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  • So, you're worried about a thing, are you?

    你在煩惱一件事,對吧?

  • Might be a bill you can't pay, might be a job interview.

    可能是你繳不出的帳單,可能是工作面試

  • Might be your career falling apart. Whatever.

    可能是你的事業毀了,隨便

  • But the best thing you can do in this situation is just to think about it as much as possible.

    此時你最應該做的事就是盡情地想著那件事

  • Don't do anything about it.

    什麼也別做

  • Just make sure keep worrying because that always makes problems go away.

    就盡情煩惱下去,因為那樣總是能解決問題

  • Look at all those people.

    看看那些人

  • Whatever you're worrying about must be a million times worse than anything they can imagine.

    不管你在煩惱什麼,一定比他們所能想像的還糟上一百萬倍

  • They've definitely never had to face a personal crisis.

    他們肯定都不用面對個人危機

  • I'm sure they never felt lonely, been sued, lost family members, spouses, children.

    我很肯定他們從未感到寂寞,或是被告,或是失去家人、配偶、小孩

  • They probably never been fired, or been in love with someone who didn't love them back

    他們也許從未被炒魷魚,或是愛上不愛他們的人

  • or paniced about their career, or anything most humans go through in a lifetime.

    或是對職涯感到恐慌,或是任何大部分的人在一生中都會經歷到的事

  • Because whatever you're worried about is definitely the biggest thing that has ever happened to anyone. Ever.

    因為不管你在煩惱什麼,對任何人而言肯定都是史無前例的艱鉅

  • No one has ever been to war so they wouldn't understand what you're going through.

    沒有人參與過戰爭,所以不會有人了解你經歷過什麼

  • They haven't approached Omaha Beach and known they are probably going to be dead in a few minutes.

    他們沒有登陸過奧馬哈海灘,知道自己下一秒就會死去

  • No one has ever been trapped in a damaged spacecraft, thousands of miles from the earth, running out of oxygen

    沒有人曾經被困在受損的太空船,在遙遠的外太空中面對可能缺氧的處境

  • No one has had to face constant bombing from the air that turned up without warning.

    沒有人需要面對持續不斷的無預警空襲

  • Somehow whatever it is recently you've got on your mind, that justifies you loosing sleep.

    不知怎麼的,不管你最近在煩惱什麼,那都能讓你的失眠合理化

  • And being a total dick to yourself.

    讓你理所當然地墮落

  • Well, you know best. Luckily humans live forever and never age.

    這點你最清楚了,幸運地,人類永遠長生不老

  • So dont worry, you've got infinite time to hold yourself back with doubts.

    所以不用擔心,你有用不完的時間去遲疑蹉跎

  • And actually it's worse than that.

    事實上,事情還更糟

  • You know, if the bad thing does happen,

    你知道,如果壞事真的發生

  • where you dont get the job or you emberass yourself somehow

    你的工作沒有應徵上,或是不小心出糗

  • we're all gonna be laughing at you.

    我們都會嘲笑你

  • All seven billion of us

    地球上的70億人全都會嘲笑你

  • We don't have our own lifes, or relationships, or children, or careers.

    我們沒有自己的人生、自己的戀情、小孩和事業

  • We're just waiting to see you fuck up.

    我們就是隨時等著你出糗

  • The entire planet is going to turn up at your house and write "lol" on your door. In piss.

    全世界的人將會出現在你家門口,在你家門上寫"哈哈哈",用尿寫

  • That's what's gonna happen.

    一定會這樣

  • And even after you're dead we're going to errect a shrine on your grave that says:

    即使你死了,我們會在你的墳墓上搭一個聖壇,上面寫著

  • "This person made a mistake."

    "這個人犯了錯"

  • and we'll visit it everyday with flowers.

    我們會每天帶著花去看你

  • But not the nice ones. Like petrol station roses. That we've found in a bin.

    但,不是花店買的,是加油站會給的那種,我們在垃圾桶裡找到的

  • And don't even think about taking any creative risks.

