Hey, guys. So if you've been subscribed to my channel for a while,

嗨，如果你訂閱我的頻道有一陣子了，

you know that I make a lot of commercial  or infomercial spoofs.

該知道我戲仿不少商業廣告或電視購物。

轉承詞

And the reason for that is because I think...

..so many of these commercials are just so irritating.

I mean, they're already taking away  from whatever it is you're watching.

都已經毀了正在看節目的樂趣，

And, most of the time, they're  not even entertaining.

The only time they tell the truth is at the very end of a commercial,

when they're talking really fast and you can't even understand them anyway.

就講話超快，反正你也聽不懂。

Kind of like what I'm doing right now, I guess.

For example, you know at the end of a toy commercial...

The Hand Shaking Double-Ball Slapping Toy does not actually talk, move, dance, teach kids how to read or really do anything that we mentioned in this commercial. Satisfaction is not guaranteed. Batteries not included.

雙球手搖玩具不言、不動、不舞、不教小孩閱讀或做這則廣告提到的任何事。滿意沒保證。電池沒有附。

They always have those quick disclaimers that have...

..all the side effects of the medicine at the very end,

and sometimes it's even worse than what the medicine's supposed to cure.

一些甚至比該藥治好的病症還可怕。

(speaking rapidly) Higasprin does not protect  against HIV, STDs or PIMPs.

(快速念)Higa斯匹靈不防愛滋病毒、性病或仙人掌骨膜炎。

If you experience nausea, heartburn, headaches, vomiting, dizziness,

你會感到噁心、燒心、頭痛、嘔吐或暈眩。

loss of sight, diarrhea, gonorrhea, sangria, or even death,

失明、腹瀉、淋病、大出血(sangria為西文，此處為了與前面押韻) 甚至死亡。

contact your doctor because Higasprin  may not be right for you...

聯絡醫生吧，Higa斯匹靈可能不適合你...

..and we are not liable. Batteries are not included.

我們可不負責，也不「附」電池。

But more than anything that I hate about commercials

is probably the subliminal messaging in it.

You know, like in every shampoo commercial they use these beautiful, perfect girls

像洗髮乳廣告都祭出性感尤物，

Because they want to put it in the back of your head that if you use their product...

因為這可以左右你的大腦，以為使用他們的產品，

I mean, come on! Would you buy a shampoo if the commercial looked like this?

喔！拜託！你會買廣告拍成這樣的洗髮乳嗎？

Hairball essences. Batteries not included.

頭毛精華(Hairball 諧音 Herbal:草本)，不附電池。

because this is what commercials would really look like if they were.

因為一變得誠實，它們的真面目就會像...

-What do you think he's on this time? -I don't know. Shrooms?

你覺得他又吃錯什麼藥了？－啊災，迷幻蘑菇？

吸元氣(Pep:活力, Pepsi:百事可樂)。至少它不是迷幻蘑菇。

He drinks beer, not because it tastes good, but because all his friends do.

他喝啤酒，並非啤酒好喝，而是因為朋友們都喝。

He's quick to make decisions... that he would later regret.

他很快做出決定...但不久就後悔了。

He wakes up like a new person... that has a headache and nausea all day.

醒來時像變了個人...頭痛噁心了一整天。

I don't always drink beer,  but when I do, I prefer not to.

我不常喝酒，但當我喝酒，我寧可不喝。

保持清醒吧，冰友！(以上仿自 Dos Equis: The Most Interesting Man In The World 啤酒廣告)

A delicious, hot, juicy 75 grams of fat.  Less than 875 calories.

美味、勁辣、多汁的脂肪75克。少於875大卡。

Fries, dripping with oil and probably some sweat from the guy cooking them.

油膩膩的薯條，說不定還沾上了員工的香汗。

And a 32 ounce cup of soda that could be enough for a family in Africa.

加上一杯32盎司的汽水，都足以給非洲的一家子享用。

You'll feel so full, you won't even want to move.

Thanks to the all new Angus cheddar cheese Big Whopamac Meal Burger.

多虧安格斯牛肉切達起司「激憤大麥克」。(Whopa:亢奮/ Big Mac:大麥克)

because we forgot to give you half your order.

因為我們忘了上你另一半的餐點了。

(hums McDonald's jingle) That's copyrighted!

With nearly ten miles per gallon,  a whopping 145 different horse powers,

每十英里一加侖的耗油、強大又特殊的145馬力輸出。

equipped with a neighborhood  waking exhaust system,

and a working engine light that will come on for no reason,

all backed by our one month warranty that you're gonna need.

保固期有一個月，你絕對會用上。

The all new, used, 2004, 3 wheel drive, four door, H-150 with a hemi-roid. By Getta.

