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  • This, is Australia. (nooo really)

    歡迎來到澳大利亞

  • For the man who imagines being strangled by a tarantula while a kangaroo breaks his kneecaps and things,

    對於幻想著被狼蛛絞死的同時被袋鼠打碎膝蓋的人來說

  • Mmm. Yes please.

    噢!讚!

  • For the man who pictures himself being eaten by a snake in the burning Outback while eating a Vegemite sandwich and thinks:

    對於那個在燃燒著的森林被蛇吃掉的同時還在吃著Vegemite三明治的人來說

  • "MMM YES, PLEASE!"

    嗯~~~超讚~~~

  • And that man was governor Arthur Phillip who landed in eastern Australia in 1788.

    這人是亞瑟.菲利普總督

  • Presumably saw a dingo being eaten by a crocodile, being eaten by a Death Adder, being eaten by a koala, being eaten by Mel Gibson, (lol)

    於1788年登陸東澳

  • and thought to himself:

    推測他是看到一隻澳洲野犬被一條鱷魚吃掉後 被一隻死亡蛇(澳洲特有種)吃掉後被一隻無尾熊吃掉後 被梅爾吉布森吃掉

  • "Yes,"

    並想到自己時他覺得:

  • "G o o d."

    “好噢”

  • Now I know what you're thinking,

    “我覺得可以”

  • but OverSimpified (what)

    我知道你在想啥

  • the British didn't discover Australia. (rly?)

    但OverSimplified

  • The vikings did (are you sure about that)

    (真的嗎?) 英國人沒有發現澳大利亞

  • And you'd be wrong. (HAHAHAHAH)

    (你確定嗎) 是維京人發現的

  • I'm not sure why you'd think that, but hey! If you love Vikings so much

    (屁啦www) 你錯了

  • THEN why don't you

    我不確定你為什麼這麼想

  • Check out today's sponsor?

    但是啊!如果你那麼愛維京人的話

  • Vikings War of Clans was inspired by the PC (and mobile)

    (不意外) 那為什麼不......

  • strategy and RPG games of the 90s we all love,

    (討飯囉) 看看今天的贊助商呢?

  • like Age of Empires, and Civilization.

    (工商) 維京人氏族之戰是受到我們都喜歡的 90年代RPG遊戲和戰略遊戲的啟發

  • If you, like me, want to relive those memories again with a new experience, then this mobile game is for you.

    (工商) 像世紀帝國和文明時代

  • Vikings lets you choose your own play style. And what makes its world so addictive

    (工商) 如果你像我一樣想要再次重溫那些回憶的話

  • is that more than 20 million online players are constantly changing the way it evolves by never-ending fighting over resources,

    (工商) 那麼這款手機遊戲就是為你而生的。

  • forging new alliances, and competing in live events.

    (工商) 維京人可以讓你選擇自己的遊戲風格

  • Support my channel by downloading Vikings for free, only from my links in the description box below,

    (工商) 它讓人能如此上癮的是

  • And get the special bonus of 200 gold coins and a protective shield. (no alliance ;-;)

    (工商) 超過2000萬在線玩家通過永無休止的資源爭奪 不斷改變其遊玩方式

  • [meanwhile in the brexit kingdom]

    (工商) 建立新的聯盟,並參加限時活動

  • "Buy! Buy! Man, this is great! The market will continue to grow forever!"

    (工商) 透過免費下載維京人氏族之戰並支持我的頻道

  • "but what if it dosen't?"

    (工商) 只要點擊下面說明框中的鏈接

  • "OH CRAP! I never thought of that. SELL! SELL!

    (工商) 就獲得額外的200金幣和保護盾的特殊獎勵。

  • And the stock market crashed,

    [同時在紐約...]

  • which led to economic downturn,

    買了!買了!

  • which meant that banks wouldn't lend anyone any money,

    老兄,這太讚了!

  • which led to MORE economic downturn, (more?)

    這市場會一直紅下去

  • which meant everyone stopped buying stuff,

    但如果沒有呢?

