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  • Every year we learn more about our past as human beings,

  • and a new discovery in Indonesia

  • might mean that our past is much older than we thought.

  • Archaeologists are amazed and excited by the discovery

  • of prehistoric cave art recently found in Indonesia.

  • Cave art being studied by Griffith University adademics

  • Adam Brumm and Max Aubert

  • could be the oldest ever discovered

  • BRUMM: It shows this incredible hunting scene,

  • which might have spiritual connotations.

  • NEWSMAN: The big concern now is that the Sulawesi artwork

  • could vanish.

  • BRUMM: It's a real tragedy.

  • This image is... is peeling away off the wall, essentially.

  • It's flaking off.

  • It could be gone within our own lifetime.

  • Uh, so stop touching it.

  • (laughter)

  • This art lasted 44,000 years, and then these guys show up

  • like, "Oh, no, it's in danger. Aw, look at that.

  • "It's just chipping away.

  • "Look, when I scratch it, it comes right off.

  • We got to do something, mate. Bring the sandblaster."

  • (laughter)

  • You know what I really love

  • about discovering ancient art in a cave is that it shows

  • that cavemen were more creative than we think.

  • And it also shows that they didn't give a shit

  • about their security deposit.

  • Yeah. They're just like, "Screw it, we got no heat, no water.

  • -I'm drawing on the walls." -(laughter)

  • And I'm always impressed that scientists can date

  • exactly how old these paintings are.

  • You know, it must be, like, a really crazy chemical analysis.

  • Or they just saw it in the background

  • of one of Bernie Sanders' childhood photos.

  • It could be that. It could be that.

  • -He was seven there. -(laughter)

  • But let's move on to high school proms.

  • It's that time of the year

  • when young people work up the courage to get rejected

  • by someone who didn't even know they exist.

  • And for one young man, his prom proposal

  • took a really unexpected turn.

  • A Carson City teen regained the full use of his hand,

  • but it came at the expense of another one of his body parts.

  • Doctors detached Aidan Atkins index toe

  • and used it to recreate a thumb.

  • Aidan says he wasn't able to use the thumb he sawed off,

  • well, because he couldn't find it.

  • He lost his thumb

  • trying to make his girlfriend an invitation to prom

  • Aiden says the accident happened so fast

  • that he didn't have time to react.

  • He says he's thankful it wasn't much worse.

  • Wow.

  • Yo, man, kudos to that guy.

  • That is an amazing story.

  • Like, I'm glad the doctors were able to give him his hand back,

  • and I'm genuinely impressed at his great attitude.

  • Like, he had to replace his thumb with a toe,

  • but he's still like, "You know what, life goes on."

  • -(laughter) -Yeah.

  • I get a pimple on my forehead, I'm like, "I'm gonna die!

  • Don't look at me!"

  • And, guys, you got to admit, science is amazing.

  • 'Cause I didn't know doctors could put your toe on your hand

  • and it would work as a finger.

  • 'Cause that basically means that our toes

  • are replacement fingers. Right?

  • Yeah, you know what it's like? It's like when a shirt

  • comes with extra buttons sewn in.

  • That's what God designed-- if we lose a finger,

  • we can just be like, "Oh, well, seven more to go."

  • (laughter)

  • And in some ways, it might even be better

  • having some of your fingers be toes, you know?

  • Like, now you can get a mani-pedi at the same time.

  • Just... And by the way, what an upgrade for that toe.

  • Can we admit that? Yes? I bet all the other toes

  • must have thrown it a huge going-away party.

  • Just like, "Did you hear?

  • "Middle toe's moving up to the big time!

  • "He's gonna be a finger! Yeah...!

  • "Don't forget us when you're holding things, Middy!

  • Don't forget us!"

  • He's like, "I'll come back, guys.

  • "I'll help you clip your nails,

  • "and I'll tell you what the inside of a nose looks like!

  • -Yay...!" -(laughter, groans)

  • I actually wonder if this works for other parts of the body.

  • 'Cause I'm fascinated now.

  • Like, can you use a leg as an arm?

  • Or can you use a knee as a shoulder?

  • I mean, it must be possible to swap parts,

  • because Donald Trump uses a vagina as a neck. I mean...

  • (laughter, shouts)

  • Yeah. Just like, "Sometimes I grab me by the pussy."

  • All right. And finally,

  • Christmas is just around the corner,

  • and apparently, for parents,

  • there's a fun, new holiday tradition.

  • Have you ever had your kids pose for pictures on Santa's lap?

  • Smiles all around, right?

  • Didn't think so.

  • Mark Strassmann met a photographer in Atlanta

  • who embraces the holly and the not so jolly.

  • STRASSMANN: This is photographer Jeff Roffman's studio.

  • In here, a white Christmas often turns blue.

  • -(crying) -ROFFMAN: We have parents come in here

  • hoping their kids will cry, uh, and they leave disappointed

  • if their kids don't.

  • -Run, everybody, run, run, run! -(screaming)

  • STRASSMANN: Roffman was floored

  • parents wanted their kids to cry.

  • (crying)

  • He had 7,000 photo shoots available over six weeks.

  • They sold out in ten minutes.

  • Okay, that is so mean.

  • (laughter)

  • Parents are making their babies cry

  • just so that they can get a cool-looking picture?

  • You know what I hope?

  • I hope those kids get revenge.

  • I hope in 40 years,

  • they drop their parents off at a nursing home

  • and then take pictures of them crying

  • while the Jamaican nurse is holding them back.

  • Yeah. That's what that should be.

  • Just have their parents on the nurse lap,

  • like, just crying.

  • They're like, "Don't leave me with this lady.

  • I don't even know who she is."

  • They'll be like, "Her name's karma, bitch."

  • (laughter and applause)

  • Nurse will be like, "Actually, my name's Gladys,

  • but you're right. Your daddy's a little bitch."

  • (laughter)

  • This is a great example of how parents make their kids

  • do things that they say they shouldn't do.

  • 'Cause parents are always like, "Strangers are dangerous.

  • If you ever feel uncomfortable, run away."

  • The kid's like, "I'm uncomfortable now."

  • "Shut up! I'm trying to get a photo, Timmy."

  • Like, this whole practice

  • of sitting on an old man's lap to get presents is weird to me.

  • That's why I'm not gonna let my kids sit on Santa's lap.

  • If my kids want presents,

  • they can do it the old-fashioned way:

  • by fighting to the death on Black Friday.

Every year we learn more about our past as human beings,

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印尼的史前藝術、災難性的求婚和悲傷的聖誕老人照片|每日秀 (Prehistoric Art in Indonesia, a Disastrous Prom Proposal & Sad Santa Photos | The Daily Show)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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