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  • -Welcome to "Late Night," everybody.

  • I'm your host, Steve? No.

  • St-Sten?

  • It might be Sten. Yes, Sten Mathers.

  • The White House yesterday scheduled, canceled,

  • and then rescheduled

  • its daily Coronavirus Task Force press briefing.

  • Wow, that's the kind of calm, steady leadership

  • you usually only get from brunch plans with Ashley.

  • During yesterday's coronavirus press briefing,

  • President trump acknowledged the impact of the virus and said,

  • "So, yeah, we've lost a lotta people."

  • Okay, when I go, can Trump not do the eulogy?

  • [ As Trump ] So, yeah, Seth's dead.

  • Not, uh, too much more to say about it.

  • Feel free to poke 'im on your way out,

  • if you don't believe me. He won't feel it.

  • President Trump yesterday pushed back against calls

  • for the federal government to bail out states and cities

  • that have been hit hard by the coronavirus pandemic

  • and accused Democratic governors of fiscal mismanagement.

  • They're bad with finances?

  • Every woman you sleep with either goes home

  • with hush money or a prenup.

  • White House advisor

  • and President Trump's son-in-law Jared Kushner

  • said this weekend that the administration is working

  • to bring manufacturing back to the U.S.,

  • in order to prepare for future pandemics and,

  • "Make sure we're never reliant on foreign supplies again."

  • Said Kushner, "The only thing we should be getting from overseas

  • is dirt on Joe Biden."

  • Florida governor Ron DeSantis is facing criticism

  • after he referred to his state as, "God's waiting room"

  • during a coronavirus press briefing.

  • Said God, "You should see what I call it."

  • The Los Angeles Lakers reportedly qualified

  • for almost $5 million

  • from a federal government program created

  • to provide relief to small businesses.

  • Meanwhile, the New York Knicks qualified

  • for federal disaster relief.

  • Yeah, you don't -- you don't wanna go in there.

  • The U.S. Centers for Disease Control released

  • an updated list of coronavirus symptoms yesterday

  • that includes chills, repeated shaking, muscle pain,

  • headache, sore throat, and loss of taste or smell.

  • Cool! Thanks!

  • Said hypochondriacs.

  • So, everything?!

  • So, the list is everything?

  • According to a new survey, almost 70% of married couples

  • say they've learned something new

  • about their partners during quarantine.

  • Even worse, 30% haven't.

  • "You told me that story already." When?

  • "Yesterday!"

  • Nintendo has announced that more than 150,000 user accounts

  • have been hacked, including that folder Mario had,

  • labeled Tax Stuff.

  • Officials in New Zealand announced yesterday

  • that the country has "eliminated the coronavirus,"

  • which is great, but still not as great

  • as hearing a New Zealander say

  • [ Changes accent ] eliminated.

  • [ Laughs ]

  • A pug in North Carolina

  • has tested positive for the coronavirus.

  • Help! I'm having trouble breathing!

  • Said a pug without coronavirus.

  • "I'm starting to think we're not a breed

  • that's still supposed to be around.

  • Two cats in New York have reportedly tested positive

  • for the coronavirus and one publication

  • was a little too excited about it.

  • That's right, two cats in New York

  • have reportedly tested positive for the coronavirus,

  • which is remarkable, since cats rarely ever

  • come within six feet of humans.

  • Yeah, some animal jokes, get us back into it.

  • A McDonald's in England this week partnered

  • with the country's National Health Service

  • to offer drive-through coronavirus testing.

  • Said people using the site...

  • [ McDonald's jingle ] ♪ Ba da ba ba ba

  • "I'm positive."

-Welcome to "Late Night," everybody.

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白宮安排、取消、然後重新安排冠狀病毒新聞簡報會 (White House Schedules, Cancels and Then Reschedules Coronavirus Press Briefing)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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