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  • -Thank you very much, everyone!

    -非常感謝大家!

  • Thank you! On a Friday!

    謝謝你!在星期五!

  • That's some Friday love right there.

    這是一些週五的愛在那裡。

  • Thank you. Welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.

    謝謝大家歡迎來到 "今夜秀",各位。

  • Let's get to the news and jokes.

    讓我們來看看新聞和笑話。

  • Well, guys, everyone's still talking about

    好了,夥計們,每個人都還在談論關於

  • last night's presidential debate.

    昨晚的總統辯論。

  • But based on the early ratings,

    但根據早期的評價。

  • it had about 7 million fewer viewers than the first one.

    它的觀眾比第一部少了700萬左右。

  • It's not that 7 million people chose not to watch.

    不是700萬人選擇不看。

  • It's that after the first debate, they left the country.

    就是第一次辯論後,他們就離開了這個國家。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Based on some snap polls, Trump won the debate

    根據一些快速的民調,特朗普贏得了辯論。

  • by 98% to 2%.

    由98%降至2%。

  • That's according to the fair polling site,

    這是根據公平調查網站的數據。

  • guntotingeagle.com.

    guntotingeagle.com。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • But this is interesting. The Trump campaign announced

    但這很有意思。特朗普競選團隊宣佈

  • that yesterday was their biggest online fundraising day ever,

    昨天是他們有史以來最大的網上籌款日。

  • pulling in $26 million.

    拉動了2600萬美元。

  • Wow, he really has the bird-killing wind at his back.

    哇,他真的有殺鳥之風。

  • Yep, Trump raised $26 million.

    是的,特朗普籌集了2600萬美元。

  • Today he was like, "Spend the million on TV ads,

    今天他就說:"把這一百萬花在電視廣告上。

  • put the rest in my Chinese bank account."

    把剩下的錢存入我的中國銀行賬戶。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Did you see this? Two of Trump's guests last night

    你看到這個了嗎?昨晚特朗普的兩位嘉賓

  • were Kid Rock and golfer John Daly.

    是基德-洛克和高爾夫球手約翰-戴利。

  • Take a look at this.

    看看這個。

  • [ Laughter ] They look great.

    [笑]他們看起來很棒。

  • I think they bought those clothes at QAnon Members Only.

    我想他們是在QAnon會員處買的衣服。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Yep, Trump wanted Kid Rock's support, mostly because

    是的,特朗普希望得到Kid Rock的支持,主要是因為:

  • he thinks Kid Rock is Dwayne Johnson's son.

    他認為Kid Rock是Dwayne Johnson的兒子。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • I shouldn't make fun of them. In 2024,

    我不應該取笑他們。在2024年

  • that's going to be the Republican ticket.

    這將是 共和黨的票。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Meanwhile, after the debate, Donald Trump Jr.

    同時,辯論結束後,小唐納德-特朗普。

  • went on Fox News and he was really pumped

    上了福克斯新聞,他是真的泵。

  • about his dad's performance.

    關於他爸爸的表現。

  • I mean, really pumped. Watch this.

    我的意思是,真正的泵。看這個。

  • -The media runs right away. It's Russian disinformation.

    -媒體馬上就跑了這是俄羅斯的假消息。

  • There's literally zero evidence

    有字面上的零證據

  • that it's Russian disinformation.

    這是俄羅斯的虛假資訊。

  • The Director of National Intelligence said --

    國家情報局局長說...

  • and by the way, more importantly, the FBI said it,

    順便說一句,更重要的是,FBI說的。

  • and I don't say that because I think the FBI has more

    我這麼說不是因為我認為FBI有更多的...

  • credibility, I say that because it's pretty clear that the FBI

    可信度,我之所以這麼說,是因為很明顯,聯邦調查局...

  • has done whatever they possibly could to hurt Donald Trump.

    已經做了一切可能的事情來傷害唐納德-特朗普。

  • So if they're even coming out and saying this,

    所以如果他們連這個都出來說。

  • meaning the upper levels of the FBI.

