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  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

    *********** 斯蒂芬歡迎回來。

  • EVERYBODY.

    每個人。

  • LET'S SAY HELLO TO OUR HAPPY FRIEND, MR. JON BATISTE.

    讓我們向我們的快樂的朋友,先生問好。JON BATISTE.

  • JON, YOU LOOK VERY, VERY HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

    喬恩,你現在看起來非常,非常高興。

  • WHAT'S GOING ON?

    發生了什麼事?

  • ( SCATTING ) ♪ T IN THIS WORLD WITH A LOT OF

    在這個世界上,有很多的

  • PROBLEMMEDOH, MY GOODNESS, I'VE GOT A SONG

    哦,我的天啊,我有一首歌曲。

  • IN HIGH HEART RIGHT NOW.

    在高心現在。

  • I'VE GOT A SONG IN MY HEART.

    我心裡有首歌。

  • >> Stephen: I WAS REALLY MOVED.

    >> Stephen:我真的被感動了。

  • I WAS REALLY MOVED TO SEE THE BIDENS LAND AT ANDREWS.

    我看到安德魯斯的比登斯地,真的很感動。

  • LIKE, IT'S REAL, IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, MAN YOU.

    喜歡,這是真實的,它會發生,男人你。

  • >> Jon: YOU KNOW IT'S HAPPENING BECAUSE WE PUT IN THE

    >> 喬恩:你知道發生了什麼事,因為我們放進去了。

  • WORK TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.

    努力讓它發生。

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.

    >> Stephen:這是正確的。

  • >> Jon: AND IF WE KEEP PUTTING IN THE WORK, IT WILL CONTINUE TO

    >> 喬恩如果我們繼續投入工作,它就會繼續下去

  • GET BETTER.

    變得更好。

  • AD THAT'S WHAT I'M BELIEVING.

    這就是我所相信的。

  • I'M STANDING ON THAT.

    我站在那。

  • >> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT I APPRECIATE?

    >> Stephen:你知道我欣賞什麼嗎?

  • THE MEMORIAL CEREMONY THAT HE AND FUTURE FIRST LADY HELD TODAY

    他和未來第一夫人今天舉行的追悼會。

  • AT THE REFLECTING POOL AT THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL TODAY FOR THOSE

    今天在林肯紀念館的反射池,為這些人舉行的

  • WHO WERE LOST TO COVID.

    誰失去了COVID。

  • IT'S A SIMPLE, BEAUTIFUL GESTURE THAT IS THE FIRST STAGE OF THE

    這是一個簡單而美麗的GESTURE,是一個簡單而美麗的GESTURE的第一階段。

  • NATION HEALING.

    民族復興:

  • >> Jon: EXACTLY.

    >> 喬恩。正是如此。

  • TO SHOW ACKNOWLEDGMENT AND WRENCHANCE TOWARDS EVERYTHING

    表明對一切事物的認識和決心。

  • THAT'S HAPPENED AND NOT JUST SKIP OVER IT.

    這是發生了,而不是隻是跳過它。

  • I THINK WE HAVE A LOT OF HEALING TO DO, BUT THAT'S THE MOST

    我想我們還有很多事情要做,但這是最重要的。

  • IMPORTANT STEP AFTER WHAT WE HAD IN 2021.

    我們在2021年的事情之後的重要一步。

  • >> Stephen: JON CAN YOU GIVE US A LITTLE MORE OF THAT HAPPY

    >> 喬恩:你能給我們多一點快樂的感覺嗎?

  • FEEL AS WE GO ONIN THIS WORLD

    感覺我們繼續在這個世界上。

  • WITH A LOT OF PROBLEMSALL WE NEED IS A LITTLE LOVING

    有很多問題 我們需要的只是一點點的愛

  • THANK YOU, THANK YOU, FOR YOUR LOVE, MR. COLBERT

    謝謝你,謝謝你,為了你的愛,科爾伯特先生。

  • OH, YEAH ♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE,

    哦,是的>>斯蒂芬。JON BATISTE,

  • EVERYBODY.

    每個人。

  • THANK YOU, JON.

