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  • Erm, I got married recently.


  • Thanks for playing along.

  • That's why I moved here. I married a British guy.


  • That lack of whooping when I say the word "British,"

  • that is the self-loathing I signed on for.

  • I love you guys.

  • I'm never going back!

  • So, he's British.

  • I married him for free health care, basically.

  • I know, right?

  • Not even a joke. Like, nothing turns an American on -

  • a decent personality, hot-rod bod -

  • I don't give a shit, OK?

  • Nothing is as good as being like,

  • "I can get all my moles removed for free?!"

  • Ahhhhh!

  • So hot, right? OK.

  • And anyway...

  • Jokes aside, erm...

  • It is genuinely this really exciting time

  • in my relaysh because I'm expecting. That's real.

  • That's real!


  • To have an affair. Now...


  • Here's the issue, right?

  • So, my husband and I, we've been together now for eight years

  • and this thing has started happening where, people talk

  • about the seven-year itch. That's what gets the airtime.

  • And I got that. Didn't scratch it.

  • Thank you.

  • Mistake. Thank you!

  • Because now I have what I've coined the eight-year rash.

  • It happens about eight years in. Right?

  • And it's where whatever it is that initially draws you to someone,

  • eight years later,

  • that's the same shit that repels you.

  • See, I meet a guy, right?

  • In the beginning, fun and games, right?

  • In the beginning, you're like...


  • You're, erm,

  • you're a little dirty, but...


  • ..I like it.

  • Eight years later.

  • Wash your balls!

  • Water and soap, asshole.

  • Ma'am, you're welcome.

Erm, I got married recently.


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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日