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  • - Give us a clap there boy!

    - 給我們鼓掌吧,孩子!

  • (laughing) (upbeat music)

    (笑) (歡快的音樂)

  • Do you date a lot?

    你經常約會嗎?

  • You date a lot.

    你經常約會。

  • - I like it.

    - 我喜歡它。

  • Well, no, I don't like it at all.

    嗯,不,我一點也不喜歡。

  • But I like the idea of it.

    但我喜歡這個想法。

  • - Tell me about your first date

    - 告訴我你的第一次約會

  • horror story. - Okay, so,

    恐怖故事。- 好吧,那麼。

  • you've heard of The League, right?

    你聽說過 "聯盟 "吧?

  • The app?

    這個應用?

  • - Duh, it's only the most bougie dating app.

    - 咄,這才是最牛逼的交友應用。

  • - No, I mean, they let in anyone.

    - 不,我是說,他們讓任何人進來。

  • Let's be real. - No, they don't.

    說實話吧- 不,他們沒有。

  • I know people that are still on the waiting list for it.

    我知道有人還在等待它的名單上。

  • - Oh, I'm sorry for them.

    - 哦,我為他們感到難過。

  • Yeah, I found this one guy on the app,

    是的,我在應用上找到了這個人。

  • and he was cute.

    他很可愛。

  • We went to coffee,

    我們去喝咖啡了。

  • and he bought me my drink which was super sweet.

    他給我買了我的飲料 這是超級甜蜜。

  • It's like fine.

    這就像罰款。

  • I don't know if it's instant chemistry,

    我不知道這是不是瞬間的化學反應。

  • but-- - It never is.

    但是...

  • - It's perfectly pleasant.

    - 這是非常愉快的。

  • He tells me that he went into grad school in Germany.

    他告訴我,他在德國考上了研究所學生。

  • And I'm like, "Oh that's super cool.

    我想,"哦,那是超級酷。

  • "Do you speak German?"

    "你會說德語嗎?"

  • And he was like, "Oh, yeah, I speak German."

    他說,"哦,是的,我說德語。"

  • And I'm like, oh, that's pretty attractive.

    我想,哦,那是相當有吸引力的。

  • If you speak a European language,

    如果你會說歐洲語言。

  • that's-- - That's (bleeping) hot.

    那是... ... - 那是熱的。

  • Whatever.

    管他呢

  • - He looks at me and says-- - As long as he's not a Nazi.

    - 他看著我說---只要他不是納粹。

  • Oh no, is he a Nazi? (record scratching)

    哦,不,他是一個納粹?(記錄劃痕)

  • - So-- - Did I just kill

    - 我剛剛是不是殺了

  • the punch line?

    妙語連珠?

  • (laughing) I'm so sorry.

    (笑)我很抱歉。

  • - It's okay.

    - 沒事的

  • He looked at me and he's like, "Are you Jewish?"

    他看著我,他說,"你是猶太人嗎?"

  • (ominous music) - Oh no!

    哦,不!

  • - So at this point I knew that this was gonna go

    - 所以,在這一點上,我知道這是要去。

  • in not a great direction.

    在不是很大的方向。

  • But I was like, "Yes, I am."

    但我當時想,"是的,我是。"

  • To which he replied,

    他回答說:

  • "Are you gonna be one of those guys

    "你會成為那些人中的一員嗎?

  • "who ask me to role play as a Nazi?"

    "誰讓我扮演納粹?"

  • (ominous music)

    (不祥的音樂)

  • And I was a little appalled by that.

    而我對此有些驚駭。

  • (chuckles) It was not at all what I was expecting.

    和我想象的完全不一樣。

  • I look at him and I'm just like,

    我看著他,我只是喜歡。

  • "Excuse me?"

    "對不起?"

  • And he's like,

    而他就像。

  • if you need to work out your trauma on me or whatever.

    如果你需要在我身上解決你的創傷或什麼的,

  • - Holy (bleeping).

    - 聖(嗶)。

  • - It just went from

    - 它只是從

  • zero to 100-- - Like real quick.

    從0到100...

  • - I think I was just like,

    - 我想我只是喜歡。

  • "Wow, that's really (bleeping) offensive."

    "哇,這真是(嗶嗶)令人反感。"

  • - You said that? - Yeah.

    - 你說的?- 你說過?

  • (laughing) - (bleep) yeah!

    是啊!

  • - I just had so many questions.

