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Some news stories help us understand the world we live in,
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and some new stories are just stupid.
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For those, we turn to Ronny Chieng.
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-♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause)
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Thanks, Trevor.
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At this point, I think we can all agree
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that the Internet is basically giving us all brain damage.
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Okay? Social media is constantly bombarding us
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with information we don't care about,
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like what my friend ate for breakfast
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or what my mom's watching on TV
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and when my wife had our baby.
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(groans) Okay, the point is
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social media's destroying everything.
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Just look at this guy who went viral
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for the dumbest thing possible.
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NEWSWOMAN: Carson King thought he'd get a few laughs.
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Just kind of thought it's a joke.
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NEWSWOMAN: And maybe even a few bucks
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on ESPN's College GameDay
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with this sign asking for beer money
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along with his actual Venmo account.
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The money started pouring in.
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I had people from Texas, Idaho,
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California, Massachusetts.
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NEWSMAN: All told, King raised more than a million bucks.
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This guy got a million dollars
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for beer.
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Are you kidding me?
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All he did was hold up a sign.
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This guy does it on TV, and he's a hero,
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but when I held up a sign demanding money,
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all of a sudden, I'm a bank robber,
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and I took hostages,
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which is, like, a federal offense.
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And the fact that this even worked was stupid, Trevor.
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But not as stupid as what he did with the money.
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NEWSWOMAN: He decided he'd donate all of it
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minus the cost of one case of beer
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to the University of Iowa Children's Hospital.
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It overlooks the Hawkeyes football field,
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where home games fans turn and wave to the kids.
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Hearing the news, Venmo and Busch Beer
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both vowed to match the growing funds.
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Wow, he gave all that money to a children's hospital.
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What an incredible insult to all the hardworking Americans
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who thought it was for beer.
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(laughter and applause)
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Yo, at least he bought,
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like, one case of beer, okay?
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Although now there's just gonna be some kid
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who's $12 short of a new kidney, right?
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"Oh, sorry, Timmy, we ran out of money.
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"But we did put this empty can of Bud Light inside of you.
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Let's just see what happens."
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And if you think this story couldn't get any stupider,
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remember, on the Internet,
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no good deed goes unpunished.
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NEWSWOMAN: The Des Moines Register profiled King,
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and the reporter dug up
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a couple of offensive, racist tweets
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from when King was 16 and sharing jokes
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from the Comedy Central show Tosh.0.
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It was brought to my attention
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by a reporter for The Des Moines Register,
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and, uh, once he pointed it out,
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I was really upset with myself.
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Well, what a plot twist.
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The guy who raised over $2 million for sick kids
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also tweeted offensive jokes ten years ago.
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So is he a good person, or is he a bad person?
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I haven't been this confused about how to feel
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since I got a boner for my great-grandma's yearbook photo.
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But at least there's a clear lesson here:
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never donate money you get for beer
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to a children's hospital, okay?
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Because you only become famous if you donate the money.
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If you keep the money, no one cares, and you're rich.
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And if you think this story doesn't get any stupider,
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then you are as wrong
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as the feelings I have for my great-grandmother, okay,
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because get this.
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After a reporter exposed this guy's old tweets,
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the reporter himself got his own 15 minutes of shame.
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NEWSMAN: Internet users angry about the paper
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digging up old tweets did some digging of their own,
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this time on reporter Aaron Calvin.
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And lo and behold,
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they uncovered derogatory tweets
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about African Americans, gay people and women.
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The Des Moines Register then fired Calvin, saying,
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(reading):
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-(cheering and applause) -Oh! That's right.
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The reporter who found the racist tweets
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had even worse racist tweets.
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It's a classic case of the pot calling the kettle the N-word,
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which is why I always say
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don't point fingers on the Internet,
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because the Internet will finger you right back.
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So, there you have it.
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The guy who raised the money is canceled.
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The reporter is canceled.
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I think the beer got canceled.
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And everything continues to be stupid.
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Yes, but I-I think it is still a happy ending here, Ronny,
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because at least the sick kids are gonna get that money.
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Well, actually, Trevor,
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I dug out some of these kids' tweets,
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-and, oh, man. -Oh, no! Don't even do it!
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Ronny Chieng, everybody!