    謝謝你,喬恩。

  • ( LAUGHING ) FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I SPEND MOST OF

    夥計們,你知道,我花了大部分的時間

  • MY TIME WITH A SNIFTER OF FINE ARMAGNAC AT MY ELBOW, LAYING OUT

    我的時間,用一把細長的阿馬尼亞克刀在我的肘部,鋪開了。

  • THE NEWSIEST, MOST COMPELLING PLOTS, CONSTRUCTING THE MOST

    最新潮、最吸引人的劇情,構築最強的劇情。

  • TOPICAL CHARACTERS, AND COMPOSING THE TIMELIEST LYRICAL

    主題人物,並創作出最時髦的抒情詩。

  • METAPHORS TO BRING YOU THE PULITZER-WORTHY MAGNUM OPUS OF A

    為您帶來《普利策獎》的主題曲《隱喻》。

  • NOVEL THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

    小說,這是我的獨白。

  • BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO POUND A RACK OF BOOTLEG FOUR

    但有時,有時我喜歡敲打一排長腿四號,

  • LOKO, DEFACE A BUNCH OF CUTOUTS FROM FASHIONS MAGS WITH A

    LOKO,為時尚雜誌上的一大堆時裝剪裁打掩護。

  • SHARPIE AND SLAP 'EM TOGETHER WITH GLUE STICKS, THEN HIJACK MY

    用利器把它們用膠水棒粘起來,然後把我的衣服扣起來。

  • BROTHER-IN-LAW'S OFFICE PRINTER AND RUN DOWN THE TONER, CRANKING

    姐夫的辦公室打印機,然後順著調色板,嘎吱嘎吱地響。

  • OUT THE DERANGED, UNDERGROUND 'ZINE OF NEWS THAT IS MY

    出了變態的,地下的新聞雜誌,這是我的。

  • SEGMENT: >> QUARANTINE-WHILE.

    段:>>量子化---------------------------。

  • >> Stephen: QUARANTINE-WHILE, IF YOU'RE STILL NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

    >> Stephen:夸特林--如果你還不知道該怎麼做的話

  • WITH YOUR LOVED ONE ON VALENTINES, THERE'S SOME GREAT

    與你的夫妻在情人節,有一些偉大的。

  • NEWS: "WHITE CASTLE IS TRANSFORMING

    新聞:"白宮正在轉型

  • RESTAURANTS INTO DRIVE-INS FOR THE NIGHT," COMPLETE WITH

    餐館變成夜間的汽車旅館",包括以下內容

  • "CARHOP SERVICE."

    "CARHOP服務。"

  • THE WAY YOU CELEBRATE VALENTINES SENDS A MESSAGE.

    你慶祝情人節的方式傳遞了一個資訊。

  • AND WHITE CASTLE IS THE PERFECT WAY TO SAY, "OUR LOVE IS

    而白色城堡是說 "我們的愛是 "的最佳方式。

  • GRATIFYING IN THE SHORT TERM, BUT I WILL LOSE INTEREST AS SOON

    在短期內是值得欣慰的,但我將盡快失去興趣。

  • AS I AM NO LONGER HIGH."

    "因為我已經不高了。"

  • IT'S A BIG NIGHT FOR THEM, AND ACCORDING TO A SPOKESPERSON,

    對他們來說,這是一個重要的夜晚, 據一位發言人說,

  • "WHITE CASTLE WILL BECOME LOVE CASTLE," BECAUSE THE ONLY THING

    "白色城堡會變成愛情城堡" 因為只有一個東西

  • THAT GETS YOU IN THE MOOD FASTER THAN A MEAL AT WHITE CASTLE IS

    比在白宮吃一頓飯更能讓你心情舒暢的是

  • TO BE TRAPPED IN A CAR WITH SOMEONE WHO JUST HAD A MEAL AT

    被困在一輛車裡,和一個剛吃過飯的人在一起

  • WHITE CASTLE.

    白色城堡:

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, "OSCAR MEYER IS SEEKING NEW DRIVERS FOR ITS

    QUARANTINE-WHILE,"OSCAR MEYER正在尋找新的驅動力,為我的產品提供新的動力。

  • FAMOUS WEINERMOBILE."