    指的是聯邦調查局的高層。

  • The door kickers love us,

    踢門的人喜歡我們。

  • not so much the bureaucrats at the top.

    而不是高層的官僚。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -Okay.

    -好吧

  • Was he double parked or something?

    他是雙倍停車還是什麼?

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Looks like someone's been dipping into Daddy's

    看來有人一直在浸泡在爸爸的。

  • nuclear-powered steroids.

    核動力類固醇。

  • He sounds like a kindergartner

    他的口氣像個幼兒園的孩子

  • who can't wait to tell you about his day.

    迫不及待地想告訴你他的一天。

  • And then -- and then -- and then we finger painted,

    然後... ... 然後... ... 然後我們用手指畫了畫。

  • and then we ate lunch, and then we played outside,

    然後我們吃了午飯,然後我們在外面玩。

  • and then we -- and then we stuck up for Russia,

    然後我們... ... 然後我們為俄羅斯撐腰。

  • and then --

    然後...

  • I didn't know if I was watching "Hannity"

    我不知道我是不是在看 "漢尼迪 "節目。

  • or an episode of "Narcos."

    或 "緝毒組 "的一集。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • In six months, Don Jr.'s going to be auctioning off

    半年後,小唐要拍賣的是

  • unclaimed storage units.

    無人認領的儲存組織、部門;

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • That was a good deep cut.

    這是一個很好的深切。

  • He sounds like the guy who reads the side effects

    他的口氣就像讀過副作用的人一樣

  • on the end of a Zoloft commercial.

    在左洛復廣告的最後。

  • [ Rapid indistinct talking ]

    [快速模糊的說話]

  • Sounded like every conversation that's ever happened at a rave.

    聽起來就像是在狂歡節上發生的每一次對話。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Well, with less than two weeks until the election,

    好吧,離選舉還有不到兩週的時間。

  • the President is campaigning as much as he can.

    總統正在儘可能多地進行競選活動。

  • Take a look. -President Trump,

    看看吧-特朗普總統。

  • he is about to begin a whirlwind weekend of campaigning.

    他即將開始一個旋風般的週末競選活動。

  • He'll be heading down South for campaign events in the villages,

    他將前往南方參加鄉村的競選活動。

  • then a rally tonight in the Panhandle and Pensacola.

    然後今晚在Panhandle和Pensacola舉行集會。

  • He'll be staying overnight in Florida, getting a chance

    他將在佛羅里達州過夜,得到一個機會

  • to early vote tomorrow.

    到明天提前投票。

  • He'll be holding rallies this weekend in places like

    他這個週末會在一些地方舉行集會,比如說...

  • North Carolina, Ohio, and Wisconsin.

    北卡羅來納州、俄亥俄州和威斯康星州。

  • And then Sunday, another rally in New Hampshire.

    然後週日,在新罕布什爾州又舉行了一次集會。

  • -He's starting to turn into that band where

    -他開始變成那個樂隊,其中

  • you're just like, "Weren't they just here?"

    你只是想,"他們不是剛來過嗎?"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • The rallies aren't really changing

    集會並沒有真正改變

  • Trump's approval rating.

    特朗普的支持率。

  • However, the coronavirus numbers are through the roof.

    然而,冠狀病毒的數量卻在不斷上升。

  • [ Laughter and ohhs ]

    [Laughter and ohhs]

  • Trump hasn't worked this hard since he had to be quiet

    特朗普自從不得不安靜下來後,就沒有這麼努力過了

  • for two minutes at the debate last night.

    在昨晚的辯論中,有兩分鐘的時間。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • This is pretty crazy.

    這是相當瘋狂的。

  • A security researcher claims that he was able to

    一名安全研究人員聲稱,他能夠。

  • get into Trump's Twitter account by guessing his password.

    通過猜測特朗普的密碼進入他的推特賬號。

  • Check out what it was.

