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  • me Greetings.

  • It is I the A Lone Ranger.

  • We are back in our regular time slot with an abbreviated version of our show will be on for 1/2 an hour, followed by Nightline, and this will be the plan until the shackles come off.

  • I hope you had a happy Easter.

  • We had one of those family dinner video conferences.

  • What our Easter was like a new yourself, Grandma, you have that we can hear hit on mute.

  • It was less like in Easter dinner, more like I was hosting a non celebrity reboot of Hollywood squares.

  • But that's what you do.

  • Easter is a tough one during a pandemic.

  • You know, every two minutes we're telling our kids to wash your hands and all of a sudden were like, Yes, go ahead and eat those jellybeans you found under a bush, our five year old Jane told my wife for real.

  • I promise.

  • If I see the Easter Bunny, I won't hug him.

  • So some lifelong psychological traumas air definitely being formed here.

  • I will say that as a parent, Easter makes you realize what a solid backstory Santa Claus has.

  • Santa lives at the North Pole He has elves who make toys.

  • He flies around reindeer.

  • My kids where the Easter Bunny lives.

  • I was like, I don't know, the sewer.

  • This is good.

  • This is what the Easter Bunny was up to in New Jersey yesterday.

  • Cold, red.

  • Sorry, kids.

  • Everything you believe is a lie.

  • It looks like the President has another enemy inside his administration.

  • And unfortunately, that enemy is Dr Anthony Fauci.

  • Doctor found she was on CNN with Jake Tapper yesterday.

  • Jake asked him if casualties could have been prevented had the social distancing and stay at home.

  • Order has been put in place sooner.

  • And the answer was not exactly what Trump wants to hear his people saying.

  • I mean, obviously you could logically say that if you had a process that was ongoing and you started mitigation earlier, you could have saved lives.

  • Obviously, no one is going to deny that.

  • Well, the president is the president is definitely going to deny that Trump was obviously not Please.

  • He retweeted a post that include the hashtag timeto fire Fauci.

  • Every time someone tells the truth, he gets mad.

  • Is that a good sign?

  • This tweet was written by a woman who is the author of a dating guide called Making Love Great Again, which sounds like a text.

  • Trump would send his doctor after getting his see Alice prescription refilled, making Love great again.

  • The spokesperson for the White House said the media chatter is ridiculous and that Trump is not firing Dr Fauci.

  • So he is definitely firing.

  • Dr.

  • Fauci.

  • Doctor found she wants to keep his job.

  • He better find a way to blame this virus on Hunter, Biden and Quick.

  • Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, though, if Trump fired, Found she.

  • I mean, I, for one, might enjoy.

  • See daily updates from Dr Joseph Exotic on March 24th which was less than three weeks ago.

  • The president said he expected the country to be back up and running by Easter.

  • But here's the thing.

  • He didn't say which Easter.

  • Maybe he meant next year or the year after that.

  • Trump has no idea when the country will be open for business again, but that doesn't stop reporters from continually asking when the country will be open again.

  • I want to get it open as soon as we can.

  • We have to get our country open, Jeff, you say, sir, What metrics You were used to make that the metrics right here.

  • That's my metrics.

  • His tanning bronzer is his metrics.

  • If my face is orange, the country will stay closed.

  • But if we see it, shift the tangerine game on.

  • And while it would undoubtedly be dangerous toe let people go back to work prematurely.

  • The president seems convinced we're going to die either way.

  • I just want to say that, you know, you talked about I couldn't lead to death.

  • Meaning you open up, could lead to death.

  • And you, right.

  • But you know what?

  • Staying at home leads to death.

  • Also, maybe you've seen the movie and nightmare on Elm Street.

  • Freddie gets a hold, dear.

  • You're right in bed.

  • You're done.

  • Meanwhile, in the effort to end the era of Trump, Senator Bernie Sanders today officially endorsed Joe Biden in a joint livestream.

  • And that's a very powerful message for the country.

  • If to 80 year old men can successfully log into a zoom meeting, anything is possible.

  • Sanders said that while he and Biden have real differences and they're not gonna paper over them, they need that paper for the bathroom.

  • He will do everything he can to help Joe win the election.

  • Masking every Democrat.

  • I'm asking every independent.

  • I'm asking a lot of Republicans to come together in this campaign to support your candidacy.

  • I endorse.

  • All right, Jack.

  • Thank you very much, Chuck.

  • Oh, no.

  • Oh, no.

  • Well, now all the Democrats have to do between now and November is keep Joe Biden in a Mylar bag like they get with vintage comic books.

  • Schools have been closed for a month now, and a lot of students are finishing the year online.

  • Which means a lot of parents are suddenly in the seventh and eighth grade.

  • Again, every parent I know is complaining about having new algebra geometry, soldier studies, all those things.

  • We be asked our way through the first time around our back to bite us on the home school asked.

  • But fortunately, help is here.

  • Our very own Guillermo is very good at this sort of thing.

  • Not too many people know Guillermo scored a perfect 1600 on this s 80.

  • So grab your Children, because here he is now your TV tutor.

  • It's time for homework corner.

  • Hello and welcome toe homework.

  • order with Guillermo.

  • Today's problem is the car travels at 65 miles per hour.

  • How far you will travel in 90 minutes.

  • Okay, so I think a car trouble a 60 miles and not okay.

  • You get 65 miles on 90 minutes.

  • Okay.

  • Well, I think you should not be driving right now because the corner wires.

  • So it stayed home.

  • That's right.

  • Who can argue with that?

me Greetings.

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吉米-金梅爾的檢疫獨白--特朗普VS福齊&復活節在家門口 (Jimmy Kimmel’s Quarantine Monologue – Trump vs Fauci & Easter at Home)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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