  • which led to MORE economic downturn, and-- (are you ok...)

    哦靠!我從來沒有想過這個

  • Hey!

    賣了!賣了!

  • What if all the crops in the Great Plains were destroyed in a drought and then a big dust storm engulfed the area?

    (股市自由落體中)

  • That's right!

    然後股市就崩盤了

  • More economic downturn.

    導致經濟衰退

  • And in an effort to combat the crisis,

    代表著銀行不會再借任何錢

  • America began imposing tariffs on foreign imports,

    導致了更多的經濟衰退

  • which made the economic downturn go global,

    代表著每個人都不消費

  • and the Earth got really depressed.

    導致了經濟衰退

  • But one nation that was hit harder than most by the whole affair:

    然後啊

  • Australia.

    如果北美大平原的所有作物在乾旱中被摧毀 然後一場大沙塵暴席捲這裡時會導致什麼?

  • The problem for Australia was that it relied heavily on its export industries,

    沒錯!

  • and in the current economic climate, no one was buying.

    更多的經濟衰退

  • To make things worse:

    為了對抗這場危機

  • Australia had introduced its own currency, and picked it onto the gold standard by the British pound.

    美國開始對進口貨課關稅

  • But then the UK started messing with its own take on the gold standard, and if this is starting to sound confusing,

    讓這場經濟衰退傳至全球

  • then let me Oversimplify it for you.

    (經濟大恐慌) 讓地球真的很恐慌

  • "Hey, UK. Looks like my car is broken down. Want to give me a tow?"

    但在整個事件中,一個國家比大多數國家 受到的打擊更為嚴重:那就是

  • "No problem, friend,

    澳大利亞

  • I got you."

    澳洲的問題是它極度依賴出口產業

  • *british puts the hook to put australia home*

    而在目前的經濟環境下,沒人要買

  • *walks in british*

    讓事情更糟的是

  • *opens car door*

    澳大利亞推出了自己的貨幣,並透過英鎊以連接金本位

  • *close car door*

    但隨後英國開始脫離金本位,如果這讓你感到困惑的話

  • 10/10 british no need help to australia

    那讓我幫你簡化

  • oof

    嘿,英國

  • More economic downturn! (how much did you say?)

    看起來我的車壞了

  • The point I'm trying to make is things weren't good.

    可以拖一下我的車嗎

  • And in particular, it was Australia's farmers that were suffering most.

    沒問題,我的朋友

  • After the First World War,

    我罩你

  • Australia had given returning veterans land for farming.

    (掛)

  • But with the current economic crisis, the farmers just weren't making enough money.

    (一去不復反)

  • And many left to go find work in the cities, but for those who remained, things were about to get even worse.

    (轟咖)

  • THAT EMU BOI

    更多的經濟衰退

  • Before we get into that, it's time for some cultural exchange.

    總之事情進展很糟

  • "My national bird is the bald eagle."

    特別是澳洲農民受害最慘

  • "It's a strong patriotic symbol of America and a deeply valued and protected species." (that's ok)

    第一次世界大戰後

  • "My national bird is the peafowl."

    澳大利亞分發給退伍軍人土地耕種

  • "It's a beautiful creature whose vivid colors represent India. So we list it as a protected species." (wow i love that!)

    但有了這場經濟災難,農夫沒辦法賺到什麼錢

  • "My national bird is the emu and it's a PEST. (wut)

    許多人去城裡尋找工作

  • Also bloody delicious!" (made with bleach)

    但對於那些留下來的人來說,情況將會變得更糟

  • Emus, six feet tall,

    (牠好像看著你,看得你心裡發寒)

  • 9 to 120 pounds

    在談到正題前,先來個文化交流吧!

  • and able to run speed after 40 mph

    (美)我的國鳥是白頭鷹

  • usually return to the coast after their breeding season, but suddenly they found Western Australia full of lush, wet, farmland.

    牠是美國的一種愛國象徵

  • "Oh my!"

    也是一個受到重視和保護的物種

  • "Look at all this delicious wheat that just so happens to be growing here in large quantities."

