Placeholder Image

字幕列表 影片播放

  • -Hello, everyone, and welcome back

  • to another edition of "Late Night"

  • in a makeshift home studio.

  • And as you can see, we're trying yet another location

  • in my house.

  • We had been shooting in a garage,

  • but we abandoned that because it was so cold

  • that by the end of Monday's "Closer Look,"

  • my nose was redder than a cartoon drunk.

  • I mean, look at that thing.

  • It was like "Late Night with Andy Capp."

  • No, I never would have made an Andy Capp reference

  • in front of a live audience because silence

  • would have been deafening,

  • but these days that's the reaction to everything.

  • So I figured, you know, why not let it rip?

  • So today we're giving it a shot from a crawl space in the attic,

  • and when I told my 4-year-old Daddy was going up to the attic

  • for a while, he said the cutest thing.

  • "If you and Mom are getting a divorce, just tell us."

  • Kids, right?

  • And it looks like I'll be doing these shows from home

  • for a while now that the president has extended

  • the social distancing guidelines to the end of April

  • while he and allies try to memory-hole

  • their early dismissal of the coronavirus outbreak.

  • For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."

  • ♪♪

  • Donald Trump has tried repeatedly to claim

  • that no one could have seen this crisis coming,

  • even though he was repeatedly warned

  • in intelligence briefings in January and February

  • that it was coming.

  • In fact, the "New York Times" reported Tuesday

  • that White House economists published a study

  • last September that warned a pandemic disease could kill

  • a half million Americans and devastate the economy.

  • It went unheeded inside the administration.

  • "Unheeded" is a generous description.

  • In reality, what probably happened was an economist

  • put the study on Trump's desk and said,

  • "Sir, you should read this,"

  • and he said, "What is it, nerd?"

  • And then the economist said,

  • "It's about a possible pandemic."

  • And Trump said, "What's a pandemic, Poindexter?"

  • And then the economist said,

  • "A pandemic is when a disease spreads,"

  • and before he could finish, Trump was asleep on his desk

  • with a Burger King wrapper stuck to his face.

  • Probably.

  • And of course it went unheeded. Trump doesn't heed.

  • He doesn't heed the law. He doesn't heed advice.

  • And he especially doesn't heed studies.

  • In fact, he makes it actively harder

  • for everyone else to heed studies.

  • For example, at his press conference Tuesday night,

  • he turned the mic over to task force coordinator

  • Dr. Deborah Birx, who took the room of reporters

  • through a series of important slides of valuable data,

  • and Trump just wandered over

  • and stood right in front of the screen.

  • "Hey, man, we're trying to read. Get out of the way."

  • "Should I stand right here in front of the screen

  • so you can't read it?

  • Is that helpful, Dr. Birx? Dr. Birx?

  • Maybe I'll stand in front of the part that represents the time

  • I should have done something when I didn't do anything?

  • What do you think, Fauci?

  • Oh, oh, I got you again, Fauci.

  • I got you to touch your face again.

  • Oh, this is my favorite game, Fauci, and I always win.

  • I'm just kidding, we're pals.

  • Trump and Fauci, the original Lenny and Squiggy.

  • That's what people say."

  • Seriously, man, the only reason

  • anyone tunes in to these briefings

  • is to hear the scientists.

  • They're the feature presentation.

  • You're a dancing box of popcorn singing --

  • Let's go out to the lobby

  • Let's go out to the lobby

  • Let's go out to the lobby

  • And ignore this terrifying data

  • And that wasn't the only warning the Trump administration got.

  • In fact, before Trump even took office,

  • President Obama's outgoing team tried to prepare Trump

  • and his aides for a scenario exactly like this one.

  • -Days before Donald Trump took office,

  • some of President Obama's advisers

  • walked the incoming president's team

  • through a hypothetical scenario remarkably like the one

  • we're living through now.

  • It was a briefing on what would happen if a quick-spreading

  • virus were to race through London and Seoul,

  • and in that scenario they presented governments

  • imposing travel bans,

  • there were shortages at hospitals across the country,

  • and today, roughly two-thirds of those Trump administration

  • officials who participated in that simulation

  • are no longer in government.

  • -Of course they aren't.

  • This administration runs through employees faster

  • than an ice cream shop on the Coney Island Boardwalk.

  • Someone should have run a simulation for what happens

  • when an egomaniac fires every staff member

  • who ever disagrees with him.

  • "After three years, the simulation does show

  • it will be down to you, a professional liar,

  • and a Victorian-era teenage ghost."

  • I mean, Trump has had four, four Chiefs of Staff

  • in four years, and the current one, Mark Meadows,

  • officially started on the job yesterday.

  • Man, what a time to start working for this White House.

  • "All right, show me to my new office."

  • "I can't, it's been turned into a field hospital.

  • Also, you're the surgeon general now."

  • And what's his next move, zookeeper

  • at Joe Exotic's animal park?

  • And even if the officials in that briefing were still

  • in government, I bet they didn't learn anything anyway

  • because Trump was standing directly in front of the screen.

  • So Trump had many warnings

  • that something like this was coming,

  • and yet he and his aides repeatedly downplayed

  • or dismissed the threat.

  • He said cases would go down to zero,

  • that it would miraculously disappear,

  • and compared it to the flu even though coronavirus

  • is much more infectious and much deadlier.

