leon,

    或者像白人叫他龐塞-德-萊昂。

  • Juan Ponce de Leon is a Spanish explorer.

    胡安-龐塞-德-萊昂是西班牙探險家。

  • King Ferdinand is like, "You know what, Ponce?

    費迪南德國王就說:"你知道嗎,龐塞?

  • I dig you.

    我挖你。

  • You've done a really great job,

    你做得很好

  • and in honor of your service to Spain,

    並對你為西班牙所做的貢獻表示敬意。

  • I'm gonna send you over to Puerto Rico

    我要把你送到波多黎各去

  • to be the governor."

    來當省長。"

  • So Ponce de Leon's like, "Okay, cool."

    所以龐塞-德-萊昂的樣子,"好吧,很酷。"

  • He goes to Puerto Rico and he sees the people,

    他去了波多黎各,他看到了人們。

  • he's like, "Love you, you guys are cool,"

    他的樣子,"愛你,你們是很酷,"

  • sees the the land, is like, "Oh my God, it's bountiful

    看到土地,就像 "哦,我的上帝,它是豐盛的。

  • and it's awesome!"

    而且很厲害!"

  • So... (laughs)

    所以... (笑)

  • - [Derek] It's kicking in.

    - 踢到了。

  • (laughs)

    (笑)

  • - Okay.

    - 好吧,我知道了

  • So back in Spain, (sings dramatic music)

    所以回到西班牙,(唱戲劇性的音樂)。

  • Diego Columbus is there.

    迭戈-哥倫布在那裡。

  • He's Christopher Columbus's eldest son,

    他是克里斯托弗-哥倫布的長子。

  • and he is like rich kid dickface.

    他就像有錢的孩子dickface。

  • And he's like, "You know what, King Ferdinand?

    他說:"你知道嗎,費迪南王?

  • You owe me (beep).

    你欠我的(嗶)。

  • You told my dad he's supposed to have control

    你跟我爸說過,他應該有控制權的。

  • over all the West Indies and everything that he explored."

    在整個西印度群島和他探索的一切。"

  • And the King is like, "(beep) you, my man, Ponce,

    國王就說:"(嗶)你,我的人,龐塞。

  • who is, like, a good dude is taking care of Puerto Rico.

    誰是一樣,一個好紈絝子弟 正在照顧波多黎各。

  • I don't care who your dad is,

    我不在乎你爸爸是誰。

  • but, like, shut the (beep) up."

    但是,喜歡,關閉(嗶)了。"

  • So he goes and he finds the King's cousin.

    所以他去了,他找到了國王的表哥。

  • Her name was Maria Alvarez de Toledo.

    她的名字叫瑪麗亞-阿爾瓦雷斯-德-托萊多。

  • - Can you give it to me again?

    - 你能再給我一次嗎?

  • - Maria Alvarez de Toledo.

    - Maria Alvarez de Toledo.

  • - [Derek] That's super fast.

    - 超快的速度。

  • - [Jessica] Maria Alvarez de Toledo.

    - [Jessica] Maria Alvarez de Toledo.

  • - [Derek] Wait, one at a time.

    - 等等,一次一個。

  • - [Jessica] Maria.

    - [傑西卡]瑪麗亞。

  • - [Derek] Maria.

    - 瑪麗亞

  • - [Jessica] Alvarez.

    - [傑西卡]阿爾瓦雷斯。

  • - [Derek] Alvarez.

    - [德里克]阿爾瓦雷斯。

  • - [Jessica] De. - [Derek] De.

    - [傑西卡]德- [德里克]德。

  • - [Jessica] Toledo. - [Derek] Toledo.

    - [傑西卡]托萊多- [德里克]托萊多。

  • - [Jessica] Okay.

    - [傑西卡]好吧。

  • So he seduces this chick,

    所以他勾引這個小妞。

  • and marries her, and basically blackmails the King.

    並與她結婚,基本上敲詐國王。

  • And he's like, "You know what, King Ferdinand?

    他說:"你知道嗎,費迪南王?

  • Make me the Viceroy of the entire West Indies,

    讓我成為整個西印度群島的總督。

  • which includes Puerto Rico, and the governor of Hispaniola,

    和伊斯帕尼奧拉省省長,其中包括波多黎各。

  • which is the Island just west of Puerto Rico."

    也就是波多黎各以西的島嶼。"

  • And King Ferdinand has no choice, his hands are tied.

    而國王費迪南德沒有選擇,他的手被綁住了。

  • So in 1509, Diego Columbus goes over to Hispaniola,

    所以在1509年,迭戈-哥倫布去了伊斯帕尼奧拉。

  • plunders all the resources, is a huge dick,

    掠奪所有資源,是一個巨大的傢伙。

  • brings over a slew of white chicks from Spain,

    從西班牙帶來了大量的白色小雞。

  • is like, "Oh, for my Spanish conquistador

    是這樣的,"哦,為我的西班牙征服者,

  • fellow army men, like, (groans) you know.

    同行的軍人,喜歡,(呻吟)你知道的。

  • Take your pick, you can (whistles)

    挑吧,你可以(吹口哨)

  • with whatever chick you want to."