    (印)我的國鳥是孔雀

  • "Hey guys, get a load of this!"

    牠非常漂亮

  • *Emus enjoying wheat* (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH)

    多樣的顏色代表了印度

  • (that's a lot of crop damage)

    所以我們把牠列為保育動物

  • "Hey! Who left this big hole in the fence?"

    (澳)我的國鳥是鴯鶓

  • "Guys, get a load of this!"

    牠是個機掰鳥

  • *Rabbits enjoying wheat* (*dies from laughter*)

    而且超好吃!

  • "the rabbits did it some more"

    鴯鶓,六英呎高

  • "What a lovely morning for some farmi-"

    9到120磅重

  • "WHAT!?"

    能以時速40英哩奔跑

  • "Those damned emus!"

    通常在繁殖季節後返回海岸

  • "They have it in for me!

    但突然間牠們發現西澳到處都是茂密農田後...

  • "They're bullies!"

    (啪搭)

  • "They're nothing but bullies!"

    哇塞

  • "Calm down Bruce. They're just animals. It's not personal."

    看看剛好長在這裡的一大把美味小麥

  • "Hey farmer Bruce! Where did you find that hat? The toilet?"

    嘿大伙,吃大餐囉!

  • bruce: *thinks*

    (鴯鶓吃飯中Now Eating)

  • "yes..." (OHH)

    欸!是誰在圍欄上開這大洞啊?

  • 20,000 emus cost the already struggling farmers millions more pounds in lost crops and damages.

    “大家,來吃大餐囉!”

  • The situation couldn't continue like this.

    (兔子吃飯中Now Eating)

  • Something had to be done.

    這真是一個適合耕種的早ㄔ...

  • So in 1932, the farmers turned to the government for help.

    靠?!

  • You think they'd go to the Minister of Agriculture, but these farmers said "No!"

    那些該死的鴯鶓們!

  • "This is a job for the military."

    是牠們把它搞成這樣子的

  • So they went to George Pearce, the Minister of Defense.

    牠們吃人夠夠

  • That's right. Australia was to go to war with the emus, but not everyone was happy with the idea.

    牠們除了惡霸以外啥都不是

  • "This is barbaric! We can't go slaughtering thousands of our own national bird."

    冷靜下來啦,布魯斯

  • "Oh, come on guys!"

    牠們是動物又不是人

  • "The machine guns will make it quick and painless!"

    嘿,那個種田的布魯斯

  • "Machine Guns!? You're using machine guns!? This is animal cruelty!"

    你在哪搞到那頂帽子的啊?

  • "Look, I know it's unusual, but it's not like we're poachers turning the birds into feather hats. Think of the benefits!"

    廁所嗎?

  • "It'll be good target practice for our boys, the government can show it took action! Plus I can get myself a nice new feather hat!"

    (思考中)

  • *GASP*

    “對啦......”

  • "Did I say feather hat? I meant I want to--gether chat. With you!"

    2萬隻的鴯鶓讓這些早已在掙扎邊緣的農夫們 承受了更大的損失

  • "About getting you all some nice new feather hats!"

    不能再這樣下去了

  • *GASP*

    必須要採取行動

  • "Uhhh, did I say feather hats?"

    所以在1932年,農夫向政府尋求協助

  • "I meant I want to wage--terror at--these emus and turn them all into feather hats!"

    你認為他們會去找農業部長,但這些農民說“不!”

  • *GASP*

    "國軍要來處理這些"

  • "DAMNIT!"

    所以他們去找了國防大臣喬治.皮爾斯

  • Of course, Pearce first made the farmers sign an agreement saying that:

    沒錯

  • They would pay for the whole thing, and that Pearce wouldn't take any of the blame,

    澳大利亞要與鴯鶓開戰

  • if the operation, that was clearly very stupid, turned out to indeed, be stupid.

    但可不是每個人會認同這個想法

  • And the operation went ahead.

    這太野蠻了!

