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自動翻譯
  • - [Man Offscreen] Someone speaks.

    - 有人說話了

  • (all laughing)

    (所有的笑)

  • - All right, Food Diaries take one mark

    - 好吧,食物日記拿1分

  • - Hey I'm Tiffany Haddish and this is

    - 嘿,我是蒂芙尼-哈迪什,這是。

  • everything I eat in a day.

    我一天吃的所有東西。

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

  • Do you really want to know

    你真的想知道嗎?

  • the first thing I do when I wake up?

    我醒來的第一件事是什麼?

  • Usually I stretch, I look at my hands,

    通常我拉伸,我看我的手。

  • and I say, "Oh I made it to another day.

    我說:"哦,我熬到了另一天。

  • "New chance for new beginnings," and then I pass gas.

    "新的機會,新的開始",然後我傳氣。

  • Then I'm like, "What am I gonna eat?"

    然後我就想,"我要吃什麼?"

  • And that's when I head to the kitchen.

    這時我就去廚房了。

  • And I open the refrigerator, I look inside,

    我打開冰箱,我看了看裡面。

  • I close it, and I go, "Why I don't have no food?"

    我關上它,然後我走了,"為什麼我沒有食物?"

  • Then I go to the cabinets and I open that up,

    然後我去櫃子裡把它打開。

  • and I close them and I go, "Why I don't have no food?"

    我關上它們,我走了,"為什麼我沒有食物?"

  • Then I go back to the refrigerator and I open it up again.

    然後我又回到冰箱裡,我又把它打開。

  • I say, "I got some food, look at that.

    我說:"我有吃的,你看。

  • (ding)

  • "There goes some chicken from last night."

    "昨晚的雞肉來了。"

  • I go ahead, I put that in a little pan,

    我去,我把它放在一個小鍋裡。

  • I warm that up in the oven, Boop bada bink.

    我把它放在爐子裡熱一下,Boombada bink。

  • While it's in the oven warming up,

    當它在烤箱裡熱起來的時候,

  • I'm like, "I probably should wash my ass."

    我想,"我可能應該洗我的屁股。"

  • Then I go ahead and I go take a shower

    然後我就去洗澡了

  • while that's in the oven 'cause you know

    而這是在烤箱中,因為你知道的。

  • it take a long time to heat stuff up in the oven.

    它需要很長的時間來加熱的東西在烤箱。

  • That's about fifteen minutes.

    大約十五分鐘。

  • I only need five minutes to wash this ass.

    我只需要5分鐘就能把這個屁股洗乾淨。

  • It's a big ass, but not that much ass.

    雖然屁股大,但也沒那麼大的屁股。

  • So then I take that showers,

    所以,然後我把那個淋浴。

  • then I got my towel wrapped around me.

    然後我就把毛巾裹在了身上。

  • I said, "Oop, what's that smell?

    我說:"哎呀,這是什麼味道?

  • (sniffs) "What's that smell?"

    (嗅) "那是什麼味道?"

  • That's the chicken from last night that I put in the oven.

    這是我昨晚放進烤箱的雞肉。

  • But I go ahead and put my mitts on.

    但我還是要去把我的手套戴上。

  • You gotta put your oven mitts on.

    你得把你的烤箱手套上。

  • Mind you I'm in a towel, okay?

    提醒你,我是在毛巾裡,好嗎?

  • Sexy!

    性感!

  • And I pull out my 'lil chicken.

    我拿出我的 "小雞"。

  • Then I go to my grill and say,

    然後我去我的烤架前說。

  • "dang I need some vegetables."

    "當我需要一些蔬菜。"

  • So then I go out to the garden, right,

    所以,然後我就去了花園,對吧。

  • I go into the back into the garden,

    我到後面的花園裡去。

  • I got strawberries back there, I got some kale back there,

    我得到了草莓回到那裡, 我得到了一些甘藍回到那裡。

  • I got some chard, you know, celerys.

    我有一些芥菜,你知道的,塞勒里斯。

  • So then I eat the strawberries,

    所以我就把草莓吃了。

  • right the dirt, right out the dirt.

    右邊的土,右邊的土。

  • They dirty and I eat them just like that.

    它們髒了,我就這樣吃了。

  • Then I break off some of the kale,

    然後,我掰下一些甘藍。

  • break off some of the chard, break off some of the celery,

    斷掉一些小菜,斷掉一些芹菜。

  • and then I put that through my little juicer,

    然後我把它通過我的小果汁機。

  • and then I drink that, and that's breakfast.

    然後我喝了,這就是早餐。

  • (crowd cheering)

    (人群歡呼)

  • Mostly, I drink tea.

    我主要是喝茶。

  • I love it, especially in the morning

    我喜歡它,尤其是在早上

  • if I got like extra time or...

    如果我有像額外的時間或... ...

