No thanks man. I'm high on life. Tomorrow is promised to no one.
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
Well, opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one.
Okay, you did two things wrong. One is you asked a question and two is you asked another question.
This kind of certainty comes but just once in a lifetime.
Every gun makes it's own tune.
An accident is fate. Murder is evil.
You're a legend in your own mind.
Everybody's got a right to be a sucker once.
Nobody, I mean nobody, puts ketchup on a hotdog.
Well, it's what people know about themselves inside that makes them afraid. How do you like your steak?
Steak sauce? Well, that's a nice touch.
How do you like your steak Sally? Rare. Good, well I'll wipe its ass, herd it through and you can tear off a slab. How's that?
If I was half as ugly as you Sergeant Major, I'd be a poster boy for a prophylactic.
I have dined with some of the ugliest goddamned bitches in my time. And I have dined with some of the goddamned ugly bitches in this world. But you my dear are the ugliest bitch of them all.
Do you have any kids Lieutenant? No. Lucky for them.
With all due respect sir, you're beginning to bore the hell out of me.
Maybe in an amateur contest with a braying jackass you might stand a chance. You couldn't take care of a wet dream.
Can I make a statement McKay? Go ahead! Your mouthwash ain't making it.
When was the last time you saw chicken shit Jim Bob? When you were shaving this morning?
This giving you a thrill Jim Bob? Groping a man's crotch like that?
I don't give any fucking serviceman's discount. Too bad your old lady does.
Your lucky numbers are 84, 23, 11, 78, and 99. What a load of shit.
You're my lucky number.
Say what? What? What? What? What?
Why what? What's that?
What happened? What's up?
I eat concertina wire, I piss napalm, and I can put a round through a flea's ass at 200 meters.
I'm just a country boy.
Every notice how you come across somebody once in awhile you shouldn't have fucked with? That's me.
You and I ought to be friends. Are you a friend? I'm a friend.
Nobody calls me mister with my boots off.
Now look here buddy. Don't call me buddy, pal, or sweetheart.
- brother Hogan. Look, I told you not to brother me. I'm not your brother.
Look, I'm an American. I don't even know why the hell I'm here.
I'm an American, I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Hi.
What are you pointing the gun at the suitcase for? It's dead already.
Your mother... Is far too nice a lady for that. Heh heh heh.
Am I being paranoid or is he busting my balls? Wasp nest? Well, that's terrible.
I'm talking about rumors of a cheap frayed collared hole in the shoe peeper who's trying to climb in bed with the wrong kind of snotballs.
Bleach smells like bleach.
Are you horizontal, Randy boy? Panther piss.
I just need a strong man to help me. I guess that makes me a cosmo fugitive.
Somebody's up on deck.
Hot damn! I think it's great, it's history making.
She's not asking for God's help. She's asking for mine.
I got to put all that shit back on, goddamn it.
Why don't you just quit your bitching and just remember what's at the end of the line?
Here's to us ducks cause we don't give a quack.
I'll be back.
Do I know your mama?
There's nothing you have to say that Mrs. Wade wants to hear. You don't look like Mrs. Wade.
Well, on a scale of ten, I'd have to give her a two and that's only because I've never seen a one before.
Shit, fire, and save the matches.
Goodbye you flat chested, buck toothed women.
And I cry when you're bluuueeee.
But suddenly my words reached someone else's ears.
Well, that's just swell. It's swell.
Swell. Marvelous. Marvelous.
Right turn Clyde.
But there were four rats in there when I changed my lights, now there's only three. It's my considered opinion that rat number four is sitting inside that cat.
We're going to play this game called 'Speed Zoo'. Speed Zoo? Monkeys. Monkeys! Birdies. Birdies!
And I've drunk more beer, pissed more blood, and banged more quiff, busted more balls then all you numbnuts put together.
Dropping napalm, follow in order.
Dying ain't much of a living boy. Bang!
It's a hell of a thing, killing a man. You take away all he's got and all he's ever going to have.
Do I know you friend? No, not really.
I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, I'll tell you the truth. In all this excitement, I've kind of lost track myself. But being this is a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?
You looking at something?
I don't think it's nice, you laughing.
It's a seven point suppository Captain. What did you say? I said stick it in your ass.
Just because we're holding hands doesn't mean we're going to take warm showers till the wee hours of the morning. You hear me?
Go ahead. Make my day.
I sure like the way you talk.
Hey! Watch your language lady. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Keep dreaming shitball.
How much of this shit do I have to listen to?
I'm on a need-to-know basis. You don't need to know dick. You asssssswhole-whole-whole-whole!
Yeah. Son of a bitch.
I'm calling you a liar and a cheat and a fat porky son of a bitch.
Harry, I think you're a yellow, rotten, sadistic son of a bitch.
You pompous son of a bitch! And that son of a bitch is hurting out there, and I'm fuckin' liking it.