    著名的WEINERMOBILE。"

  • THEY ARE LOOKING FOR RECENT COLLEGE GRADUATES TO TAKE ON THE

    他們正在尋找應屆大學畢業生,以採取的

  • ONE-YEAR PAID JOB CRISSCROSSING THE COUNTRY IN THE ICONIC

    一年的帶薪工作,在全國各地的標誌性建築中縱橫馳騁。

  • 27-FOOT-LONG HOT-DOG-SHAPED VEHICLE.

    27英尺長的熱狗型車。

  • BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS "THANK YOU, MOM AND DAD, FOR WORKING YOUR

    因為沒有什麼比 "感謝你,爸爸媽媽,為你的工作 "更重要的了。

  • ENTIRE LIVES SO THAT I COULD GET A B.F.A. IN MUSICAL THEATRE,"

    整個生活,所以我可以得到一個B.F.A.在音樂戲劇,"

  • QUITE LIKE SPENDING A YEAR DRIVING A BEEF STICK LIMOUSINE.■

    相當於花了一年的時間,開了一年的牛棒LEMOUSINE.■。

  • THE GIG PROMISES ALL SORTS OF ADVENTURE.

    GIG保證各種冒險。

  • IN FACT, ONE OF LAST YEAR'S DRIVERS "EVEN PROPOSED TO HIS

    事實上,去年的一個司機 "甚至向他的妻子提出了建議。

  • GIRLFRIEND WHILE ON THE ROAD."

    女朋友在路上的時候。"

  • BUT IF PROPOSING IN THE WIENERMOBILE DOESN'T FEEL

    但是,如果在WIENERMOBILE中提出的感覺不

  • ROMANTIC ENOUGH, YOU CAN ALWAYS TAKE HER TO THE DRIVE-THRU AT

    足夠浪漫,你可以隨時帶她去汽車修理廠。

  • WHITE CASTLE.

    白色城堡:

  • ( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, UNLESS YOU

    (笑) 量子化,除非你

  • LIVE UNDER A ROCK, YOU ARE ALREADY ALARMINGLY AWARE OF

    住在岩石下,你已經警惕地意識到了

  • GWYNETH PATLROW'S GOOP CANDLE■ç THAT PROMISES TO SMELL LIKE HER

    GWYNETH PATLROW's GO OP CANDLE■ç,保證聞起來像她的味道。

  • VAGINA.

    陰道:

  • BUT I'M THE WEIRDO IF I ENTER SOMEONE'S HOME AND ASK, "IS IS

    但我是怪人,如果我進入別人的家,並問,"是是是"。

  • ME, OR DOES IT SMELL LIKE GWYNETH PALTROW'S VAGINA IN

    我,或者它聞起來像 GWYNETH PALTROW的陰道在

  • HERE?" ( LAUGHTER )

    這裡?" (笑聲)

  • AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS.

    我不能相信我在說這個。

  • BUT YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO BUY THE CANDLE THAT SMELLS LIKE

    但你可能不想買那支聞起來像蠟燭的蠟燭。

  • GWYNETH PALTROW'S VAGINA BECAUSE "ONE OF HER VAGINA

    GWYNETH PALTROW的陰道,因為 "她的一個陰道"。

  • CANDLES REPORTEDLY EXPLODED IN A U.K. WOMAN'S HOME."

    據報道,蠟燭在一個英國女人的家裡爆炸了。"

  • A SHOCKING STORY THAT THREATENS THE ENTIRE VAGINA-SCENTED CANDLE

    一個令人震驚的故事,威脅到了整個陰道香薰蠟燭。

  • INDUSTRY.

    工業:

  • ACCORDING TO THE HOMEOWNER, "THE CANDLE EXPLODED AND EMITTED HUGE

    據房主說,"蠟燭爆炸併發出巨大的聲音。

  • FLAMES, WITH BITS FLYING EVERYWHERE."

    火焰,與比特飛到處。"

  • WHICH IS WHY SAFETY-MINDED CONSUMERS PREFER TO STICK WITH

    這也是為什麼有安全意識的消費者更願意堅持使用 "安全 "的產品的原因。

  • YANKEE CANDLE'S AUTUMN LABIA.

