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  • -I was running a bit behind today,

  • so I thought if you guys wouldn't mind,

  • I'd just like to write out

  • my weekly thank-you notes right now. Is that okay?

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • It's Thursday. -Thursday.

  • -Thursday is when I write out my thank-you notes.

  • -Yeah, Thursday is thank you note day.

  • -Yes. That's correct, it is. Yeah.

  • James, can I get some thank-you note writing music, please?

  • [ Melancholy music playing ]

  • He's always in a good mood.

  • -Wow. -He's always in a good mood.

  • -It is like he's wishing you happy birthday with his eyes.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Melancholy music playing ]

  • -Thank you, "Ad Astra",

  • for looking like a great sci-fi movie

  • but sounding like a new 24-hour allergy medication.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -Ask your doctor about "Ad Astra."

  • -May cause sneezing.

  • [ Melancholy music playing ]

  • Thank you, Sean Spicer's debut

  • on "Dancing with the Stars" -- -Oh.

  • -For looking like a highlighter going through a mid-life crisis.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -How about neon green? -What is going on?

  • -God. Oh, my God.

  • [ Melancholy music playing ]

  • -Thank you, Bernie Sanders,

  • saying he'll release his medical records.

  • Or, as Bernie put it,

  • "And you thought the Mueller report was long.

  • I've been alive since 1863!"

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • [ Melancholy music playing ]

  • -Thank you, people who say "autumn" instead of "fall,"

  • for being the same people

  • who won't stop talking about traveling abroad

  • in Bar-the-Lona.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • Come on. -Come on.

  • -Barcelona.

  • "Oh, we had such a great time in Bar-the-Lona."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Melancholy music playing ]

  • Thank you, 25th anniversary of the TV show "Friends" --

  • [Cheering and applause]

  • Or the 26th if you're counting that year

  • that we were on a break!

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Nice call back.

  • -Thank you.

  • [ Melancholy music playing ]

  • Thank you, people singing the national anthem

  • at sporting events,

  • for answering the question,

  • "What would it sound like to hear 30,000 people

  • mumble the word 'ramparts'"?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • O'er the... [Mumbling]

  • What's a -- What's a rampart?

  • -Rampart? -What's a rampart?

  • -Do you know what a rampart is?

  • -It's like a, uh, ramp...

  • that leads up to a battlement.

  • -No, that is not true. -What is it?

  • -I do know what it is. No, it's for real.

  • -Is it part of a ramp? A ramp part?

  • -No.

  • Rampart, one word.

  • "O'er the ramparts we watched." Right?

  • -Right. Yeah, sure.

  • -It's a protective wall around a fort.

  • -Yes, that's usually at a raked angle.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -That's true, but I mean --

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -To deflect cannon shells. -Yes, that's correct, but it --

  • -More the angle the wall, the thicker the cannon shells.

  • -Yes. So you're saying it is a ramp?

  • -A ramp -- a part of a ramp.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I thought it was "Rampart: First Blood."

  • Is that not it? -No. That's just --

  • No, "Rambo: Last Blood."

  • -I just lost 10 grand.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -You got to stop gambling. -To James.

  • -Bet James 10 grand. -You bet James $10,000?

  • -Yeah. I feel like a fool.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • [ Melancholy music playing ]

  • -Thank you, President Trump,

  • for holding a rally in New Mexico.

  • Or as you would first put it, "Wait, there's a new Mexico?

  • We have to build a wall now!

  • [ Applause ]

  • We have to build --

  • We have to build a rampart.

  • -Yeah. [ Laughter ]

  • We got to build a rampart..." -A virtual rampart.

  • -"...that fries eggs."

  • -"It is a virtual wall." -"Fries eggs and bacon.

  • [ Sizzling ]

  • Very loud wall.

  • A sizzling wall."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Melancholy music playing ]

  • Thank you, motion-activated bathroom lights

  • that randomly turn off,

  • for making me feel like I'm landing a 747

  • with my pants around my ankles.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • Come on. Turn it back on. -Come on!

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • -You have to stand. -What was that?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Melancholy music playing ]

  • Thank you, restaurant checks that show suggested tip amounts,

  • for basically being a multiple-choice question

  • that asks, "How cheap are you?"

  • Thank you very much. Those are my thank-you notes.

-I was running a bit behind today,

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謝謝你的筆記。阿德斯特拉,朋友25週年 (Thank You Notes: Ad Astra, 25th Anniversary of Friends)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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