    - 我只是有這麼多的問題。

  • Is this something that a lot of guys are interested in?

    這是很多男生都感興趣的事情嗎?

  • And if they are, fine.

    如果他們是,很好。

  • That's not me, but maybe don't assume that?

    那不是我,但也許不要假設?

  • - Just because you're Jewish? - Yes!

    - 就因為你是猶太人?- 就因為你是猶太人?

  • Like I guess this is a trope that I was unfamiliar with.

    就像我想這是我不熟悉的一個套路。

  • - I don't think it is.

    - 我不認為它是。

  • I think that was a very specific case.

    我想這是一個很特殊的情況。

  • (laughing)

    (笑)

  • - It took us to a level that I was not chill with.

    - 它把我們帶到了一個我不感冒的程度。

  • - No, #notchill.

    - 不,#不寒而慄。

  • - And then we never spoke again.

    - 然後我們就再也沒有說過話。

  • - Imagine that.

    - 想象一下

  • His loss.

    他的損失。

  • Isn't that what you do? (laughing)

    你不就是做這個的嗎?(笑)

  • - I want to hear about your horror story that--

    - 我想聽聽你的恐怖故事... I want to hear about your horror story that...

  • - Oh God, mine's just a a disaster.

    - 哦,天哪,我的只是一個災難。

  • (laughing) It's not

    (笑)這不是

  • super offensive.

    超強的攻擊性。

  • It's just bad.

    這只是壞。

  • This was when I was only dating men for a period of time.

    這時我只和男人約會了一段時間。

  • Mistake number one.

    錯誤一:

  • He picks me up from my apartment

    他到我的公寓來接我

  • on a motorcycle

    騎摩托車

  • (motorcycle rumbles) and doesn't tell me.

    (摩托車隆隆聲)卻不告訴我。

  • And I was wearing a dress.

    而我當時穿的是裙子。

  • And I was like, okay maybe he just...

    我當時想,好吧,也許他只是... ...

  • went over his head that he forgot to mention

    他忘了說

  • that he was picking me up on a motorcycle.

    他騎著摩托車來接我。

  • But then didn't have a second helmet.

    但後來沒有第二個頭盔。

  • - No, shut it down. - And didn't offer his to me.

    - 不,把它關了。- 也沒把他的給我。

  • And I was like,

    我當時就想。

  • looked so awkward, this girl in a dress

    看起來很尷尬,這個女孩穿著禮服

  • with my hair all down,

    我的頭髮都掉下來了

  • and on the back of this (bleeping) motorcycle.

    而在這輛(嗶嗶)摩托車的後面。

  • So we take a drive down to, do you remember Kabuki?

    所以我們開車去,你還記得歌舞伎嗎?

  • So we go there.

    所以我們去那裡。

  • And he's talking a lot about himself.

    而且他說了很多關於自己的事情。

  • I'm just waiting patiently for him to finish,

    我只是耐心地等他說完。

  • and he doesn't, he just keeps going and going.

    而他沒有,他只是不停地去,去。

  • And I actually had to be like,

    而我其實不得不像。

  • (toilet flushing) I gotta pee, be right back,

    我得去尿尿,馬上回來。

  • to get him to stop talking for a minute.

    讓他停止說話一分鐘。

  • - That's a good strategy. - Yeah.

    - 這是一個很好的策略。- 對啊

  • And I go in the bathroom and text my friends.

    然後我去洗手間給我的朋友發短信。

  • And I'm like, he's cute and rides a motorcycle, oh my God.

    我想,他的可愛和騎摩托車, 哦,我的上帝。

  • But he won't shut the (bleep) up.

    但他不會閉嘴的(嗶)。

  • (laughing) So I go back to the seat,

    (笑)於是我回到座位上。

  • and we're talking, we're talking.

    我們正在談論,我們正在談論。

  • And I'm like, okay.

    我很喜歡,好吧。

  • He's like, do you want dessert?

    他說,你想吃甜點嗎?

  • And I was like, no let's wrap this up

    我當時想,不,讓我們把這個包起來。

  • 'cause he's clearly not interested in me at all.

    "因為他顯然對我不感興趣。

  • And then he asks,

    然後他問道。

  • do I want any cocaine.

    我想要任何可卡因。

  • (record scratches)

    (記錄劃痕)

  • - That's so generous of him.