    YANKEE CANDLE'S AUTUMN LABIA.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, "NESTLE HAS

    (笑) 夸父,"NESTLE有"。

  • RECALLED 762,000 POUNDS OF HOT POCKETS BECAUSE THEY MAY HAVE

    召回762,000磅熱水袋,因為它們可能有。

  • GLASS AND PLASTIC INSIDE."

    玻璃和塑膠的內部。"

  • OKAY, BUT THEY STILL HAVE CHEESE, RIGHT?

    好吧,但他們仍然有奶酪,對不對?

  • THE COMPANY IS WARNING CUSTOMERS THAT THE HOT POCKETS CONTAINING

    本公司警告客戶,熱袋中含有

  • GLASS AND PLASTIC ARE DANGEROUS, THOUGH STILL NOT AS DANGEROUS

    玻璃和塑膠是危險的,但仍然沒有那麼危險。

  • AS EATING THEM STRAIGHT OUT OF THE MICROWAVE.

    就像吃它們直接從微波爐裡出來一樣。

  • STILL, PRETTY SHOCKING, AND SOME SERIOUS COMPETITION FOR ORE

    仍然,非常令人震驚,並且對礦石有一些嚴重的競爭。

  • IDA'S GLASS AND PLASTIC-INOS.

    IDA's GLASS AND PLASTIC-INOS.

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, THIS IS THE KIND OF NEWS I'M HOPING TO SPEND

    QUARANTINE--雖然,這是我希望度過的那種新聞。

  • MORE TIME THINKING ABOUT IN 2021.

    更多的時間思考在2021年。

  • BECAUSE IN WAYLAND, MASSACHUSETTS, "LIBRARIANS ARE

    因為在馬薩諸塞州的韋蘭德,"圖書館員是:

  • MYSTIFIED BY POTATOES GATHERING ON THE LIBRARY'S FRONT LAWN."

    被圖書館前草坪上聚集的洋芋嚇到了。"

  • I THINK THE WORD YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS "ACCUMULATING," OR

    我想你要找的詞是 "積累",或者是...

  • "GATHERING" IMPLIES THEY'RE RESPONDING TO SOME SORT OF

    "聚集 "意味著他們正在響應某種形式的。

  • PRIMAL POTATO CALL TO ASSEMBLE FOR THE GREAT POTATO UPRISING.

    PRIMAL POTATO CALL TO ASSEMBLE FOR THE GREAT POTATO UPRISING.

  • "ARISE, FELLOW TUBERS!

    "起來,親愛的管子們!

  • NEVER AGAIN WILL THEY SPRINKLE US WITH CHIVES!"

    他們再也不會給我們撒上韭菜了!"

  • "THE CREAM MAY BE SOUR BUT OUR REVENGE WILL BE SWEET!"

    "奶油是我們的,但我們的復仇會很甜蜜!"

  • THE LIBRARIANS HAVE BEEN SHAKEN BY WHAT THEY REFER TO AS "RANDOM

    圖書館館員們被他們所說的 "隨意 "震撼了。

  • POTATOES."

    洋芋。"

  • YES, RANDOM.

    是的,隨機的。

  • THESE POTATOES ARE NEITHER EXPECTED NOR ORDERLY!

    這些洋芋既不是預期的,也不是有序的!

  • THESE ARE TATERS OF CHAOS!

    這些都是混亂的毒蛇!

  • ACCORDING TO REPORTS, LIBRARY "DIRECTOR SANDY RAYMOND FOUND

    據報道,圖書館 "館長SANDY RAYMOND發現了"。

  • THE FIRST TUBER MONDAY DURING A WALK AROUND THE LIBRARY GROUNDS.

    繞著圖書館的地盤走了一圈後,第一個管子星期一。

  • SHE DISCOVERED THE SECOND WHILE GETTING HER STEPS IN TUESDAY."

    "她在週二上臺階時發現了第二件事"

  • THAT'S HOW VICIOUS THIS CRIME IS!

    這就是這種犯罪的凶殘程度!

  • SHE'S TRYING GET HER STEPS IN, AND SOME SICKO IS TAUNTING HER

    她試圖得到她的步驟,和一些SICKO是TAUNTING她。

  • WITH CARBS!

    與碳水化合物!