    也千萬不要想冒什麼創意的險

  • That project you're working on, the book, or the movie or the video, or whatever

    你正在做的那個專案,書還是電影還是影片之類的

  • If you screw up any of it we're gonna laugh at you because we're certanly not busy worrying about our own lifes.

    如果你搞砸了什麼,我們一定會笑你,因為我們的人生都沒什麼要煩惱的

  • Homer, Beethoven, Tolstoi, Hitchcock, Tarantino... None of them ever worried about their careers.

    荷馬、貝多芬、托爾斯泰、希區考克、塔倫提諾...他們沒有一個人擔心過自己的前途

  • Just keep sabotaging yourself so you don't have to ever fear doing something original.

    就一直拉自己後腿,你就不用害怕去做什麼原創性的東西

  • That's the save path.

    這才是最保險的

  • Same with doing what you love, actually.

    其實做你喜歡的事情也一樣

  • No one has ever taken a risk before. You're the first one to do it. Ever.

    都沒有人冒險過,你前無古人後無來者

  • And I'm sure the universe cares if you screw up or take a risk.

    而且我相信宇宙也一定很在乎你搞砸了,或是去冒險

  • It definitely isn't busy regulating the speed of light or, you know, keeping the galaxies from fucking colliding!

    它肯定不是忙著控管光的速度,或是,你知道防止那些星系免於崩解

  • In fact the entirety of creation was just designed to watch you fail personally.

    事實上,宇宙萬物都只是為了看你失敗而誕生的

  • That's what we're all doing here.

    那就是我們一直在做的事

  • That's what get's us up in the moring.

    我們每天都是為了這個醒來—

  • You.

    你,

  • Failing.

    失敗了

  • Maybe just spend the rest of your life fixated on worrying

    也許今後餘生就一直煩惱下去就好了

  • instead of ever doing anything ever again

    什麼事都不要去做

  • instead of say becoming the best possible version of yourself and being kind to people

    不要不斷向上提升,不要對別人好

  • and taking wild and bold risks that scare you and will probably pay off some other time.

    不要克服恐懼去大膽冒險,儘管那可能是值得的

  • and living a lasting legacy for your great-grandchildren

    可能會讓你流芳百世

  • so they can say that one of their ancestors in the early 21st century

    讓後代能夠誇耀說自己的祖先

  • was undeniably a bad motherfucker and did something brilliant

    毫無疑問是21世紀初的一位傳奇人物,有了不起的成就

  • or was just a half decent human being who decided that the point of being alive

    或者就是一位還不錯的人,認為人生的目的

  • was to party as much as possible before the lights go out.

    就是在死之前盡情享樂

  • And just to be nice to other humans.

    然後當一個和善的人

  • Probably better just to keep your head down. Don't rock the boat.

    也許最好還是保持低調就好,不要惹麻煩

  • Can't risk emberassing yourself.

    以免讓自己丟臉

  • But none of that really matters, does it?

    但這些都不重要,對吧?

  • Because you're worried about that thing, aren't you?

    因為你正在煩惱那件事,對吧?

  • Might be a bill you can't pay, might be a job interview.

    可能是你繳不出的帳單,可能是工作面試

  • Might be your career falling apart. Whatever.

    可能是你的事業毀了,隨便

  • But the best thing you can do in this situation is just to think about it as much as possible.

    此時你最應該做的事就是盡情地想著那件事

  • Don't do anything about it.

    什麼也別做

  • Just make sure keep worrying because no one has ever been in a bad situation before. Ever.

    就盡情煩惱下去,因為沒有人面臨過這樣的處境,從來沒有

  • And I'm sure, whatever it is, is very important and won't ever go away.

    我也很肯定不管那是什麼,那一定很重要,問題會一直都在

  • Just like all the other things you used to worry about before.

    就像那些你之前煩惱過的事

  • And now can't even remember

    現在也都記不得了

So, you're worried about a thing, are you?

你在煩惱一件事,對吧?

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煩惱指南 (A Guide to Worrying)

  • 238 4
    lauren.huang 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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