    看看是什麼。

  • -A Dutch security researcher was able to access

    -一個荷蘭安全研究人員能夠訪問

  • President Trump's Twitter account last week

    特朗普總統的推特賬號上週

  • by guessing his password,

    通過猜測他的密碼。

  • maga2020!

    Maga2020!

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -If you're worried about the nuclear codes, don't be.

    -如果你擔心核密碼,別擔心。

  • That password is maga2020!! with two exclamation points.

    這個密碼是maga2020!!帶兩個感嘆號。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Well, another big story is early voting.

    嗯,另一個大新聞是提前投票。

  • Millions of Americans are doing it,

    數百萬美國人都在這樣做。

  • and today one of them was Mike Pence.

    而今天其中一個就是邁克-彭斯。

  • Here he is casting his ballot in Indiana.

    在這裡,他正在印第安納州投下他的選票。

  • Yep, the Pences were excited.

    是的,Pences一家很興奮。

  • They haven't done a joint thumbs up since their honeymoon.

    自從蜜月之後,他們就再也沒有做過聯合大拇指了。

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [笑聲和掌聲]

  • "What do you think?" "All right."

    "你覺得呢?""好吧。"

  • Some news from overseas.

    一些來自海外的消息。

  • -Okay.

    -好吧

  • Never mind.

    不要緊。

  • -Some news from overseas. -[ Laughs ]

    -一些來自海外的消息。-[笑]

  • -North Korea has ordered a lockdown over concerns that

    -北朝鮮因擔心:

  • yellow dust from China could spread the coronavirus.

    來自中國的黃塵可能傳播冠狀病毒。

  • Kim Jong-Un made the announcement,

    金正恩宣佈了這一消息。

  • along with his infectious disease expert,

    與他的傳染病專家一起。

  • Dr. Kim Jong-Fauci.

    金正福博士。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • If the lockdown wasn't bad enough,

    如果封鎖還不夠糟糕的話。

  • Kim Jong-Un is now forcing everyone

    金正恩現在逼迫大家。

  • to do a Zoom happy hour.

    做一個Zoom的快樂時光。

  • [ Sighs ] Gosh.

    [嘆息]天哪。

  • If you think quarantine in America is bad,

    如果你覺得美國的檢疫很糟糕。

  • over in North Korea, the only thing they have on Netflix

    在北韓,唯一的東西 他們有Netflix的

  • is "Emily in Pyongyang."

    是 "艾米麗在平壤"。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -Nice one. -You can give me a thing.

    -很好-你可以給我一個東西

  • -I got it. -Yeah, yeah.

    -我知道了-是的,是的

  • It's just a mental -- it's a silent [imitates rimshot].

    這只是一個心理--這是一個無聲的[模仿邊緣射擊]。

  • -I got it. -It's alright.

    -我知道了-沒事的

  • [ Rimshot ] No, no. That's right.

    [Rimshot] 不,不。這是正確的。

  • That's hacky. I know. You don't want to do that.

    這是hacky。我知道 你不會想這麼做的 I know.你不會想這麼做的

  • -I take it back. -Yeah. Yeah.

    -我把它收回去.我收回 - 是的是啊,是啊

  • -[ Imitates reverse speaking ]

    -[模仿逆向說話]

  • -Oh, he took it back. -Yeah.

    -哦,他把它拿回去了.-是的

  • -Oh, my God. [ Applause ]

    -哦,我的上帝。[掌聲]

  • -He actually reversed himself.

    -他居然反悔了

  • He reversed himself. That was awesome.

    他反轉了自己。這是真棒。

  • [ Imitates reverse speaking ]

    [模仿逆向說話]

  • Hey, did you see last night the New York Giants

    嘿,你看到昨晚紐約巨人隊的比賽了嗎?

  • were playing...some team. -Who?

    在玩... 某個團隊-誰?

  • -[ Groaning ] -It doesn't matter, right?