  • if I'm out of town.

    如果我不在城裡

  • A lot of times I'm in hotel rooms,

    很多時候我都是在酒店房間裡。

  • so I'll drink turmeric and ginger tea

    那我就喝薑黃薑茶吧

  • first thing in the morning.

    一大早就來了

  • That's when I'm in a hotel room because

    那是我在酒店房間裡的時候,因為... ...

  • usually there is no refrigerator.

    通常沒有冰箱。

  • So then you have to call like room service

    那你就得叫客房服務了

  • or you gotta be like,

    或者你得像。

  • "Hey guys make sure I got some scrambled eggs,

    "嘿,夥計們一定要給我買點炒雞蛋。

  • an avocado, and tomatoes,

    一個牛油果,和西紅柿。

  • and a hamburger patty.

    和一個漢堡包餅。

  • Okay, so,

    好吧,那麼。

  • am I a exerciser?

    我是一個鍛鍊者嗎?

  • They ask me this, people ask me this all the time.

    他們問我這個,人們一直在問我這個。

  • "Tiffany, what are you doing to

    "蒂芙尼,你在做什麼

  • "maintain that fantastic body."

    "保持那美妙的身體。"

  • And I have to tell them the truth.

    而我必須告訴他們真相。

  • Not a damn thing.

    什麼都沒有

  • Look, I like to work out in groups,

    你看,我喜歡在團體中鍛鍊。

  • when don't nobody be looking at me,

    當沒有人看我。

  • but I most prefer, I perfer to do like...

    但我更喜歡,我寧願做喜歡... ...

  • stairs,

    樓梯。

  • like if I'm in a tall building I like to

    如果我在高樓裡,我喜歡

  • go up and down the stairs.

    上下樓。

  • I like to do the baby shark ab challenge.

    我喜歡做小鯊魚ab挑戰。

  • Dun na da na da na da na da na

    Dun na da da da da da da da da da da da da da da na da

  • dadadada

    ♪ dadadada ♪

  • Baby Shark dudududu. ♪

    鯊魚寶寶dudududu。

  • Typical lunch for me would be like a salad or,

    對我來說,典型的午餐是像沙拉或。

  • if I'm in a place that's cold, like back east,

    如果我在一個寒冷的地方,比如東部,

  • I'd want a pastrami sandwich.

    我想要一個薰牛肉三明治。

  • Like I want some pastrami, I want lentil bean soup,

    比如我想吃薰牛肉,我想喝扁豆湯。

  • or chicken soup.

    或雞湯。

  • Today I was craving some fish.

    今天我很想吃魚。

  • I was really craving some red snapper fried

    我很想吃炸紅鯛魚啊

  • from Mel's Fish Shack.

    從梅爾的魚棚。

  • I'm known to pop up there often.

    我經常出現在那裡。

  • That's one of my favorite places, Mel's Fish Shack.

    這是我最喜歡的地方之一,梅爾的魚棚。

  • Yeah I Postmates them, sometimes I call the owner

    是的,我給他們發郵件,有時也會給老闆打電話。

  • and be like, "My brother coming to

    並像,"我的兄弟來

  • "pick that up at this time, make sure it's hot."

    "這個時候拿起來,確保它的熱度。"

  • For snacks throughout the day,

    用於全天的零食。

  • I'm eating sometimes Red Vines,

    我有時在吃紅藤。

  • sometimes a sip of 5-hour Energy drink.

    有時喝一口5小時的能量飲料。

  • I only take like thirty minutes.

    我只需要三十分鐘

  • It would probably be like just a

    它可能會像只是一個

  • (slurps)

    (嘖嘖)

  • Now that's enough, 'cause you know

    現在,這就夠了,因為你知道

  • it don't much for me to go, so when I do do it's like,

    它不怎麼為我去,所以當我這樣做,它就像,

  • if I drank a whole one,

    如果我喝了一整個。

  • I'd get on my damn nerves.

    我會讓我該死的神經。

  • Almonds,

    杏仁。

  • apples,

    蘋果。

  • oranges,

    橙子。

  • nectarines,

    油桃。

  • ooh dried apricots.

    哦,杏幹。

  • That's my go to, if you get the dried apricots right?

    這是我的去處,如果你買到杏幹對嗎?

  • You get the bag of dried apricots

    你得到一袋杏幹。

  • and then you pour almonds in there, right?

    然後你把杏仁倒在那裡,對嗎?

  • You pour the almonds in the bag of dried apricots.

    你把杏仁倒在杏乾的袋子裡。

  • Now you shake that up.

    現在你把它搖起來。

  • Now you got your own special trail mix.

    現在,你有了自己的特殊線索組合。

  • Now this is the best thing in the world.

    現在這是世界上最好的事情。

  • I don't know why they don't sell

    我不知道為什麼他們不賣。

  • dried apricots and almonds together as one.

