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  • me.

  • Hello.

  • I'm Jimmy Kimmel.

  • I am the host of this house.

  • And the reason I look like a my little pony bunny or something is that today, in case you are unaware was supposed to be take your kid to Work day, which kind of every day for a lot of us.

  • Now, they're originally, you know, planning to rename it this year.

  • Take your kids to the breakfast nook for a zoom meeting with no pants on day.

  • But they decided to leave it alone.

  • So to bring my daughter work My daughter Jane did my makeup.

  • Tonight you do it.

  • Oh, my God.

  • You should years old when your daughter agree.

  • Do I look beautiful?

  • You look like a girl.

  • What do you think?

  • Your modo I look like a girl.

  • Ah, little bit.

  • Yeah.

  • You look beautiful.

  • Thank you very much.

  • Thank you, Guillermo.

  • And thank you, Jane.

  • Who knew my color palette was jolly rancher.

  • Tonight was also around one of the NFL draft.

  • You know, it was supposed to be a big live event in Vegas, but because of the virus stated a virtual draft with the players and the teams making picks from home like a fantasy draft.

  • The most interesting part was watching a bunch of 75 year old billionaire team owners trying to figure out how to boot up their laptops.

  • It was nice to have some kind of current sports programming toe watch.

  • People don't know what to do with themselves right now, but into port me if you can.

  • To find small ways, maintain your normal routine like this gentleman from New York did at a parking lot.

  • What?

  • I'm not putting a window down.

  • I got here first.

  • This is my parking spot.

  • I'm not moving.

  • You go somewhere around leaving alone.

  • It's not my problem that you went around, Teacher told I took the shortcut.

  • This is my and I'm not moving my cough.

  • Good bye.

  • There's nobody there.

  • I miss the days when I argued with someone over a parking spot.

  • I miss the good old days.

  • I like that a lot.

  • Sometimes you just have the scream, use it or lose.

  • It is the thing.

  • Speaking of screaming New Yorkers, President Trump is on quite a roll, contradicting his own infectious disease experts almost every day on his daily televised temper tantrum.

  • Here's how it goes.

  • The president says this.

  • I understand that the United States will certainly be more prepared in the fall.

  • But how can you say that?

  • You know it won't come back in the same level that it has today.

  • What it is estimated might not come back.

  • It all gift.

  • It may not come back at all.

  • And then later in that same press briefing, Dr Fauci says this.

  • We will have a Corona virus in the fall.

  • I am convinced of that.

  • Okay, now I don't know who to trust.

  • Here's the thing, folks.

  • Our president is a contradict hat.

  • Trump also trotted out the director of the CDC doctor, Robert Redfield, who told The Washington Post, We may have uneven Mawr devastating round of the virus coming.

  • That warning did not go over well with the president, who immediately tweeted that the doctor was misquoted and then marched him up to the podium to try to get him to say I was misquoted.

  • You were accurately quoted him accurately quoted in The Washington Post as difficult but headlined with headlined says CDC Director Warren Second wave of Corona virus is likely to be even more devastating and isn't that climate You're so that went well, These poor doctors working for Trump.

  • If they don't give us the truth, they're not doing their jobs.

  • But if they do tell the truth, there's a good chance of firing them.

  • So their only option is toe play dumb and hope Trump gets distracted by a filet of fish or something.

  • And this guy, Dr Redfield.

  • Had he not tried to accommodate Trump, he would have been forced to go back to his original job as an Amish stock photo model.

  • See, this is what happens if you don't play loose with the facts we learned yesterday that team Trump demoted the doctor in charge of finding a vaccine for the virus.

  • Dr.

  • Rick Bright was involuntarily transferred from his post because he raised orange flags about the president's claim that an untested drug, hydroxy claure Quinn, could help treat the virus.

  • Early testing seems to indicate that it does not help.

  • Dr Bright spoke up about this and meetings, and now he is gone.

  • I'm not sure what's more depressing that our president demoted a doctor who's trying to prevent Americans from trying an ineffective drug that could kill us or that we're not even remotely surprised that he did.

  • But the president only wants the best people in this headline.

  • I think there's a good job of summing it all up.

  • Former Labradoodle Breeder Was Tapped to Lead US Pandemic Task Force It's riel.

  • They hired a guy who bred Labra doodles to lead the team.

  • How does that happen?

  • Do they go through his resume?

  • And they see the word lab and then said, Well, he's obviously qualified.

  • Harrison has no formal education in public health management or medicine, so Trump was, like, perfect.

  • How soon can you start?

  • Oh, maybe we at the least we can get trained Mike Pence to stop humping the president's lake.

  • Um, I still wearing the makeup?

  • Yeah, Okay.

  • Tomorrow the state of Georgia will reopen for business gyms, fitness centers, bowling alleys, hair salons, beauty salons, massage therapists, cosmetology schools, tattoo parlors and body piercing studios will be allowed to open their doors to customers.

  • And I think that's great.

  • That is just what we need right now.

  • I don't know about you, but I haven't had my Penis.

  • Pearson Weeks, the governor of Georgia Brian Campus, going ahead with this plan Why no one seems to know even their crazy next door neighbor.

  • Florida has an open for business, yet it's nuts were cracking under pressure.

  • According to The Associated Press.

  • A lot of parents have now reached the breaking point when it comes to home schooling their kids, and some are just given up on it.

  • And that's a shame.

  • So I think maybe we should change court.

  • Maybe we should revert toe a little house on the Prairie style education.

  • None of our kids need fractions right now.

  • I say it's time to teach him to turn butter.

  • You know, if he searched the word homeschool on Twitter, you can get a sentence of what's going on here.

  • Some tweets.

  • Homeschooling is just standing behind your kid, checking their math on your phone calculator.

  • Another.

  • If I died tomorrow, my fourth graders last memory would be of me yelling at her about the ST Louis Arch.

  • And this one gets right to the point.

  • There is a hell.

  • It's called home schooling.

  • I get it.

  • It's hard to go to school again, but don't give up hope, moms and dads, because our pal Guillermo has a new service providing homework assistance for those who need it to run and get your workbooks.

  • Because it's time for a homework corner with Guillermo.

  • Hello and welcome toe homework Corner with Guillermo.

  • Today's problem is so for a three times eight equals 20.

  • So that will be now be three times three a.

  • Wait time three times six 18 and then we forget about it to e give me 80.

  • Okay, well done, Guillermo.

  • I give you a B plus.

me.

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吉米-金梅爾的檢疫獨白--吉米的女兒為他化妝&特朗普反駁專家說法 (Jimmy Kimmel’s Quarantine Monologue – Jimmy's Daughter Does His Makeup & Trump Contradicts Experts)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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