    -沒關係,對吧?

  • The Philadelphia Eagles.

    費城老鷹隊。

  • -Yeah. [ Rimshot ]

    -是的。[Rimshot]

  • -And Giants quarterback Daniel Jones tried running

    巨人隊四分衛丹尼爾-瓊斯也嘗試過跑動

  • for an 88-yard touchdown.

    88碼的觸地得分。

  • Let's see how that went.

    讓我們看看結果如何。

  • -From the 12. Jones keeps.

    -從12點開始瓊斯保持。

  • Gets a block.

    得到一個區塊。

  • Takes off, and he is gone!

    騰空而起,他走了!

  • Trying to stay upright, and he trips!

    他想保持直立,然後就被絆倒了!

  • [ Gasping ] [ Rimshot ]

    [Gasping] [Rimshot]

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -That felt like re-watching

    -這感覺就像重看

  • the last season of "Game of Thrones."

    "權力的遊戲 "的最後一季。

  • Like, yes, yes...aw!

    就像,是的,是的......aw!

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Well, the holidays are coming up,

    好了,假期快到了。

  • and Southwest Airlines just made a big announcement

    和西南航空剛剛發佈了一個大消息

  • about their flights. Take a look.

    關於他們的班機。看看吧

  • -Southwest Airlines is dropping a pandemic policy

    -西南航空放棄了一項流行病政策

  • that provided more social distancing on flights.

    提供了更多班機上的社交距離。

  • It will no longer keep middle seats empty,

    它不會再讓中間的座位空著。

  • starting December 1st.

    從12月1日開始。

  • Southwest says air filtering and masks

    西南地區表示,空氣過濾和口罩

  • have created healthy environments aboard planes.

    營造了健康的機上環境。

  • -Come on. It's Southwest.

    -別這樣拜託,這是西南地區

  • The whole plane is a middle seat.

    整架飛機的中間位置。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • You actually don't have to worry,

    其實你不用擔心。

  • because even the coronavirus doesn't want anything to do

    因為即使是冠狀病毒也不想做任何事情。

  • with the middle seat on Southwest.

    與西南地區的中間座位。

  • The middle seat on Southwest.

    西南的中間位置。

  • I'd rather be on lockdown in North Korea.

    我寧願被關在北朝鮮。

  • Pretty sure the only in-flight entertainment they have

    很確定他們唯一的機上娛樂設施是什麼

  • on Southwest is "Emily in Pyongyang."

    在西南地區是 "艾米麗在平壤"。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • [ Scattered applause ]

    [零星的掌聲]

  • And finally, Guinness is about to unveil

    最後,吉尼斯即將推出以下產品

  • its newest product. Let's see what it is.

    其最新的產品。讓我們來看看它是什麼。

  • -Guinness launching its first-ever non-alcoholic beer.

    -吉尼斯推出其首款無酒精啤酒。

  • It's called Guinness Zero.

    它叫吉尼斯零度。

  • It took the company four years to re-create the same taste

    公司花了4年時間才重新打造出同樣的味道。

  • as its original stout without the alcohol.

    如同它原來的黑啤一樣,沒有酒精。

  • -If you order that in Ireland,

    -如果你在愛爾蘭點了這個

  • you're marched through town while everyone throws

    你在鎮上游行,而每個人都在拋出。

  • rotten vegetables at you.

    爛菜對著你。

  • "Shame, shame!"

    "慚愧,慚愧!"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Guinness without booze?

    沒有酒的吉尼斯?

  • Here's how Irish people are reacting.

    愛爾蘭人的反應是這樣的。

  • -Come on! -There you go.

    -來吧!-來吧!

-Thank you very much, everyone!

-非常感謝大家!

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小唐納德-特朗普在福克斯新聞採訪中有點太激動了|《今夜秀》。 (Donald Trump Jr. Gets a Little Too Excited in Fox News Interview | The Tonight Show)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2020 年 10 月 24 日
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