  • Major G.P.W. Meredith and his men were sent with two Lewis machine guns to hunt down and take out the evil emu population in Western Australia.

    我們不能屠殺我們成千上萬的國鳥

  • "Target spotted!"

    哦,大伙們拜託!

  • "Well, was it an emu?"

    機槍會又快又不痛的解決掉牠們

  • "No, sir. It's an emO." (who the hell is emO)

    機槍?!

  • "Damn it Jones! Learn your vowels!"

    你要用機槍?!

  • "I'm surry.."

    這是虐待動物!!

  • "Okay, it looks like the humans are coming for us. But check this out. I've come up with an amazing plan. (wheres that emu get that soldier hat)

    聽著,我知道這很不尋常

  • See if you can follow me here okay? When they approach, we run away."

    但我們並不像把鳥變成羽毛帽子的盜獵者們

  • seems stupid

    想想其中的利益!

  • "Sir,

    對阿兵哥是個很好的練習靶

  • You're a genius."

    讓政府有展示作秀的機會

  • Pearce sent a camera crew along with the machine gunners to capture some good ol' propaganda for the government,

    另外我可以給自己一頂全新漂亮羽毛帽!

  • and the first battle took place in November at Campion.

    呃噢....

  • The men spotted a mob of emus from a distance,

    我說羽毛帽了嗎?

  • so they set up the guns and opened fire. The emus split up into smaller groups and ran in every direction.

    我的意思是我想

  • The men were only able to kill what they called "a number of birds" but the vast majority got away.

    一起聊天

  • "CUT!" (where that camera man came from?)

    和你們一起

  • Surprisingly, many of the emus were able to take multiple bullets, but still run at full speed to safety,

    聊幫你們全部都準備些漂亮的新羽毛帽

  • causing Meredith to compare them to tanks saying,

    呃....我說羽毛帽了?

  • "If we had a military division with the bullet carrying capacity of these birds, it would face any army in the world."

    我是說我要去

  • "Okay, we need to get closer."

    施加威嚇

  • "No, you idiots, not to me, to the emus!" (wtf)

    在那群鴯鶓上

  • "Oh, sorry."

    然後把牠們做成羽毛帽!

  • "No, no!"

    臥草!

  • "I like it."

    當然,皮爾斯先讓農夫簽了份同意書,宣告:

  • So next, they tried sneaking up on a large number of emus near a local dam, and firing at short range.

    他們會支付全部費用,皮爾斯不會承擔任何責任,

  • Maybe the men were just unlucky, but my professional opinion says the emus were magic, because both guns jammed after just 12 emus were killed.

    為這聽起來就很蠢的行動

  • And once again, the rest got away.

    事後證明,這真的很蠢

  • "CUT!"

    而計畫如期進行

  • The men were feeling a little humiliated after losing to a pack of discount ostriches.

    G.P.W. 馬里帝茲少校和配備著兩架路易士機槍的士兵們 被送往到西澳去消滅那些可恨的鴯鶓

  • So they decided to move further South, where the emus were said to be tamer.

    發現目標

  • And this time, they had a new strategy.

    呃...這是鴯鶓嗎?

  • "Okay Jones. Here's the plan. You mount the machine gun in the back. I'll chase the emus. You shoot got it. Got it?"

    不是,長官

  • "Got it."

    是個憂鬱男

  • but they can't the car was so bumpy

    (鴯鶓em'''U''與憂鬱男em''O'') 靠!瓊斯!注意你的母音!

  • one emu caught at the driver

    我很抱欠..

  • dat explosion tho

    好的

  • "I'm gonna shove that camera up your- "

    看起來那群人類是來處理我們的

  • The operation was a fiasco and the press had a field day.

    不過請聽

  • In Parliament, Pearce was lambasted.

    我想到了個絕佳計劃

  • And the opposition party members suggested that medals should be handed out to the emus,

    盡量跟上我的想法,好嗎?

  • who'd won every round so far.