    杏乾和杏仁合為一體。

  • They should do that.

    他們應該這樣做。

  • You know what?

    你知道嗎?

  • Imma do it, Imma call it Tiffnicity Mix.

    我做,我叫它Tiffnicity混合。

  • That's a good snack.

    這是一個很好的小吃。

  • I keep that in the car it's always in the glove compartment.

    我把它放在車裡,它總是在手套箱裡。

  • That, and Fruit by the Foot.

    這一點,和腳邊的水果。

  • That's in case I meet a man.

    以防萬一我遇到一個男人。

  • (ding)

  • Usually dinner is like, I like steaks.

    平時吃飯都是喜歡,我喜歡吃牛排。

  • I love steaks.

    我喜歡牛排。

  • (laughs)

    (笑)

  • I like lobsters.

    我喜歡龍蝦。

  • You know I'm just saying all the expensive stuff right now.

    你知道我現在只是在說所有昂貴的東西。

  • I'm saying all the expensive stuff right now

    我說的是現在所有昂貴的東西。

  • in case any mans is out there that

    以防萬一

  • want to take me out to dinner.

    想帶我出去吃飯。

  • Also, oh I love to have like

    還有,哦,我喜歡有喜歡

  • chicken and dumplings for dinner.

    晚飯吃的是雞肉和餃子。

  • Chicken is a main thing I think in my diet.

    在我的飲食中,雞肉是我認為最主要的東西。

  • I sometimes I try to eat lamb, but I just,

    我有時想吃羊肉,但我只是。

  • I don't have, I'm not that sophisticated.

    我沒有,我沒有那麼複雜。

  • I just, I can't, it bothers me.

    我只是,我不能,它困擾著我。

  • I think about Mary and I say,

    我想到了瑪麗,我說。

  • "dang she had a little lamb," and then it just goes

    "當她有一個小羊羔,"然後它只是去。

  • into a whole thing and I can't, I can't finish the lamb.

    變成一個整體的東西,我不能,我不能完成的羊肉。

  • And it's also tastes a little bit like musty armpit to me.

    而且我覺得它的味道還有點像黴菌的腋窩。

  • And I know some of y'all are probably saying,

    我知道你們中的一些人可能會說:

  • "Tiffany, how do you know what musty armpit taste like?"

    "蒂芙尼,你怎麼知道腋下的黴味是什麼味道?"

  • I've been, I've dated.

    我去過,我約會過。

  • (laughs)

    (笑)

  • And y'all know I ain't lying.

    你們都知道我沒有說謊。

  • Y'all know I ain't lying.

    你們都知道我沒有說謊。

  • Anyone who knows me, knows that my

    認識我的人都知道,我的

  • alcoholic beverage of choice is vodka.

    酒精飲料的選擇是伏特加。

  • Vodka is my favorite thing to drink,

    伏特加是我最喜歡喝的東西。

  • it is pretty much the only thing I'll drink.

    這幾乎是我唯一會喝的東西。

  • Occasionally, I will dip off into a little wine

    偶爾,我也會喝一點酒

  • or a sangria, which is basically wine with fruit

    桑格利亞酒

  • because I love fruit, and then wine is nothing

    因為我喜歡水果,然後酒就什麼都不是了

  • but fruit juice that's been sitting for a while.

    但水果汁,已經放置了一段時間。

  • But I prefer

    但我更喜歡

  • vodka.

    伏特加。

  • You know people ask me,

    你知道有人問我。

  • "Tiffany, do you ever get hangry?"

    "蒂芙尼,你有沒有覺得餓?"

  • (laughs)

    (笑)

  • Yes.

    是的,我知道

  • I turn into a different person when I'm hungry.

    餓的時候我就會變成另外一個人。

  • It's not my fault, either.

    這也不是我的錯。

  • I'm a nice person, but it's the parasites inside of me.

    我是個好人,但這是我體內的寄生蟲。

  • When they are hungry, and they don't eat,

    當他們餓的時候,他們又不吃。

  • they take over my mind and I'm pretty mean to everybody.

    他們控制了我的思想,我對每個人都很刻薄。

  • I don't mean to be, though.

    我不是故意的,雖然。

  • They just need to know that, she's hangry.

    他們只需要知道,她的肚子餓了。

  • Give her a snack, give her apricot

    給她吃點零食,給她吃點杏子

  • with the almond in the middle.

    與杏仁在中間。

  • She'll be all right.

    她會沒事的

  • Ooh, oh my other favorite snack!

    哦,哦,我最喜歡的另一種零食!

  • I just thought my other favorite.

    我只是覺得我的另一個最愛。

  • Oh I'm sorry.

    哦,我很抱歉。

  • You know I'm a big foodie, like this my thing okay.

