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  • The COVID-19 pandemic,

  • the virus that's somehow been to more parts of America

  • than Guy Fieri.

  • Back in March, when we first realized how serious it was,

  • a lot of people were like, "Damn, this might not be over

  • until, like, the summer."

  • Well, summer's here, and it turns out

  • corona might just be getting started.

  • NEWSMAN: Across the country,

  • states are shattering coronavirus records,

  • with nearly 35,000 cases yesterday in the U.S.,

  • the highest one-day total in two months.

  • Today in Florida, a record 5,500 new cases,

  • while California has seen a 29% jump in hospitalizations

  • in just two weeks.

  • And in Texas, the governor's sounding the alarm.

  • Houston's Texas Medical Center reports 97%

  • of the area's current ICU beds are filled,

  • nearly three out of ten, with COVID patients.

  • NEWSWOMAN: Texas Children's Hospital

  • is admitting adults to free up beds for COVID patients.

  • Oh, Lord!

  • It's happening again.

  • Just as New York's numbers started going down,

  • the rest of the country is seeing an explosion in cases

  • and hospitalizations.

  • In fact, in places like Houston, Texas,

  • it is getting so bad

  • that they're even sending adults to the children's hospital.

  • Which is awful.

  • These people are seriously sick.

  • They should not be at a hospital

  • where all the doctors are children.

  • What?

  • That's not what a children's hos... Oh.

  • And I'm not sure if this is happening.

  • I mean, because, let's be honest,

  • much of America has treated the coronavirus

  • the same way we treat our bodies in the winter.

  • Yeah? We're always like,

  • "Yeah, I know it's not looking good right now,

  • "but when the summer comes,

  • I promise you everything's gonna be in shape."

  • And then the summer came,

  • and things were still not looking good,

  • and people are like, "Eh, screw it.

  • I'm still going to the beach."

  • So, coronavirus records are being broken

  • every day across America.

  • In fact, right now, basically the only place

  • where cases are actually declining

  • is in the original epicenter of the outbreak in the northeast.

  • Which is why New York, New Jersey and Connecticut

  • just announced that anyone who is entering the state

  • will have to quarantine for two weeks.

  • Now, that's gonna be almost impossible to actually enforce.

  • But the good news is, it already takes two weeks

  • just to get through the Lincoln Tunnel into New York,

  • so, heh, it kind of takes care of itself.

  • In fact, things are looking so bad for the U.S.

  • that Europe is considering a ban of all U.S. citizens

  • until they can figure out...

  • (like Trump): what the hell is going on.

  • And I see where Europe is coming from.

  • Because we can't deny that the United States

  • is doing a particularly bad job compared to other countries.

  • I mean, look at this chart, right?

  • Cases in all those other places are going down,

  • while America went down for a little bit

  • and then shot back up.

  • So I guess congratulations on flattening the curve?

  • The question is, though, why is the U.S. doing so badly?

  • Well, while many Americans are wearing masks

  • and socially distancing

  • and following the advice of health experts,

  • one thing you cannot overlook

  • is that there are also many other Americans

  • who are just really, really, um...

  • Well, you know, you-you judge for yourself.

  • At a commissioner's meeting in Florida's Palm Beach County,

  • anger erupted after a unanimous vote to make masks mandatory.

  • This turned downright ugly.

  • Here was the scene.

  • And, ma'am, as a doctor, I really have many question marks

  • about your degrees and what you really know.

  • And I'm sorry, ma'am, but I don't think you are worthy

  • of your credentials, and I would ask suggestively

  • -that you go back to school and get educated. -MAN: Ma'am?

  • And they want to throw God's...

  • wonderful breathing system out the door.

  • You're all turning your backs on it.

  • You literally cannot mandate somebody to wear a mask,

  • knowing that that mask is killing people.

  • It literally is killing people.

  • And every single one of you that are obeying the devil's laws

  • are going to be arrested.

  • And, you, Doctor, are going to be arrested

  • for crimes against humanity.

  • Six feet, like I said before, is military protocol.

