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  • - Welcome to the first day of school.

  • The next four years are about to be

  • the worst four years of your entire life

  • and I'm not gonna make it easier for you.

  • Are you pumped?

  • (dramatic orchestral music)

  • - Honestly?

  • Don't even try with your daughter anymore.

  • She's a lost cause.

  • - So, according to this

  • your son's stupid.

  • - So the positive a-factor is 34.0.

  • - Um, excuse me.

  • I'm pretty sure that's wrong.

  • - Excuse me?

  • - That equation is wrong.

  • - First of all, it's right

  • 'cause there's no way in hell I would write this shit.

  • I took it from the textbook.

  • Second of all, who are you?

  • You have a D-minus.

  • - I actually have a D-plus.

  • - You wanna make it a D-minus?

  • That's what I thought.

  • So the negative a-factor is 51.8.

  • (quiet orchestral music)

  • - If you're gonna cheat

  • at least cheat off the smart kid, stupid.

  • So, if your son interrupts me in class one more time

  • I'm just gonna punch him in the face.

  • Cool?

  • - So, um, I don't know if you know this

  • but your son is really hot.

  • Is he single?

  • - Alright guys, this is the Pythagorean theorem.

  • - This is long division.

  • - This is the capital of Uganda.

  • - These are the different types of dinosaurs.

  • - [Both] But this is never gonna help you in life.

  • (ding)

  • - Okay, I'm gonna be real with you.

  • I'm so hungover right now and I can't deal with your shit.

  • So you're gonna take this 20 dollars,

  • you're gonna go back in there

  • and you're gonna shut the fuck up.

  • (exhales)

  • - So, after meeting you, I finally understand

  • why your son is so annoying.

  • He gets it from you.

  • - Hi, class.

  • I'm your substitute teacher today.

  • We will be watching a movie.

  • Close your eyes during the sex scenes.

  • I won't.

  • It's been awhile.

  • - Alright class.

  • Since you guys were annoying the hell out of me yesterday

  • there's gonna be a pop quiz and the best part about it

  • is when you're done just pass it to your neighbor

  • 'cause you're gonna mark each other's quizzes.

  • I'll be sitting here.

  • Please, please do not have any more kids.

  • Your son is the worst student I've ever had

  • in my entire existence of teaching.

  • I hate your son so much that I hate men altogether.

  • I've even deleted all of my dating apps,

  • (sighs)

  • including Tinder.

  • - Let's be real.

  • I make about 35,000 a year

  • so if you want your sons grades to go up

  • you're gonna have to slide me some money.

  • I take debit, credit, Apple Pay.

  • Yeah?

  • - (sobbing)

  • - Uh, miss, are you okay?

  • - No!

  • No, I'm not okay!

  • I have my period right now and I hate all of you guys.

  • (screams)

  • (hip hop music)

- Welcome to the first day of school.

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A2 初級 美國腔

如果教師對學生誠實 (If Teachers Were Honest With Students)

  • 2 0
    luna.chou 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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