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  • -Hello.

  • Can you see me?

  • I'm hiding.

  • I'm gonna be hiding for the whole episode

  • of "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition" tonight.

  • Let's see if you can -- Oh, did see me move?

  • Did you see -- Ah.

  • Did you see?

  • Just kidding. Hi, everybody.

  • All-new "Tonight Show: At Home Edition" starts now.

  • ♪♪

  • -♪ We in the houseCome on!

  • -Tonight join Jimmy and his guests,

  • Shailene Woodley, Maluma,

  • musical guest Thom Yorke, and the legendary Roots crew.

  • It's the "Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • -♪ We in the house, y'all

  • And now, here's Jimmy.

  • -Hey, everyone, welcome to "Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • This is the hidden episode because we tried to make

  • this space into a room where we might do some jokes from,

  • but the acoustics are pretty bad,

  • and the lighting isn't great.

  • The wallpaper's great for what the room normally is

  • but not for this.

  • So we tried to make it look like a setup, but it's not a setup.

  • Anyways, so this is kind of a hidden episode

  • because we'll never shoot like this ever again.

  • This will be the first and last time we broadcast

  • from this exact space, doing exactly this.

  • So, you found me. You found the hidden episode.

  • Congratulations. [ Laughs ]

  • Well, let's get to some jokes here, everybody.

  • Costco announced that, starting next week,

  • all customers will have to wear face masks.

  • It's good 'cause now you can stay anonymous

  • while you buy 6 gallons of cheese balls.

  • I love cheese balls. -You do.

  • -What did we get -- We did get them in, like,

  • a bucket or whatever. -Every summer. Every summer.

  • -Gosh, it tastes better the more you -- no one eats them.

  • -Three months in, they're even better.

  • -[ Laughs ]

  • They almost become a gelatinous cheese ball.

  • -One big ball. -They become spreadable.

  • Meanwhile, a new undercover video

  • apparently shows Home Depot employees

  • refusing to wear masks at work. And people are shocked.

  • They said, "Home Depot has employees?

  • Where?

  • Hello, hello, hello? I need help, help.

  • I just don't know where, where to get, get,

  • a ball-peen hammer, hammer.

  • Anyone work here, here?"

  • I guess I'll just use the self check-out, check-out."

  • That was my echo training.

  • I saw that Disney World is trying to reopen,

  • and they're considering asking guests to wear masks.

  • It might be necessary but also takes the fun out of

  • seeing a photo of yourself on the roller coaster

  • looking like this.

  • You got to do a lot of eye work.

  • For the whole time, because you never know

  • when they're gonna take the flash, either.

  • They'll still charge you for that photo, though.

  • Don't worry about that.

  • For the first time ever, movies that were streaming only

  • will now be eligible for Academy Awards.

  • They made the switch after realizing the only movies

  • in theaters this year would've been

  • "Sonic the Hedgehog" and "Dolittle."

  • [ Chuckles ]

  • It was just announced that all the world's major film festivals

  • are going to be consolidated

  • into one virtual event that you can view online.

  • They've even come up with a catchy name for it --

  • Netflix.

  • In a new interview, Dr. Fauci said,

  • "We're not ready for sports to come back yet."

  • I don't know. I think I was ready yesterday

  • when I watched eight hours of the World Series of Solitaire.

  • Well, this is great. Yesterday, the cast

  • of "Melrose Place" reunited

  • to raise money for struggling actors.

  • Which means all the money raised

  • will go to the cast of "Melrose Place."

  • I saw that an 11-year-old boy in Colorado

  • caught a trout the size of a toddler.

  • At least that's what he said until his mom was like,

  • "Ugh. Please unhook your brother."

  • I read about a beekeeper in London who uses the sounds

  • from his hives to make electronic music.

  • So any time you're stressed during quarantine,

  • just remember, you could be living with that guy.

  • Bzzz, bzzz, bzzz, bzzz bzzz bzzz, bzzz, bzzz

  • Bzzz, bzzz bzzz bzzz bzzz bzzz bzzz bzzz bzzz

  • Bzzz, bzzz, bzzz, bzzz, bzzz, bzzz, bzzz

  • Good. [ Laughs ]

  • Finally, I heard about a group of German doctors

  • who posed naked online to raise awareness

  • for their lack of protective equipment.

  • It taught me two things --

  • one, doctors everywhere need our support.

  • Number two, it's still cold in Germany in April.

  • There you guys have it.

  • That is our monologue right there.

  • I appreciate that.

  • Thank you for listening to those.

