字幕列表 影片播放 列印英文字幕 -Chelsea Handler! Thank you so much for coming on our show. We appreciate it. And I know all your fans appreciate it, too. Because this is a -- some tough times. Where are you and how are you? -I'm in my room in Los Angeles, California. I'm doing fine. I'm -- I'm happy to stay home and do my part. And, yeah. How are you doing? You look cute. -[ Laughs ] Thank you so much. Come on. Oh, my gosh. I'm doing -- I'm doing great, you know. I'm just trying to, like, figure this whole thing out. You know, we're with the kids in the quarantine. Are you -- Are you with family now or are you by yourself? -Well -- what happened was the first two weeks I quarantined by myself, as did my sister and her three kids. And I really dove into the first two weeks of the quarantine. I was like, "Oh, spring break, I guess, you know?" Like, I'm home alone? I'm not allowed to talk to anyone? Like, you don't have to tell me twice. So I really -- I'm coming out with a cannabis line in the summer. Well, I don't know now, but it was planned on, so I had an exorbitant amount of sampling at my house. And I just went head-first into that, and I was like, "Hey, it's time to party," you know what I mean? And I love my own company, so it was not a problem. And I was -- I was having a great time. And, then, I kind of overdid it. Like, I had a big supply of those breakfast number ones from McDonald's because those are kind of my favorites. So for the first two weeks, I'm like, "Oh, I better eat them all," you know? -Oh, no. -And with the cannabis and the eating, I was going to my refrigerator like every 15 -- I was like, "I better eat again now. It's been 15 minutes." -That was the plan. -And then I had to set an alarm on my phone, and I was like, "You can't go into the refrigerator for three hours." And, then, if I do now, I have to set an alarm on my fridge. If I open the refrigerator before the three hours is up, an alarm goes off, and it alerts the Los Angeles Police Department. -Are you doing a lot of Zooming? -Zooming is not -- I mean, I know you and I are Zooming. Is this Zoom that we're on right now? -This is -- Yeah, this is Zoom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. -I can't read. But I don't love to. I don't like to -- I mean, I like to communicate like this for you because I love you, but, I mean, I've been doing meetings on Zoom, but they're really annoying. You know, people are talking over each other, interrupting each other, faces get blurry. And then -- And now everyone wants Zoom happy hours and cocktails, and I just don't -- -Yeah, I heard that. -Yeah, I just tell people, "I don't get a good signal." -Well, now they're going to see the show and realize you do have a good signal. -Yeah, but that's not my problem. You know what I mean? I'm just going to stick to my story and just keep going with that. Not my problem. -Are you a -- Are you not a FaceTimer? Are you a FaceTimer? -I find FaceTiming intrusive and, quite honestly, offensive. You know, if you don't have children, there's really no reason to be talking that way. I don't find -- Like, I don't want -- If somebody calls and it's a FaceTime, I don't -- I just hit decline. But, you know, I didn't have children for a reason, and it was because I don't like to FaceTime. -[ Laughs ] But now you have kids around the house. Your sister has kids, right? -Yeah, after my sister heard about my first two weeks -- Like, my sisters -- one's in New Jersey, and one was in San Francisco, and they were under a deep quarantine. And after they heard about how I was conducting myself for two weeks -- my memories were all blending. You know, your days blend together, and your attention span starts to go. You're, like, too bored to even watch TV sometimes. You turn it on. You're like... -Yeah. -After that, my sister's like, "You need a supervisor. Like, we're gonna come down there and supervise you, make sure you're not going to lose it." And she's like, "You need to get into a rhythm." And she wasn't wrong. So my family came down. So now I have a full house of kids, and, like, all the bedrooms are full, and there's clothes everywhere. It's like what my house would be like if I had had a family. It's fun. -[ Laughs ] Are you -- Are you watching them homeschool? Are you helping them homeschool? -No, no, I don't want to ever -- I mean, that's another reason. I mean, what's happening right now with all of our friends -- you guys I'm sure, too, you and Nancy. Having to home-school people is kind of like, you know -- That's like my -- Homeschool a child is kind of like my worst nightmare. And I guess intuitively, I maybe had known something this big was going to happen because I always in the back of my mind when I thought about children I'm like, "I just don't want to have to be alone with them for long periods of time." And so I -- Now I'm looking back at a lot of the decisions I made as an adult woman, and I'm pretty solid. I feel pretty solid, like, in my decision-making. I don't have a husband that's driving me up a wall. It's my family, so I can tell them to shut up or I can go to my room when I'm annoyed. And I don't have any children that I have to homeschool. So somebody's hittin' it out of the