  • AND YOU KNOW WE'RE ONLY HEARING ABOUT THIS BECAUSE OF THE SECOND

    你知道我們只聽說過這個,因為第二個

  • POTATO.

    POTATO.

  • IF IT WAS ONE POTATO, THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA WOULD

    如果它是一個洋芋,主流媒體將:

  • COMPLETELY IGNORE IT.

    完全不理會它。

  • BUT TWO POTATOES, THAT'S A CLEAR PATTERN OF POTERRORISM.

    但兩個洋芋,這是一個明確的模式 惡作劇。

  • TO AID LAW ENFORCEMENT, THE PRESS HAS RELEASED THIS PHOTO OF

    為協助執法,新聞界發佈了這張照片。

  • THE LIBRARY AND THE POTATO-VIOLATED LAWN WITH THE

    圖書館和被洋芋侵犯的草坪,與《公約》的關係

  • HELPFUL CAPTION, "ARROWS INDICATE WHERE POTATOES ARE."

    有用的標題,"箭頭訓示哪裡有洋芋。"

  • THAT'S RIGHT, "ARE"!

    沒錯,"是"!

  • LEAVE THEM THERE.

    把它們留在那裡。

  • DON'T TOUCH THE CRIME SCENE!

    不要碰犯罪現場!

  • TAPE IT OFF.

    把它錄下來。

  • FORENSICS ARE ON THE WAY OVER WITH SOUR CREAM AND BACON BITS!

    鑑證科是在路上結束與OUR CREAM和麵包片!

  • THE LIBRARIANS ALSO STATED, "NONE OF US CAN IMAGINE HOW

    圖書館館長還說:"我們誰也無法想象如何

  • THEY GOT THERE."

    他們到了那裡。"

  • IT'S UNIMAGINABLE!

    難以想象!

  • OH, YOU MIGHT BE SAYING, "UH, DROPPED BY WALKING OR

    哦,你可能會說,"呃,走路摔倒或

  • THROWN FROM A CAR ARE, LIKE, THE ONLY TWO OPTIONS, RIGHT?"

    從汽車上扔下來的,好像只有兩個選擇,對吧?"

  • WELL, SNAP OUT OF IT!

    好了,打起精神來!

  • IT CANNOT BE EXPLAINED.

    它無法解釋。

  • DID YOU EVEN CONSIDER THAT IT COULD BE THE SASQUATCH?

    你有沒有考慮過這可能是SASQUATCH?

  • YOU NEVER SEE A PHOTO OF BIGFOOT WITH A POTATO.

    你永遠不會看到大腳和洋芋的照片。

  • NO, WHY?

    不,為什麼?

  • BECAUSE HE DROPPED HIS SPUDS AT THE LIBRARY!

    因為他在圖書館丟了菸頭!

  • AND, AGAIN, KEEP IN MIND, THIS STORY IS NOT OVER.

    還有,再一次,請記住,這個故事還沒有結束。

  • THERE'S MORE POTATO STORY COMING.

    還有更多的洋芋故事即將到來。

  • >> IN THE PATROL OF FULL DISCLOSURE I THINK I

    >>在全面披露的巡邏中,我想我... ...

  • BECAUSE IF YOU THINK THIS IS JUST SOME FUNNY, ISOLATED LITTLE

    因為如果你認為這只是一些有趣的,孤立的小。

  • POTATO INCIDENT, YOU'RE SHOULD REVEAL

    洋芋事件,你應該揭開面紗

  • SHOULD REVEAL THAT "POTATO OCCURRENCES" WAS THE NAME OF MY

    應該揭露 "洋芋事件 "是我的名字。

  • COLLEGE POETRY SLAM COLLECTIVE.

    學院詩歌大滿貫收藏。

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAR OF "OUR FRIEND," JASON SEGEL.

    我們馬上回來,"我們的朋友 "的明星,賈森・塞格爾。

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

*********** 斯蒂芬歡迎回來。

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B1 中級 中文 TheLateShow 洋芋 圖書館 喬恩 陰道 蠟燭

檢疫的同時...白色城堡不會讓科維德毀了情人節 (Quarantinewhile... White Castle Won't Let Covid Ruin Valentine's Day)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 20 日
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