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-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show," everyone.
-歡迎,歡迎,歡迎來到 "今夜秀",各位。
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This is "The Tonight Show."
這裡是 "今夜秀"。
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Well, guys, I want to say congrats
好了,夥計們,我想說恭喜你。
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to the Kansas City Chiefs and Tampa Bay Buccaneers
到堪薩斯城酋長隊和坦帕灣海盜隊。
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on advancing to Super Bowl 55.
在晉級第55屆超級碗的時候。
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That is right.
是的
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Tom Brady is once again returning to the Super Bowl.
湯姆-布雷迪再次重返超級碗。
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Man, between Tom Brady and Joe Biden,
夥計,在湯姆-布雷迪和喬-拜登之間。
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what a month it's been for 78-year-old white guys.
對於78歲的白叟來說,這一個月是什麼日子?
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Yep, Brady will be playing in his 10th Super Bowl.
是的,布雷迪將參加他的第10屆超級碗比賽。
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How does he keep doing this?
他怎麼會一直這麼做?
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I think he once got stuck making small talk at a Super Bowl party
我想他有一次在超級碗的聚會上閒聊時被卡住了。
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and vowed, "I will never put myself in this position again."
併發誓:"我再也不把自己放在這個位置上了。"
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It's like, "I'll just play in all of them.
就像,"我就在所有的人中玩。
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If Brady keeps up this pace, I'm just worried
如果布雷迪繼續保持這個速度,我只是擔心。
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where he's gonna put the 11th Super Bowl ring
他要把第11個超級碗戒指放在哪裡?
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when he runs out of fingers.
當他沒有手指的時候
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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-Aw, no.
-啊,不
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-His toe, the big toe, maybe?
-他的腳趾,大腳趾,也許?
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-Oh. [ Laughs ]
-哦。[笑]
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-Meanwhile, the Chiefs are going
-同時,酋長隊也要去了
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to their second Super Bowl in a row,
到他們連續第二個超級碗。
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led by star quarterback Patrick Mahomes.
由明星四分衛帕特里克-馬霍姆斯領銜。
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He's 25, he's the reigning Super Bowl MVP,
他25歲了,他是超級碗的衛冕MVP。
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and he signed a deal for $500 million.
和他簽了一份5億美元的協議。
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He might be the only guy on earth
他可能是地球上唯一的人
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Tom Brady would trade places with.
湯姆-布雷迪會與之交換位置。
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Of course, it's not just the quarterbacks facing off,
當然,這不僅僅是四分衛的對決。
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it's also the coaches.
也是教練。
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The Chiefs are led by Andy Reid.
酋長隊由安迪-裡德率領。
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The Buccaneers are led by Bruce Arians.
Buccaneers由Bruce Arians上司。
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Can we see them both?
我們能同時看到他們嗎?
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Yeah. [ Laughter ]
是啊。[笑聲]
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Looks like a before and before photo.
看起來像是前後的照片。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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Kind of strange that we've never seen them at the same time.
有點奇怪,我們從來沒有見過他們在同一時間。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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The only thing we know for sure --
我們唯一能確定的是...
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the winning coach will be red, white, and round.
勝利的教練將是紅、白、圓。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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Right now, the Kool-Aid man is like, "I'm so torn. Oh, yeah!"
現在,酷愛的人是這樣的,"我很糾結。哦,耶!"
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And this is cool, the Buccaneers will be the first team ever
而這是很酷的,海盜隊將是有史以來的第一支球隊
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to play a Super Bowl in their home stadium.
在自己的主場打一場超級碗。
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Apparently, the Bucs saw the entire world working from home
顯然,小牛隊看到了在家工作的整個世界。
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and thought, "Eh, why not us?"
心想:"誒,為什麼不是我們?"
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One NBA team is allowing a limited number of fans
一支NBA球隊允許有限數量的球迷。
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back into their arena this week,
本週回到他們的舞臺上。
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and they've come up with a unique way
他們已經想出了一個獨特的方式。
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to keep people safe from the virus. Listen to this.