park. -[ Laughs ] I saw somewhere that you're going to do a commencement speech for graduates just on -- It's on iHeartRadio. -Yes. Are you doing one? -Yeah, I think I'm gonna do one, too. -But did you graduate from college? -[ Laughs ] I kind of -- I got my doctorate. I got my degree. They gave one to me. I'm a doctor. -So you didn't graduate. I'm more of a doctor than you'll ever be because I'm a pharmacist. So, you didn't graduate from college, but you got an honorary degree because you're a celebrity, right? -Well, no, my major was communications, and I think I'm communicating pretty well. -Yeah, you're right. I didn't go to college either, by the way. I didn't even get accepted anywhere. So -- Because I didn't apply. But I didn't think that was the right avenue for me, which is more of a reason why I would love doing a commencement speech. Because if you can be successful without going to college, I'm sure you can impart some wisdom on people who have gone to college. -Yeah. -I heard, though, that you had a crush on our boyfriend, Andrew Cuomo. -Dude, everyone does, right? I think he's fantastic. -I mean, it's just like we are in -- We are -- You know, competence has become such an aphrodisiac, you know? In the state of affairs that we're in, you see somebody who can explain things with pie graphs and charts in a simple, like, you know, factual way, and you're just so -- I mean, I'm so turned on by him. I'm so turned on by the leadership, you know? I'm so turned on by somebody who's confident and can just -- and shows you what's happening without his personal opinion intersecting, you know, all of those thoughts. And I -- I -- I have feelings for him now, and -- But I know my pattern. I have feelings for Andrew Cuomo. I wrote a piece about it for vogue.com. But, I mean, everybody does. Everybody's kind of on the same page with me, you know? -Well, he's single. Would you ever date Andrew Cuomo? -Um, the thing is, yes, I would date him. I've been looking into his background. He's mentioned fishing a lot, and he's mentioned muscle cars a lot. And being from New Jersey, like, I'm trying to get away from that stuff, you know what I mean? It's a little, like, too close to home. -Yeah, yeah. -And there's not enough cannabis in the world that's ever gonna allow me to go fishing. -[ Laughs ] Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, you get around those things. -That -- I mean, we'll see what happens. I mean, I had a big crush on Robert Mueller for a long time during that investigation. I developed strong sexual feelings for him, too, so I know my pattern. And when he disappointed me and that investigation didn't come to fruition in the way that I had imagined, I'd been -- You know, I'd been kind of smarting from that for a few months, so it's nice for a new man to come into my life. But I know once this disaster starts to abate and New York City's back on the rise and people are getting, you know, back into, you know, into the world and our economy and everything starts to become healthy again and we can all mourn for all the people we've lost in a proper way, I feel like my feelings for Andrew Cuomo will also start to abate, because that's how I am. I'm attracted to somebody in the moment of them fixing something, and then when it's over, I'm like, "Who -- Where is someone else?" -Really? That's the way you work? I know -- We ask everyone that comes on our show to pick a charity. And, again, thank you for coming on, but your charity is the New Jersey Pandemic Relief Fund. This is -- right there. newjerseypandemicrelieffund. org. What does Jersey mean to you? -Well, I'm with my girl Whitney Houston, who's from New Jersey, too. So we're representing. New Jersey girls. Well, New Jersey's strong, just like New York is tough, you know, and I'm proud to be from New Jersey. I'm also proud to have left New Jersey. But I'm proud to be involved in the New Jersey Pandemic Relief Fund. And they're providing, you know, PPE for all the frontline workers. And this is just a time for all of us to say yes to everything that we can, you know? To any organization and to getting -- I mean, these medical workers, the courage that they've shown us is basically, you know, demonstrating what it is to people who do not work in the medical community, what it is to be a hero. And we have a lot of heroes. And I want to be -- And it is so -- It's a beautiful thing to see. And it makes me want to just be better, and it makes me want to do more. You know, I want to show up for them in the way that they've shown up for us. -Yeah. You're also going to be part of the Jersey for Jersey event that's going to air next Wednesday, April 22nd, at 7:00 p.m. That is on Apple Music, Apple TV. That is a bunch of New Jersey's best all coming together to support -- -Yeah, there's Jon Bon Jovi, Bruce Springsteen. Einstein is from New Jersey. I heard he'll be there. Edison. Thomas Edison. We have a lot of good people. Jason Alexander from "Seinfeld." -[ Laughs ] That's perfect right there. You got the whole -- the whole gamut of people. Well, I'm so happy to see you and happy to see your smile, and I can't wait to see you in person. Again, I really appreciate you doing this, buddy.