    他們接近的時候

  • Pearce, feeling quite humiliated, called the operation off,

    我們就跑

  • but four days later the farmers approached again, and said,

    給他們追

  • "Hey man, the emus are still eating all our crops. Can you send the army back out here?"

    長官......

  • And Pearce was like:

    你是天才

  • "Yeah, okay"

    皮爾斯派出攝製組跟機槍手一起 為政府拍攝一些有利於宣傳的畫面

  • So the operation was back on for Round 2.

    而第一場戰鬥就發生在十一月的坎皮恩

  • And this time, Meredith and his men had learned the emus' guerrilla tactics,

    他們從遠處發現了一群鴯鶓

  • and were much more successful, with reports suggesting the men were cutting down 300 emus every week.

    所以他們架起了槍並開火

  • "I hope you boys are getting great footage of this. What on earth are you filming?"

    鴯鶓分成小隊後四處逃竄

  • Despite the success, the media have lost interest in the whole thing.

    士兵們只能殺他們所宣稱的"一群"鳥

  • But with 1,000 emus killed, Pearce finally ended the operation, and returned to Parliament declaring victory for the humans.

    但剩下的一大群

  • "So there were 20,000 emus out there destroying crops and you've killed 1000."

    全都跑了

  • "Mm-hmm."

    卡!

  • "Meaning there's still 19,000 emus out there."

    (坎皮恩戰役 鴯鶓勝利)

  • "Yep."

    驚奇的是,的情況下仍保持著全速逃跑的狀態,

  • "And in addition you've burned through 10,000 rounds of ammunition."

    許多鴯鶓在身中數槍後

  • "Uh-huh."

    都還能全速開溜到安全處

  • "Meaning you wasted 10 rounds per confirmed kill."

    所以馬里帝茲將它們與坦克比較,說:

  • "Thaat's right!"

    “假如我們能擁有一個師像這群鳥那麼坦的話,

  • Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and call this one for the emus."

    它將能面對世界上所有軍隊"

  • "at least i got a feather hat..."

    好的,我們要更靠近一點

  • "What?"

    淦,白痴

  • "What?"

    不是靠近我!

  • So in the end the emus won the Great Emu War of 1932,

    靠近鴯鶓啦!

  • and the emus continued to wreak havoc on the farmers for years to come.

    噢,抱歉

  • The government introduced a bounty system, which saw some success,

    等一下

  • But for a moment,

    我喜翻

  • let's take some time to remember the brave men, who said goodbye to their families,

    接下來,他們試圖偷襲在附近大壩的大量鴯鶓 並近距離開火

  • and risked their lives to take on the great, evil emu population in Western Australia.

    也許只是運氣不好。

  • But even more importantly, let's think of the friends they made, the bond they created, and the memories they shared.

    但我的專業意見認為鴯鶓就是魔法

  • Take me home

    因為殺了12隻鴯鶓後,兩把槍都卡彈了

  • To golden fields and sights of days gone by

    又一次,剩下的都跑光了

  • To where the heart lies

    拍三小!

  • With stories un-♪

    水壩之戰 鴯鶓勝利

  • "Hey!

    在數次讓"偽鴕鳥"大規模逃走的情況下,他們略感羞辱

  • "Hey! uh

    所以他們決定進一步向南移動 據說那裡的鴯鶓是比較親人的

  • "Hey! uh guys?"

    這次,他們有個新戰法

  • I solved the emu crisis."

    好的瓊斯,接下來是詳細內容

  • "Really?"

    你把機槍架在後面

  • "How?"

    我負責開車追鴯鶓

  • "I just made some better fences."

    你負責開火

  • *cheering*

    懂了?

  • poop di scoop (the end)

    懂了

  • BUY HIS MERCH GUYS

    (搖搖晃晃)

  • don't argue with text on the endcard. BUY. HIS. MERCH.

    (輾)

  • impractical secret text

    (轟)

This, is Australia. (nooo really)

歡迎來到澳大利亞

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鴯鶓戰爭--過於簡單化(迷你戰爭#4 (Emu War - OverSimplified (Mini-Wars #4))

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    cyc 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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