以保證人們免受病毒侵害。聽聽這個。
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-The Miami Heat will use specially-trained dogs
-邁阿密熱火隊將使用經過特殊訓練的狗。
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to sniff fans for COVID.
以聞粉絲為COVID。
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If the dog sits, that signals
如果狗坐著,那就是信號
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they may have detected the virus,
他們可能已經檢測到了病毒。
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and fans will be asked to leave.
並要求粉絲離開。
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-Yeah, these dogs are super smart.
-是啊,這些狗都是超級聰明的。
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They can tell whether you have coronavirus, drugs,
他們可以告訴你是否有冠狀病毒,藥物。
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or a counterfeit ticket from StubHub.
或StubHub的假票。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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That's right, the Miami Heat will use COVID-sniffing dogs
沒錯,邁阿密熱火隊將使用COVID嗅探犬。
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to screen fans at games, which brings us to our new segment,
來篩選遊戲中的粉絲,這就有了我們新的環節。
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"Uhh...I Have Some Questions."
"呃......我有一些問題。"
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-♪ Uhh...I Have Some Questions ♪
-呃... ... 我有一些問題?
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-First up, since when are there dogs that can "sniff" COVID?
-首先,什麼時候開始有狗可以 "聞 "COVID了?
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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Next up, if a dog "sniffs" COVID, won't it get COVID?
接下來,如果狗狗 "嗅 "到了COVID,是不是就不會得到COVID了?
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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Follow-up. Can dogs get COVID?
跟進。狗狗會得COVID嗎?
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If they can,
如果他們能。
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and a common symptom of COVID is loss of smell,
而COVID的一個常見症狀就是嗅覺喪失。
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how can you trust a dog to properly smell more COVID?
如何相信狗狗能正確的多聞COVID?
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[ Laughter, applause ]
[笑聲,掌聲]
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Also, are these the same dogs
還有,這幾隻狗是同一只嗎?
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that sniff for bombs at the airport,
在機場的炸彈嗅覺。
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or are they completely different dogs?
還是說它們是完全不同的狗?
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If they're the same dogs, are they getting paid overtime pay?
如果是同一條狗,他們有加班費嗎?
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I just have so many questions.
我只是有這麼多的問題。
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-♪ I just have so many questions ♪
-我只是有這麼多的問題
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-Speaking of dogs, yesterday, President Biden's dogs,
-說到狗,昨天,拜登總統的狗。
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Champ and Major, moved into the White House.
冠軍和少校,搬進了白宮。
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Yep, some dogs get to live in the White House,
是的,有些狗可以住在白宮。
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while others have to sniff for COVID.
而其他人則要嗅到COVID。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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Not only are Biden's dogs at the White House,
不僅是拜登的狗在白宮。
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they're sleeping in the same dog house
同床異夢
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that Dr. Fauci was in all of last year.
福齊醫生在去年全年。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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The dogs are actually pretty busy.
狗狗們其實很忙。
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They're now in charge of the Space Force.
他們現在是太空部隊的負責人。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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Meanwhile, Major hasn't even been there a full day,
同時,少校還沒有在那裡呆上一整天。
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and he's already passed an executive order
他已經通過了一項行政命令
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that allows you to lick yourself in public.
允許你在公共場合舔自己。
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Unbelievable.
難以置信
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Some entertainment news. Yesterday, HBO Max released
一些娛樂新聞。昨天,HBO Max發佈了
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the first look of the new "Godzilla vs. Kong" movie
新片《哥斯拉大戰金剛》初見端倪
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that comes out in March.
3月份出來的。
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It looks insane. Check out part of the trailer.
它看起來很瘋狂。看看預告片的一部分。
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♪♪
♪♪
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-♪ Yeah ♪
-是啊
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♪ Come on, oh, here we go ♪
來吧,哦,在這裡,我們走了
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♪ Give it a hundred, never nothin' less, here we go ♪
給它一個100,從來沒有什麼少,在這裡,我們走了
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-The only thing more fun than that movie
-唯一比那部電影更有趣的是
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is imagining two guys in spandex suits
想象著兩個穿著緊身衣的人的樣子
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acting that out in front of a green screen.