  • We have a great show tonight.

  • First of all, I wasn't to say Salesforce is helping us out.

  • Anything you can donate to Salesforce between --

  • Sorry. To World Central Kitchen between now and June 1st,

  • Salesforce will match up to $250,000.

  • So, you can text "meals" to 80100,

  • and that will totally help and totally work.

  • I think it charges your phone a dollar.

  • You can do it really quickly. You can do it right now.

  • Have your kids do it. Show your kids how to donate.

  • "This is how you do it, kids."

  • And, Salesforce, thanks for stepping up.

  • That's awesome that you're doing that.

  • We have a great show tonight.

  • Shailene Woodley is on the show tonight.

  • I love talking to Shailene. Normally, I would --

  • You know, I would give her a hug, and clearly we can't do it.

  • I don't even know if people are gonna hug anyone.

  • But she taught me a cool hug

  • for those of you with people that you can hug.

  • I can hug you, honey.

  • But what she does is,

  • she hugs the opposite way, so our hearts touch.

  • -Mm. -That's cute.

  • And so I've done that a couple of times --

  • shown that to a couple of people.

  • They like that. But that's --

  • It always reminds me of Shailene Woodley.

  • Also, Maluma.

  • Gosh, this guy is on fire.

  • He's just the biggest of all big.

  • I love Maluma. After he did that concert,

  • by the way, that we did with Lady Gaga,

  • "One World Together At Home,"

  • his song went to number one that he did, "Carnival."

  • Went to number one, because he's great.

  • And then, speaking of music -- So check this out.

  • You're not even gonna believe this story.

  • Thom Yorke, from Radiohead -- Thom Yorke --

  • was thinking about what song to do for our show.

  • We love Thom Yorke, we love Radiohead.

  • A piece of paper falls out of his piano thing,

  • and it's a song that he -- he didn't know if he was

  • gonna finish or not. He finished it for our show.

  • "Plasticine Figures." The debut of the song.

  • Never been heard outside of Thom Yorke's brain.

  • Will be played tonight for you guys.

  • Thom Yorke, brand-new song, "Plasticine Figures."

  • What? That is the coolest thing ever.

  • I love you, Thom Yorke.

  • Hey, guys, it's time for a little thing called

  • "What are you Doing Wednesday?"

  • -♪ What are you doing this Wednesday? ♪

  • What are you doing this Wednesday? ♪

  • -This first one here -- a lot of the --

  • The first three are dad ones.

  • This first one is from @shavaunblair.

  • Helps his baby out with a top-secret mission.

  • ♪♪

  • ♪♪

  • ♪♪

  • -♪ Doom doom, da-doom-doom

  • Should you choose to accept it.

  • This next one is a dad. He likes to multitask.

  • While making dinner, he has to do other things.

  • Watch.

  • Shh.

  • Parent of the Year right there.

  • I love that move. Parent of the Year.

  • That's good. Cooking and pulling the swing.

  • This next one is from @sidevelinbabies.

  • Her sister told her dad about her bad grades,

  • and her dad came in and talked to her about.

  • Watch.

  • -You had two tests. -I did them.

  • -You got a 53 and a 60.

  • You can cheat. It's online.

  • -I did cheat!

  • -And you still got a 53 and a 60?

  • -Yes.

  • -No way! He's the Dad of the Year.

  • "Honey, you cheated and still -- Well, cheat better next time.

  • You cheated and still failed?"

  • [ Laughs ] That's great.

  • This last one here just kind of made me feel good.

  • It's a neighborhood, sent from @Laurantfornel,

  • posted a video of her neighborhood

  • doing a socially distant line dance.

  • It's pretty cool. Check it out.

  • ♪♪

  • ♪♪

  • [ Clapping ] Ah, makes you feel good.

  • That is awesome, guys.

  • Congrats to everyone who just joined in and did that.

  • That must have been a cool moment for everyone.

  • We'll be right back with more "Tonight Show," everybody.

  • ♪♪

  • ♪♪

  • -Two kids coloring together.

  • Some friends celebrating a holiday.

  • Lovers caught in an embrace.

  • An office hard at work.

  • A mixed-race family caught in a candid moment.

  • And a sad boy looking out of the window.

  • We may not be able to make commercials right now,

  • but we can still make pictures zoom in and out.

  • Stock images.

  • ♪♪

-Hello.

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今夜秀》。在家版(每週三你在做什麼:被隔離的爸爸) (The Tonight Show: At Home Edition (What Are You Doing Wednesdays: Dads in Quarantine))

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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