Dude, why even bother? I might as well just study.

兄弟，幹嘛擔心這個？我還是讀書實在。

The school plan on testing and contact tracing is not very clear.

學校對檢驗和接觸追蹤的計畫不是很明確。

However, they did give me a mini bottle of hand sanitizer, as well as a mask with the school logo on it, so I think it's safe to say they're pretty serious about this.

但他們確實有給我一罐迷你乾洗手，和一個印著校徽的口罩，所以我想他們應該蠻認真看待這件事的。

What did I do over the summer?

這個夏天我做了什麼？

I kept it pretty simple.

我過得蠻簡單的。

I mean, I made a me-shaped indent in my bed, walked between my room and the kitchen several times just to get some exercise.

我的意思是，我在床上壓了一個我的凹痕，還在房間跟廚房之間走了幾回，就為了運動一下。

I averaged about 89 steps a day.

我一天走大概 89 步。

I even went to Wegmans a few times, which was really exciting.

我還去過 Wegmans 幾次，超級令人興奮的。

All right, I got my keys, wallet, laptop, ready to go to class.

好了，鑰匙、皮夾、筆電都帶了，準備好去上課了。

And I nearly forgot my mask.

差點忘記我的口罩。

Haha, not today, Satan.

哈！我的死期未到，撒旦老兄。

We went over the syllabus today in class, I think.

我們今天上課在講課程大綱...大概吧。

I'm not really sure, because it was really hard to understand the professor through the mask and the face shield and the plexiglass barrier.

我不太確定，因為教授隔著口罩、防護面罩跟樹脂玻璃隔板說話，真的很難聽懂。

Hopefully, she never tells us anything we need to understand.

幸好，她從來沒有告訴我們任何需要了解的東西。

I couldn't focus at all in class today 'cause the guy sitting next to me had his nose sticking out of his mask.

我今天完全無法專注在課堂上，因為坐在我旁邊的人把鼻子露在口罩外面。

He might as well have been there with his dingle hanging out, that's how distracting it was.

他可能連他的人中都外露了，你就知道有多令人分心了。

Dang, all my classes are on Zoom, and I'm still late every day.

該死，我所有的課都在 Zoom 上，但我還是天天遲到。

The dating scene here isn't so hot.

這裡的約會打得不是那麼火熱。

The most action I've gotten is when the nurse shoved the swab up my nose to test for COVID.

我最常被對待的方式是護理師用棉花棒塞進我的鼻子，就為了化驗冠狀病毒。

It was like she was trying to swab my brain.

那感覺像是她想把棉花棒插進我的腦袋。

You might say it was an intimate experience.

你可能會說這是一個很親密的經歷...

I met this girl at the student union building today.

今天我在學生會大樓遇到了這個女生。

She was super cute.

她超級可愛。

At least from here up, I mean, that's the thing about masks.

至少上半部是這樣啦，我是說，因為她戴著口罩。

You could be chatting up this girl you think is an eight, underneath the mask, turns out she's a four.

你可能以為你正在跟一個 8 分的女孩聊天，但口罩底下，她只有 4 分。

Wait, where did you say you were from?

等等，你說你是從哪來的？

[Man Offscreen] Florida.

[螢幕外的男子] 佛羅里達。

Oh (beep), I gotta go, sorry.

喔 X，我要閃人了，抱歉。

Uh...

痾...

Bye.

掰。

I gotta figure out a way that I can build, like, a plastic bubble for me to live in, because this campus is disgusting.

我要想出一個可以讓我打造類似塑膠泡泡，讓我能住在裡面的方法，因為這個校園超噁。

On my way to my 9:00 AM class, I saw this chick puke in a trash can.

在我要去上早九課的路上，我看到一位辣妹在垃圾桶裡吐了。

She couldn't get her mask off in time.

她來不及把口罩拿下來。

I still see it when I close my eyes.

我閉眼的時候還是能看到那個畫面。

This is, like, the worst time ever to be a Drama major.

這是最不適合讀戲劇系的一段時間了。

Like, who wants to see a socially distanced "Romeo and Juliet"?

就是...誰會想看保持社交距離的《羅密歐與茱麗葉》？

Instead of kissing, they just bump elbows.

他們不是親吻，而是碰手肘欸。

It's not even textually supported.

這樣甚至跟文本不符合。

Plus, in this day and age, it's gonna be so much harder to get the job that this degree is preparing me for: waiting tables.

再加上，如今要找工作變得更困難，這個學位為我準備的工作只有：服務生。

I'd love to hang out with you guys, but what's the distance situation looking like tonight?

我很想跟你們出去，但今晚的社交距離狀況會是怎麼樣的？

Is it gonna be six feet apart, or is it gonna be, like, clearly within arm's length of each other?

是會相距六英呎嗎，還是相距一臂之內？

Like, would we be able to pee on each other?

我們能夠互相撒尿嗎？

I'm not saying I want to do that, I just read somewhere, that's kind of a way that you can judge are you far enough apart.

我不是說我想這麼做，我只是從某個地方看到，這是一種能夠評斷是否相距夠遠的方法。

Yeah, I know it's disgusting, I didn't make it up.

我知道這很噁心，但這不是我捏造的。

I know, I was just drinking beer by myself in my room last night, but I'm still worried that this might be COVID and not a hangover.

我知道我昨晚是一個人在房間喝啤酒，但我還是很擔心我這可能是冠狀病毒，而不是宿醉。

I mean, headache, fatigue? This could be it, man.

我是說，頭痛跟疲憊欸，很有可能吧！

I've got so much left to give.

我還有很多能夠付出的。

Hey, this isn't one of those COVID parties, is it?

嘿，這應該不是冠狀病毒派對，對吧？

This is exactly how I pictured the best four years of my life.

這正是我對人生中，最棒的四年的想像。

Yeah, woohoo.

耶...嗚呼...

College.

大學。

(phone dings)

[電話鈴聲]

And the rest of the semester has just been canceled.

剩下的學期剛剛被取消了。

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[謝謝觀看，請訂閱以觀看更多影片。]