  • -This is a flu. This is like a flu.

  • You treat this like a flu.

  • It's a little like the regular flu that we have flu shots for.

  • And we'll essentially have a flu shot for this

  • in a fairly quick manner.

  • The flu in our country

  • kills from 25,000 people to 69,000 people a year.

  • That was shocking to me.

  • Over the last ten years, we've lost 360,000.

  • These are people that have died from the flu,

  • from what we call the flu.

  • -What do you mean, what we call the flu?

  • It's the flu.

  • We all call it the flu.

  • Trump talks about regular words

  • like they're complicated medical jargon.

  • "We in the scientific community call it the flu.

  • It's called that because it started over in Europe

  • and then it flew here."

  • Also basically everything he said in that clip was wrong.

  • Turns out you aren't an expert in science

  • just because you look like a science experiment.

  • He's like a bunch of body parts a dead gangster

  • has sewn together and brought to life

  • by a guy who went to school with Dr. Frankenstein

  • but dropped out sophomore year.

  • I can just see him being tormented by villagers

  • with torches -- "Ah, fire bad,

  • but not that bad, basically the same as the flu.

  • Ah!"

  • Trump should be in a documentary where Jane Goodall

  • teaches him sign language.

  • "Donald, can you say the words 'distribution emergency'?"

  • -Distribution evergency.

  • -And then less than a month ago, Trump tweeted,

  • "So last year 37,000 Americans died from the common flu.

  • It averages between 27,000 and 70,000 per year.

  • Nothing is shut down.

  • Life and the economy go on.

  • At this moment there are 546 confirmed cases

  • of coronavirus with 22 deaths.

  • Think about that."

  • Any time a world-renowned idiot like Donald Trump

  • tells you to think about that, that's your cue

  • to exit the conversation.

  • He's like the dumbest guy at a cocktail party

  • trying to make conversation by telling you

  • something he read on a Snapple cap.

  • "Broccoli, you know, only vegetable that's also a flower,

  • so, that's something to think about."

  • Of course, the lie that coronavirus is just like the flu

  • did obvious damage.

  • You know how many people heard that and then repeated it?

  • Even if you hated Donald Trump

  • and knew not to trust a word he said,

  • everyone had that one friend or relative

  • on the text chain who said,

  • "You know, it's not going to be so bad.

  • It's going to be like the flu."

  • Or I should say, "It's going to be like

  • what we call the flu."

  • And now that his White House is projecting as many as 100,000

  • to 200,000 deaths from the coronavirus,

  • Trump has once again shifted his tone.

  • -I've had many friends, businesspeople,

  • people with great actually common sense,

  • they said, "Why don't we ride it out?"

  • A lot of people have said, a lot of people have thought about it,

  • "Ride it out, don't do anything, just ride it out

  • and think of it as the flu."

  • But it's not the flu. It's vicious.

  • -You're the one who said it was the flu.

  • Those friends of yours were you.

  • Or more likely, your other personalities.

  • That's serious Trump, angry Trump, sweaty Trump,

  • and silly Trump.

  • "And they all told me this is just like the flu.

  • Silly Trump even said it with an old-timey car horn.

  • [ Horn honks ] [ Laughs ]

  • Oh, Silly Trump, you're incorrigible."

  • And then Trump tried to claim that despite repeatedly

  • ignoring the problem,

  • failing to surge hospital capacity,

  • and falling behind on testing which inhibited

  • our ability to trace and quarantine cases

  • the way South Korea did, his administration actually

  • deserved credit for bringing the projected death toll

  • down to only 100,000 to 200,000.

  • -What do the models suggest is on the low end

  • if you have full mitigation?

  • -It says 100,000 to 200,000.

  • Anything -- it's a lot of people, right?

  • It's a lot of people.

  • Well, you didn't ask the other question --

  • What would have happened -- because this is the question

  • that I've been asking Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx for a long time,

  • and they've been working on this for a long time --

  • The question is, what would have happened if we did nothing?

  • -That is what you did.

  • You did nothing, and you do nothing.

  • You work less than CBD oil.

  • And doing nothing is the only thing you're good at.

  • Even when you had your own game show, you were only on it

  • for like five minutes at the end.

  • You were Alex Trebek if he only showed up for Final Jeopardy!

  • "Let's take a look at those scores, and, yikes,

  • looks like someone doesn't know their potent potables."

  • And really it's a shame you're president right now

  • because both you're deeply ill-equipped for the job

  • and because if you weren't president,

  • you would have been great at quarantine.

  • All you'd have to do is sit at home, order takeout,

  • watch TV, and tweet like the rest of us,

  • and those are all your favorite things.

  • You would have killed it in quarantine.

  • President Hillary Clinton would have held you up as an example

  • of how to do social distancing.

  • "We all have to follow the advice of doctors

  • and stay at home, just like Donald Trump,

  • who is currently sitting in his pajamas

  • watching a rerun of "Maury" and tweeting,

  • "Colonel Sanders should be promoted to General Sanders.

  • He is a national hero."

  • And yet, because he managed to restrain himself for an hour

  • after weeks of lies and serial failures

  • that led us to this harrowing moment,

  • some in the media were actually gullible enough

  • after four years to give Trump credit

  • for his change of tone.