    - 他真是太慷慨了

  • (laughing)

    (笑)

  • - Just instead of dessert, how 'bout a little blow?

    - 只是代替甜點,如何'回合一個小打擊?

  • And-- - It's basically like

    基本上就像...

  • powdered sugar.

    糖粉。

  • - Yeah, basically, right.

    - 是的,基本上是這樣的

  • And all the dots started connecting.

    所有的點都開始連接起來。

  • I was like, oh that's why I literally haven't spoken once

    我當時想,哦,這就是為什麼我從字面上沒有說過一次。

  • this entire date.

    這整個日期。

  • And so he had it in his wallet,

    於是他把它放在錢包裡。

  • and I immediately was like, oh, my friend just texted me.

    我立刻就像,哦,我的朋友只是發短信給我。

  • I'm going to go meet them down the street.

    我去街上找他們。

  • And he was like, let me take you.

    他說,讓我來帶你。

  • And I was like, no!

    我當時想,不!

  • (laughing) Don't follow me.

    (笑)不要跟著我。

  • Don't come near me.

    不要靠近我

  • - Please leave forever. - And the worst part about it

    - 請永遠離開。- 而最糟糕的是

  • is that after all of that, I still paid for my half.

    是在所有這些之後,我還是支付了我的一半。

  • - No!

    - 不!

  • - 'Cause I was at a point where I was like,

    - 因為我在一個點上,我很喜歡,

  • I just want to get away from this man

    我只想離開這個男人

  • with mountains of cocaine on him,

    他身上有成山的可卡因。

  • and leave the restaurant.

    並離開餐廳。

  • And I'll do anything, pay anything

    我願意做任何事,付出任何代價

  • to like-- - Yes.

    喜歡...

  • - This was a situation where I was like,

    - 這種情況下,我很喜歡。

  • hey, this was fun, but I think we're

    嘿,這是有趣的,但我認為我們是。

  • more good as friends.

    更是好朋友。

  • Six months later, he gets arrested,

    六個月後,他被捕了。

  • and is in jail still to this day.

    並至今仍在獄中。

  • - You know what, you dodged a bullet.

    - 你知道嗎,你躲過了一顆子彈。

  • - Yes, and who knows what slippery slope

    - 是的,誰知道會有什麼滑坡呢?

  • that could of led to if I would have let his good looks

    這可能會導致 如果我讓他的長相。

  • and motorcycle blind my good judgment.

    和摩托車盲目我的良好判斷。

  • - Yeah.

    - 是啊。

  • - But he was (bleeping) hot.

    - 但他很(嗶)熱。

  • That was one of my first dating experiences in LA.

    那是我在洛杉磯的第一次約會經歷。

  • So I was like, well,

    所以我當時想,好吧。

  • I feel like I got the worst out of the way.

    我覺得自己已經把最壞的情況解決了。

  • (laughing) - It's almost like

    這幾乎就像。

  • a very LA story, though.

    一個非常洛杉磯的故事,雖然。

  • - Yeah, but you know what?

    - 是的,但你知道嗎?

  • Truth be told, I've never had an experience

    說實話,我從來沒有經歷過。

  • as dangerous as that, but they've all been pretty shitty.

    雖然很危險,但他們都很低劣。

  • - So do you have a first date horror story?

    - 那麼你有第一次約會的恐怖故事嗎?

  • - Please, if you do, leave it in the comments below,

    - 如果有的話,請在下方留言。

  • because we don't want to feel so bad

    因為我們不想讓自己感覺如此糟糕

  • about our lives. - No, please make us

    關於我們的生活。- 不,請讓我們

  • feel better about ourselves.

    自我感覺良好。

  • - And subscribe to this channel,

    - 並訂閱這個頻道。

  • if you're not subscribed.

    如果你沒有訂閱。

  • - Please, yes.

    - 拜託,是的。

  • Do it. - Do people say that?

    做到這一點。- 人們會這麼說嗎?

  • Have we ever done that in videos?

    我們在視頻中做過嗎?

  • Subscribe. - Subscribe!

    訂閱。- 訂閱!

  • We're YouTubers. - We're YouTubers now.

    我們是YouTubers。- 我們現在是YouTubers。

  • We're vloggers.

    我們是vloggers。

  • (laughing)

    (笑)

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

- Give us a clap there boy!

- 給我們鼓掌吧,孩子!

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Worst First Date Stories

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    Summer 發佈於 2020 年 08 月 18 日
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