字幕列表 影片播放 列印英文字幕 All right, guys. Good call. See you next week. (SHOUTING) Hey, hon, can I get, like, five minutes? Huh? The kids are a little much right now. [FUNK MUSIC] I'm not that worried about it. It's not that crucial, honestly. It's one quarter, guys. You know what? Can you all just give me a minute? Just I got to go outside. [GRUNTS] What were you saying? [SMALL ENGINE WHINING] Oh, come on, Bill. You got to trim the hedges now? [FUNK MUSIC] Maybe we should watch a show. Duh. Hey, didn't you wear that yesterday? [LAUGHTER] (MANIC TONE) I can't wait to watch another rerun of the championship. Who do you think's going to win? I know, Alabama. The entire Harry Potter series is even better upside down. That'd be, like, crazy if, like, a wife fed their husband to a tiger, right? Yeah, that'd be really crazy. Like-- [MUSIC STOPS] I mean, like, you would never do that. [NERVOUS CHUCKLE] (DISMISSIVELY) No. Right? Right. [NERVOUS CHUCKLE] OK, you didn't say anything, so I was like-- [FUNK MUSIC] [BEEP] Beginning sanitation process. [HISSING] Honey, I'm home. Start the three-day countdown on these groceries. [R&B MUSIC] I always knew I was a LEGO guy. You got to try ribs. They take up, like, half your day. The two greatest whip-crackers to ever live, Indiana Jones and soon-to-be me. Who knew working on engines was so fun? [WHIP CRACKS] (SHOUTING) Hah! Did you get a load of that, Bill? No one cared who I was till I put on the mask. [R&B MUSIC] This one's pretty good. I just forgot to make eye holes. Got attacked by birds in the parking lot. Best one yet, but not super breathable. Who knew a pot lid would work-- [SNEEZES] I didn't think about that. [R&B MUSIC] Hey, man. You can just leave it right there. Good seeing you. Yeah, you too. Enjoy the day. I just cleared this an hour ago. I'm going to eat so healthy. By the time this is over, my friends won't even recognize me. It's not like this thing's going to last for a month, so this is just a quick detour. [R&B MUSIC] (SHOUTING) Mom, DoorDash says my Blizzard's here. They're at the door right now. Hey, want some pizza. Oh, this is a biscuit. [CHUCKLES] Here you go. No, that's mine. I don't share. [CHUCKLES] Everybody's thinking it's China. But you know who's really been quiet about all this? Canada. Think about that. This is a 5G cell tower problem. You know, everybody's blaming bats. But I'm not sure it's not just kale chips and almond butter. I'm still holding strong, it ain't from this planet. (FROM OTHER ROOM) Babe, we need you. So does my squad. [R&B MUSIC] Night, love. [LIGHT CLICKS OFF] [R&B MUSIC] All right, boys. Where we dropping? Gym's closed, but not this gym. [SMACK] [GURGLING] (SHOUTING) Dig, dig, come on. Your mom is weak. Your mom is Netflixing right now. (BELLOWING) Come on. Arm circles, Lucy. Arm circles. Lucy, listen to your sister. Arm circles. John. Adam. Good to see you, my man. You too. How's the family? Never better. Awesome. Hey, enjoy it. Stay safe out there. Yeah, you too. Expecto patronum. Expecto patronum. How's your mom? Great. She's doing good. Adam, how's it going, man? I'm good, John. How are you? Great. [SLURPING NOISE] Good to see you. Yeah, you too. [R&B MUSIC] Yeah, it's time. [SNIPPING] (DEJECTED) Oh, I didn't know I had a mole there. Oh, wow. What's photosynthesis? So, um, photosynthesis-- Plants. [R&B MUSIC] Photosynthesis, just to explain it quickly and easily to you guys, is the process by which green plants and some other organisms use sunlight to synthesize food from carbon dioxide and water. So-- [CLAPS] --next question. [RECORDER PLAYING CLOSING STRAINS OF "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"] [R&B MUSIC] Package delivery. You want me to bring it in? Yeah, that'd be great. Have a good one, Codes. Oh, Ty? I could barely recognize you. Was it the mask? Well, no. Pretty good TP tower you got there. (STAMMERING) They were gifts. You guys aren't, like, one of those stockpiler families, right? Oh, us? No. We-- no. Box was pretty light. What was in this one? Those are light bulbs. Light bulbs? Light bulbs. Not toilet paper, right? No. Why don't I cut it open? No, you don't need to check. It's not a heavy lift for me, honestly. Can you please not? Ty. So if I take this box, tip it upside down, there'll be shattered glass everywhere. (DEFENSIVELY) OK. Hey, how are those at-home workouts going? You talking to me? No, the other chubby guy behind you. There's not another-- [ROARING] [R&B MUSIC] [SHOUTING UNINTELLIGIBLY] (SHOUTING) Let's see if this spaceship can fly. [CRASH] [SHOUTING CONTINUES] This is the only thing that kept me from going crazy. What have you got out here? Don't touch it. [BANGING] [GLASS SHATTERS] Oh, gosh. [CRASH] That was a limited edition. Oh, you know what? I think I chipped your paint right here. [SPRAY PAINT HISSES] He knows where I live now. I hate this place! [BELLOWING] I'll give you a box of donuts to stop. [BELLOWING] [CRASH] Oh, come on! I'm never going to financially recover from this. [R&B MUSIC] (SINGING) I'm a savage. Classy, bougie, ratchet. Man, I nailed that one. Son, would you help me put this on the new Tic Tac app? Yeah, absolutely. [SMASH] (SHOUTING) No. Wow, that was really ratchet. Neighborhood stroll number 14. Killing our daily step totals. [R&B MUSIC] Never seen Buzzcut here pre-quarantine. (NERVOUSLY) Oh, yep, hey, ooh. Get on this side, get on this side. Distance, please. We got a baby. Say, hey, we should hang out when this is all lifted. Yeah, well, yeah, after, for sure, for sure. [R&B MUSIC] Get it, get it, get it. Come on. [SPRAYING] OK, get it. [SPRAYING] You amateurs. We already sprayed our eggs. See a dog, post a dog. You guys ever seen a dog? I know I'm just a regular guy, but I'd like to nominate Leonardo DiCaprio, Post Malone, and let's go Oprah. See a rock, sit on a rock. (TO SELF) That one's kind of silly. I might not post that. This is going to be so fun. I cannot believe we just did that. [R&B MUSIC] [DOG BARKING] Don't look at me. [SQUISH] Ugh. (MIMICKING WIFE) Oh, I think it's great time to get a dog. Yeah, I'm sure. Ho ho ho ho. (SHOUTING) Honey! [R&B MUSIC] All right, we got everybody? Awesome. Thanks for hopping on, guys. We'll try and keep this quick.