字幕列表 影片播放 列印英文字幕 Erm, I got married recently. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Thanks for playing along. That's why I moved here. I married a British guy. SCATTERED CHEERING That lack of whooping when I say the word "British," that is the self-loathing I signed on for. I love you guys. I'm never going back! So, he's British. I married him for free health care, basically. I know, right? Not even a joke. Like, nothing turns an American on - a decent personality, hot-rod bod - I don't give a shit, OK? Nothing is as good as being like, "I can get all my moles removed for free?!" Ahhhhh! So hot, right? OK. And anyway... Jokes aside, erm... It is genuinely this really exciting time in my relaysh because I'm expecting. That's real. That's real! CHEERING To have an affair. Now... LAUGHTER Here's the issue, right? So, my husband and I, we've been together now for eight years and this thing has started happening where people...like, people talk about the seven-year itch. That's what gets the airtime. And I got that. Didn't scratch it. Thank you. Mistake. Thank you! Because now I have what I've coined the eight-year rash. It happens about eight years in. Right? And it's where whatever it is that initially draws you to someone, eight years later, that's the same shit that repels you. See, I meet a guy, right? In the beginning, fun and games, right? In the beginning, you're like... GIGGLES COYLY You're, erm, you're a little dirty, but... GIGGLES ..I like it. Eight years later. Wash your balls! Water and soap, asshole. Ma'am, you're welcome.