  • You're trying to get people, to train them,

  • so when the cameras, the 5G comes out,

  • what, they're gonna... they're gonna scan everybody?

  • We got to get scanned? We got to get temperature'd?

  • Yes, it appears America isn't just dealing

  • with a deadly strain of coronavirus,

  • it's also dealing with a deadly strain of stupidity.

  • If wearing masks killed people, there would be no doctors,

  • no dentists, and no hockey goalies.

  • Every hockey game would end with a score of a thousand to 980.

  • Why are we even arguing with these idiots?!

  • And this just shows you how destructive

  • social media has been.

  • I mean, you have random people

  • berating qualified health professionals

  • because of some conspiracy theory

  • that they probably came across on their Facebook feed.

  • You can't trust Facebook for medical advice.

  • It isn't run by a doctor.

  • It isn't even run by a human.

  • And this is why everyone should stick to Instagram.

  • The worst thing you'll end up doing

  • is getting a butt lift and buying lots of plants.

  • I mean, sure, your body will be out of proportion

  • and your home will look like a forest,

  • but at least you'll still believe in science.

  • I mean, do these people listen to themselves?

  • Just think for a moment. You guys think every government

  • and every health expert around the world

  • is involved in some giant conspiracy

  • to oppress everyone on Earth?

  • But they don't have the power

  • to block that one video on YouTube

  • that exposes the real truth.

  • With this fake health crisis,

  • we will enslave all of humanity.

  • (wicked laughing)

  • But what about those YouTube videos?

  • Oh. Does anyone know how to code?

  • (chuckles sadly)

  • Now, look, having people who believe

  • crazy conspiracy theories and ignore facts,

  • that's nothing new.

  • What is new is that now one of those people

  • lives in the White House.

  • Did anybody see my speech the other night,

  • -on Saturday night? -(cheering)

  • Yeah.

  • Oh.

  • But I said the other night, there's never been anything

  • where they have so many names.

  • I could give you... 19 or 20 names for that, right?

  • It's got all different names.

  • Wuhan.

  • (laughter)

  • Wuhan was catching on.

  • Coronavirus, right?

  • (audience members shouting)

  • Kung flu. Yeah.

  • -(cheering, applause) -Kung flu, right?

  • Kung flu.

  • (applause, cheering continue)

  • COVID. COVID-19. COVID.

  • I said, "What's the 19? COVID-19.

  • "Some people can't explain what the 19.

  • Give me the... COVID-19."

  • I said, "That's an odd name."

  • Yes.

  • How will we ever know why the disease discovered in 2019

  • has "19" in its name?

  • It's probably the same idiots who came up with the name

  • Madden 20.

  • I mean, there's way more than 20 football players.

  • It makes no sense.

  • So on the one hand, we have scientists

  • searching for a vaccine, sequencing genomes,

  • and generally busting their ass on an unprecedented effort

  • to understand and defeat this pandemic.

  • On the other hand, we're six months into this thing,

  • and the guy in charge of the response

  • is still trying to figure out the name of the virus.

  • (like Trump): Give me two more months, guys.

  • I think I can crack it.

  • I think the one and the nine goes together, it makes ten,

  • times two is 2020, that's why it's happening now.

  • I guess what I'm trying to say is,

  • you might want to upgrade to Zoom Premium, because...

  • we're gonna be talking in those little boxes for a while.

  • Well, that's our show for today.

  • Now as you may know, June is Pride Month.

  • And right now, we want to highlight charities

  • that are making a difference for LGBTQ people of color.

  • Associations like the National Black Justice Coalition,

  • which advocate for federal policies

  • that fight against racism and homophobia.

  • If you'd like to help them and you'd like to join in,

  • then please donate whatever you can.

  • If you'd like to help specifically in New York,

  • well, then, what you can do is donate

  • to the Audre Lorde Project.

  • What they do is help LGBTQ communities of color fight

  • for their rights to organize for change.

The COVID-19 pandemic,

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美國冠狀病毒病例創下歷史新高|每日社會距離秀 (U.S. Hits All-Time High in Coronavirus Cases | The Daily Social Distancing Show)

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    三言 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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