在綠色螢幕前表演,。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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Godzilla and King Kong fight each other the whole movie,
哥斯拉和金剛打了整部電影。
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but I'm told it's the make-up sex near the end
但我聽說是最後的化妝性愛。
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that got them the R rating.
這讓他們得到了R級的評價。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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[ Cymbal playing ]
[打鈸]
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This is going viral.
這是在進行病毒式傳播。
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A "Bridgerton" fan spotted a modern-day mistake
一個 "布里奇頓 "的粉絲髮現了一個現代的錯誤。
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in one of the opening scenes.
在開場的一個場景中。
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Take a look at this.
看看這個。
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Can you guys tell what's wrong?
你們能告訴我是怎麼回事嗎?
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Here it is. Yeah. The show is set in the 1800s,
在這裡,它是。是啊。該劇是在19世紀。
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but there's a yellow line that's only used on modern roads.
但有一條黃線,只在現代道路上使用。
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I don't know.
我不知道。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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I don't think it's that big of a deal.
我不認為這是一個很大的問題。
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-I do.
-我到:
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It pulls me out of the trance, man.
它把我從恍惚中拉出來,夥計。
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If you want me to watch your show,
如果你想讓我看你的節目,
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then you can't be showing things that people didn't use
那你就不能展示人們沒用過的東西。
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or have in that era.
或在那個時代有。
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[ Telephone rings ]
[電話鈴聲]
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-Sorry, what is that?
-抱歉,那是什麼?
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Is someone's phone on?
有人開著手機嗎?
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-Yeah, sorry, man, I got to take this.
-是的,對不起,夥計,我得接這個電話。
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I've been on hold for like an hour.
我一直在等待像一個小時。
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Hello?
喂?
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Netflix? -Oh, God. [ Laughs ]
Netflix?-哦,上帝。哦,上帝。 [笑]
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-Yeah, cancel my subscription.
-對,取消我的訂閱
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You know why!
你知道為什麼!
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[ Laughter and applause ]
[笑聲和掌聲]
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-Oh. Alright. Let's move on. Alright.
-哦好吧。讓我們繼續前進。好吧。
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Listen to this. An inventor n Sweden has created something
聽聽這個瑞典的一個發明家創造了一個東西
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to help keep motorcycle riders safe.
以幫助保障摩托車駕駛員的安全。
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-Airbag jeans.
-空氣袋牛仔褲。
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These pants have concealed airbags inside the legs.
這條褲子的腿內有隱藏式安全氣囊。
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And if riders fall, the airbags are triggered
如果乘客摔倒,安全氣囊就會被觸發
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and filled up with compressed air.
並充滿了壓縮空氣。
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-Yeah, it's great until you hit a small bump
-是啊,在你遇到小困難之前,它是很好的。
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and suddenly turn into MC Hammer.
並突然變成MC Hammer。
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[ Laughter ]
[笑聲]
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And finally, a volcanic rock was discovered in Brazil
最後,在巴西發現了一塊火山岩。
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that looks like Cookie Monster,
這看起來像餅乾怪獸。
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and it could be worth more than $10,000.
而且它的價值可能超過1萬美元。
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Check this out.
看看這個。
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Yeah.
是啊。
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10 grand. Right now, people are at home
一萬塊錢。現在,人們都在家裡
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with blue paint and a Sharpie
用藍色顏料和銳利筆
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like, "Yeah, this rock also looks like Cookie Monster."
像,"是啊,這塊石頭也看起來像餅乾怪獸。"
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[ Laughter, applause ]
[笑聲,掌聲]
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Sorry, I'm just realizing how different our monologue is now.
對不起,我只是意識到我們的獨白現在是多麼的不同。
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Our last two stories were about
我們上兩個故事是關於
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inflatable pants and Cookie Monster.
充氣褲和餅乾怪獸。