    你知道我是個大吃貨,這是我的事好嗎。

  • - [Women Offscreen] This is like the best

    - 這就像最棒的一樣

  • - Hold up.

    - 等一下

  • I love food.

    我喜歡食物

  • That's why I became a comedian,

    這就是為什麼我成為一個喜劇演員。

  • so if I get fat nobody can't say nothing 'cause I'm a comic.

    所以如果我變胖了,沒有人可以說什麼,因為我是一個漫畫家。

  • I can give fat ass comedian.

    我可以給胖屁股喜劇演員。

  • Okay so my other favorite, most favorite snack

    好吧,所以我的另一個最喜歡的, 最喜歡的小吃,

  • I forgot to tell you about, is pickles.

    我忘了告訴你,是泡菜。

  • I love a good dill pickle...

    我喜歡蒔蘿泡菜... ...

  • the big ones that they sell in the big jars,

    他們賣的大罐子。

  • and then you get those right?

    然後你得到這些權利?

  • And you eat the top part off,

    然後你把上面的部分吃掉。

  • you take a bite off the top part,

    你咬了一口上面的部分。

  • and then you put a Now Later or a Jolly Rancher

    然後你把一個現在以後或Jolly Rancher。

  • or

  • a peppermint in the middle.

    在中間的薄荷。

  • (shouts)

    (喊聲)

  • When I tell you!

    當我告訴你!

  • Delicious flavors to savor!

    美味的味道,讓人回味無窮!

  • So damn good. (gasps)

    真他媽好。(喘氣)

  • Okay when I was a kid, not even when I was a kid,

    好吧,當我還是個孩子的時候,甚至不是當我還是個孩子的時候。

  • last week I let her get the pickle

    上週我讓她吃了泡菜

  • and then dip it in Kool-Aid powder.

    然後再蘸上酷愛粉。

  • (gasps)

    (喘氣)

  • Now that sounds like diabetes, but imma tell you.

    現在,這聽起來像糖尿病, 但我告訴你。

  • It feels like success.

    這感覺就像成功。

  • Who done turn me on?

    誰讓我興奮的?

  • Y'all turning me on getting me talking

    你們都讓我興奮,讓我說話

  • about my favorite things to eat!

    關於我最喜歡吃的東西!

  • Shoot!

    射!

  • You know what else I love?

    你知道我還喜歡什麼嗎?

  • When the ice cream truck come up.

    當冰激凌車出現的時候

  • When the ice cream truck come,

    當冰激凌車來。

  • and its like one of them really ghetto ice cream trucks,

    它就像其中的一個 真正的貧民窟冰淇淋卡車。

  • and then you get the bag of Doritos,

    然後你會得到一袋多力多滋。

  • and you buy a bag of Fritos,

    你買一袋Fritos。

  • and you mix those two chips together,

    你把這兩個芯片混合在一起。

  • and then you tell her put two scoops of chili

    然後你告訴她,放兩勺辣椒。

  • inside that bag, and then the cheese on top.

    在那個袋子裡,然後在上面放上奶酪。

  • (gasps) And with the jalapenos?

    (喘氣)和墨西哥辣椒?

  • And then you get the little plastic spork.

    然後你會得到小塑膠叉。

  • Not even a fork, it's a spork.

    連叉子都不是,是叉子。

  • (moans)

    (呻吟)

  • On everything.

    所有的事情。

  • That's that good life.

    就是這樣的美好生活。

  • That's that good, don't get me started on food.

    就這麼好,別讓我開始吃了。

  • (moans)

    (呻吟)

  • - [Woman Offscreen] All right

    - 好的

  • Cucumbers.

    黃瓜。

  • Cu. Cum. Bers.

    銅。Cum.Bers.

  • Cucumbers and tomatoes, cut up together right?

    黃瓜和西紅柿,一起切了吧?

  • And then you add a little bit of apple cider vinegar,

    然後你再加一點蘋果醋。

  • some Lawry's seasoning salt, some garlic seasoning salt,

    一些勞瑞的調料鹽,一些大蒜調料鹽。

  • and some, and some black pepper.

    和一些,還有一些黑胡椒。

  • Okay what else?

    好吧,還有什麼?

  • - [Man Offscreen] We're okay - You sure?

    - 我們沒事 你確定?

  • 'Cause I got more things I can talk about.

    因為我有更多的事情可以談。

  • When it come to food. (offscreen laughing)

    當它來到食物。(螢幕外的笑聲)

  • 'Cause you know what else I love?

    因為你知道我還喜歡什麼嗎?

  • Ain't nothing like some good corn beef and cabbage.

    玉米牛肉和捲心菜最好吃了

  • Now I can give you the full recipe,

    現在我可以給你完整的配方了。

  • but we don't got time for that.

    但我們沒有時間了。

  • They wrappin- They trying to wrap me up.

    他們把... 他們想把我包起來。