    與任何小雞你想。"

  • And his buddies, Juan Ceron and Miguel Diaz, are over

    而他的兄弟,胡安-塞隆和米格爾-迪亞茲,也都過來了。

  • and he's like, (speaks Spanish)

    他的樣子,(講西班牙語)。

  • - What did he just say?

    - 他剛才說什麼?

  • - Let's have some drinks, let's have a good time,

    - 讓我們喝幾杯,讓我們有一個美好的時光。

  • let's party, man.

    讓我們的黨,男人。

  • - Very cool.

    - 非常酷。

  • - So then they go and it's like, "Yeah, party island!"

    - 所以,他們去了,就像,"是啊,派對島!"

  • And he turns Hispaniola into, like, a frat boy party.

    他把伊斯帕尼奧拉變成了兄弟會的聚會

  • (electronic music)

    (電子音樂)

  • (air horn blaring)

    (空氣喇叭高音)

  • (laughs)

    (笑)

  • (sighs)

    (嘆氣)

  • So he's like, "You know what?

    所以他說,"你知道嗎?

  • You guys, go over there, take over Puerto Rico,

    你們這些傢伙,去那裡,接管波多黎各。

  • it's supposed to be mine anyway.

    反正它應該是我的。

  • (beep) Ponce de Leon."

    (嗶)龐塞-德-萊昂。"

  • So he's doing whatever he wants over in Hispaniola

    所以,他在伊斯帕尼奧拉為所欲為。

  • while just one island over, in Puerto Rico,

    而就在波多黎各的一個島上。

  • Ponce de Leon is, like, skipping around with the people.

    龐塞-德-萊昂就像,和人們一起跳來跳去。

  • He's like, "Hey, what's up?"

    他說,"嘿,怎麼了?"

  • And they're like, "Hey, Poncey!"

    他們就像,"嘿,龐塞!"

  • Ceron And Diaz go over to Puerto Rico

    塞隆和迪亞茲去了波多黎各。

  • and kick Ponce de Leon out of power

    並將龐塞-德-萊昂踢下臺

  • and are like, "We're in charge now."

    並喜歡,"我們現在負責。"

  • They're barbaric, they're enslaving the people,

    他們是野蠻的,他們在奴役人民。

  • being super douches.

    是超級沖洗。

  • So Ponce de Leon is like,

    所以龐塞-德-萊昂就像。

  • "I can't witness my people just being, like,

    "我不能目睹我的人就這樣,就這樣。

  • totally treated (beep) like this."

    完全被這樣對待(嗶)"。

  • So he gathers up some of his Spanish men

    所以他召集了一些西班牙人。

  • and he's like, "You know what?

    他的樣子,"你知道嗎?

  • Let's (beep) chain these (beep)

    讓我們(嗶)連鎖這些(嗶)。

  • and send them back to Spain."

    並把他們送回西班牙。"

  • And King Ferdinand is like, "The (beep) are you doing?

    斐迪南國王就說:"你在做的(嗶)?

  • I get it, these guys are assholes, but

    我明白了,這些傢伙是混蛋,但...

  • you don't have the power to do that!"

    你沒有權力這麼做!"

  • So Juan Ceron and Miguel Diaz

    所以胡安-塞隆和米格爾-迪亞斯

  • go back to Puerto Rico, and Ponce de Leon's like,

    回到波多黎各,和龐塞德萊昂的喜歡,

  • "King Ferdinand, fine.

    "費迪南王,好。

  • If I can't have Puerto Rico,

    如果我不能擁有波多黎各,

  • there's this other island to the north, west a little bit.

    北邊還有一個島,西邊有點。

  • that is just as full gold

    金玉滿堂

  • and the land is just as bountiful."

    和土地一樣豐饒。"

  • And he says, "Okay, go do your thing."

    他說,"好吧,去做你的事情。"

  • So Ponce de Leon's like, "All right, sweet."

    所以龐塞-德-萊昂說:"好吧,親愛的。"

  • So it takes them a couple of months

    所以他們需要幾個月的時間

  • and he gets together a ship

    他湊齊了一艘船

  • and a group of Spaniards.

    和一群西班牙人。

  • In 1513, he sets sail in the wide open waters

    1513年,他在寬闊的海面上揚帆起航。

  • of the Atlantic ocean for this mystery island.

    大西洋上的這個神祕島嶼。

  • A month later, he sees land.

    一個月後,他看到了土地。

  • As he sees it, he realizes, "You know what?

    當他看到這裡時,他意識到:"你知道嗎?

  • Christopher Columbus has never been here.

    克里斯托弗-哥倫布從來沒有來過這裡。

  • I'm the first non-native to come across this land.

    我是第一個來到這片土地的非本地人。

  • And not just that..."

    不僅如此......"

  • (hums)

    (哼)

  • (laughs)

    (笑)

  • I lost it.

    我失去了它。

  • So he shows up and he's like, "Oh my God,

    所以他出現了,他的樣子,"哦,我的上帝。

  • I'm the first non-indigenous person

    我是第一個非土著人

  • to show up on this land,"

    來出現在這片土地上,"

  • sets down the Spanish flag, unrolls it, and is like,

    放下西班牙國旗,展開它,就像。