全新、二手、2004年製、三輪驅動、四門、H-150型號、hemi引擎， Getta呈現。

Getta，唯一首選。(雙關get a cat:去買輛車)

Hello, I'm the spokesperson for GEICO Insurance.

嗨，我是蓋可(政府雇員)保險公司的發言人。(GEICO 諧音 gecko:壁虎)

Or should I say "Spokesgecko"? (fake laughter)

或我該說「壁虎發言人」？（該公司的吉祥物即為壁虎）(裝笑)

I've nothing to do with car insurance,  or comedy for that matter.

關於這點，我跟汽車保險或喜劇扯不上什麼關係。

In fact, I think the only reason why I'm here is because the comedy name is similar to Gecko.

老實說，我在這裡只因喜劇的名字聽來像壁虎罷了。(此處應該指 Gekko and the Super Ninjalinos)

Gecko. In 15 minutes, you could spend 15 percent more time...

壁虎保險。只要15分鐘就完成投保，大概

比我們寫這廣告的時間還多出15% (仿造蓋可保險著名標語:15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.)

Well, thanks to Cash-2-Gold, you can now send us your gold.

別慌！有了「金條換現金」，你就可以把金條送我們...

Cash-2-Gold: We're a real business.. (breaks into laughter)

「金條換現金」，誠信不騙。（笑爛）

I'm sorry. Charlie, I can't do this one, man!

拍謝啦查理，這我說不出口啦！

-I'm not going to do this one! -(Charlie) Just do the damn voice over, dammit!

我死都不會唸的！－該死！你快點唸就對了！

-You're stealing from old people. -(Charlie) Don't you point at me.

你這樣是拐騙老人家－別指著我。

-(Charlie) Don't you dare point at me again. -Charlie, don't come over here.

你再指著我試試看！－喂查理，別過來啊！

(Charlie) Don't you point at me! I'll bite that finger!

你還敢指著我！我會咬爛你那根手指！

喔查理！唉呦！查理！啊啊喔。

Introducing the new iPhone: it's okay if you drop it

新iPhone問世：不小心摔到也沒關係，

because the next one's probably coming  out a month after you get this one.

因為買了這支，新款大概過一個月就發表了。

With Bouncy's new rip-in-halfs, there's now 100 percent more sheets per roll!

有了Bouncy兩瓣式的新紙巾，每卷將多出一倍的紙張量！

Because you can now take a half sheet instead of a full one.

因為不用撕滿一張紙，您只要撕半片即可！

Because when you're at your worst,  Bouncey is like a purse.

當你陷入低谷，Bouncy就像一只囊袋。

You know, cuz' it holds things in it and picks stuff up and--and--

欸...呃因為它能容納和收拾您的物品...也能...

Charlie! This one doesn't make sense either, man!

(Charlie) I'm sick of this sh*t.  I'm quittin' this job soon.

(Charlie) I don't f*cking want to deal with this (beep).

Alright, so maybe I exaggerated some of these.

Anyway, thank you guys so much for watching.

I know I haven't done one of these type  of rants or Off The Pill type of things,

唉我沒做過這類打抱不平或歇斯底里的東西。

【看影片學英語】數萬部 YouTube 影片，搭配英漢字典即點即查，輕鬆掌握單字發音與用法，長久累積看電影不必再看字幕。學這些英文用法：廣告,壁虎,查理,金條,保險,誠實,電池,現金,大麥克,啤酒,諧音,迷幻,發言人,蘑菇,頭痛,iphone,玩具,噁心,對了,產品,百事,仙人掌,西文,女人,手環,小孩,型號,誠信,快速,切達,吵醒,版權,歇斯底里,腹瀉,加侖,吉祥物,出血,輸出,紙巾,公司,汽水,押韻,精華,好喝,愛心,餐點,主題曲,驅動,潛意識,多汁,藥品,副作用,可樂,引擎,上市,薯條,牛肉,麥當勞,聯絡,起司,謊言,清醒,脂肪,聲明,吃到,非洲,世上,結尾,資金,邪惡,商品,性感,員工,購物,鄰居,該死,醒來,樂趣,實話,發表,陷入,全新,演員,閱讀,刺激,特殊,訊息,現代,沒關係,拜託,醫生,大腦,保證,重點,提到,電視,死亡,適合,政府,試試,可怕,做出,樣子,頻道,關係,完成,名字,訂閱,決定,朋友,感覺,使用,看看,時間,看到,洗髮乳,片尾,搖頭,台詞,喜劇,紙張量,冰友,轉版,淋病,安格斯,講話,一家子,囊袋...