現在進行式

Hi, everyone. I'm Jade. What we're talking about today is saying the right thing

嗨，大家好，我是潔得。今天我們要談論的是如何在朋友心情低落、遇到問題時

when you've got a friend who's feeling down, your friend's got a problem.

用適當的方式、話語對待他們。

情態助動詞 A2

We're specifically talking about a friend who has lost a job, but you could use the same advice

在這邊我們具體要講的是失業了的朋友，但你也可以給相同的建議

for a friend with a different problem; a friend with a breakup or some other emotional thing that's happened in their life.

給有不一樣問題的朋友，像是剛分手或是在生活中遇到的一些其他造成情緒波動事件的朋友。

So the formal word for this is: "consoling", "to console" someone,

所以描述這種狀況的正式用語為：『 Consoling 』，『去安慰 』某人，

how to make somebody feel better about themselves or their problem.

如何讓某人對他們自己或他們的問題感到好過一點。

So what should you do in this situation? Well, a lot of the time, when people have a problem,

所以你在這種情況下該怎麼辦呢？嗯，大部分時間裡，當人們遇到問題，

they just want to talk to someone. Maybe they're not seeking advice. So what can you do?

他們就只是想要跟某個人傾訴。他們可能不是真的要你的建議。所以你能做什麼？

You can ask questions. So remember we're talking about somebody who's recently lost a job or is losing a job,

你可以問一些問題來引導他抒發。請記得我們現在針對的是那些最近剛失業或準備要失業的朋友，

we can ask them questions. We can say: "What are you going to do now?"

我們可以問他們一些問題如：『 你現在打算怎麼做？』

Maybe your tone of voice wouldn't be really positive like that. It would be more like:

也許你的語氣不能太正面積極。反倒比較像是：

"Oh, what are you going to do now?" It would be more soft.

『 喔，那你打算怎麼做才好？』像這樣比較緩和、輕柔。

You could say... This is... This is an indirect question. "Have you thought about..?",

你可以說...這是...這是個不那麼直接的方式。『 你有想過這樣...嗎?』，

"Have you thought about training again?" This is a way of... This is a suggestion.

『 你有想過要再參加受訓課程嗎？』這是一種給予建議的方式。

Or you could say: "Are you looking for another job?" So this way, your friend can just start talking

或者你可以說：『 你有在找其他的工作嗎？』透過這個方式，你的朋友可以開始訴說

and maybe that will help them in their difficult situation.

而那樣或者可以幫助他們在困境中釐清思緒。

Because, as a friend, you need to "be supportive", helping your friend out when they need help.

因為，身為一個朋友，你需要做的是"支持"，在你的朋友有難時給予幫助。

You could "be a shoulder to cry on", that's an idiom for somebody who just...

你可以當他『 想哭泣時能夠依靠的肩膀 』，這是當某個人正好

Who just needs someone to share their feelings with. If you're a shoulder to cry on

需要一個能夠傾訴他們情緒的對象時可以使用的慣用語。如果當你朋友需要你的時候

when your friend needs you, that means that you're a good friend. And here's another expression:

你是那個可以讓他依賴的人，那代表你是個好的朋友。而這裡有另一個表達方式：

"A friend in need is a friend indeed." And it kind of has the opposite meaning to what you'd expect.

『 患難見真情 』。它的意思可能跟你所想的相反。

My feeling is this means that you should be the kind of... Real friends are there for you

我覺得你應該要是...真的朋友會在你需要他們

when you really need them. If you're there for people when they need you,

的時候支持你。如果你在別人需要你的時候在身邊陪伴，

that means that you're a friend indeed. So if you are a friend... If you are a friend indeed,

代表你是患難之交。所以如果你是一個...如果你是個患難之交，

then you would ask your friend some questions to help them in their difficult situation.

那你會問你的朋友幾個問題去幫助他們度過難關。

When your friend has a difficult situation, watch out that you don't give advice that they're not asking for

當你的朋友在困境當中，注意當他們沒有要求時就不要給意見

because a lot of the time, people don't really want to hear your advice -

因為大多數時間，人們並不是真的想要聽到你的建議

that's the truth maybe. If you ask someone for advice, it's different.

那應該是事實。如果你請別人給建議，又是另一回事了。

I've had a couple of times in my life where someone giving advice is that probably

我人生中有幾次經歷，遇到給了朋友建議之後，反而讓我心情更糟，

had the opposite effect from what they intended; the advice is not felt right or something I haven't liked

與他們的意圖相反。也許是那些建議聽起來感覺不對或是我不喜歡的，

about the advice, and then it can be... Then it can be a problem.

那這樣，好心建議就變成了問題。所以如果你對

So if you say to your friend who's just lost their job: "You should get down the job centre."

一個剛失業的朋友說：『 你應該去就業中心看看有沒有新職缺 』。

The job centre is where you go if you haven't got... If you haven't got a job in England and you need

就業中心就是當你失業時...如果你在英國失業但你需要

some money and support from the government. If you said to your friend: "You should get down the job centre",

政府給予金錢與支持時去的地方。如果你對朋友說："你應該去就業中心"，

they might not... They might not be... They might not want your advice right now.

他們可能不...他們可能不是...他們現在可能不想要聽你的建議。

Another way you would give your friend advice is if you said: "If I were you",

另一個你可能給予朋友建議的方式是：『 如果我是你的話 』，

"If I were you, I'd go to my boss and say: 'Look, you're not going to fire me. All right?

『 如果我是你，我會去跟我的老闆說：“聽著，你不可以開除我，知道嗎？

I dare you to fire me.'" Well, your friend might be like that, but this might not be something you want to do.

你敢開除我試試看”』嗯，你的朋友可能會覺得中聽，但這可能不是你想要做的。

What should you do if giving direct advice could be a little bit difficult, a little bit tricky?

那當你覺得給直接建議有困難、有一點微妙的時候該怎麼辦呢？

You could try making these indirect suggestions, a bit like this one.

你可以試試一些間接的建議，有點像這個：

"Have you considered... Hmm, I'm sorry to hear that you lost your job. You must be feeling awful.

『 你有想過...嗯嗯，我很遺憾聽到你丟掉工作。你一定覺得遭透了。

Have you considered calling your colleagues that you used to work with to tell them that

你有考慮打給舊同事，告訴他們

you're looking for a job now?" Or: "Have you thought about... Too bad you lost your job.

你正在找新工作嗎？』或者：『 你有想過...你丟了工作真是太難過了。

Have you thought about becoming a movie star?" You could indirectly advise your friend to do that.

你有想過成為一個電影明星嗎？』你可以間接的建議你朋友那樣做。

The main... The main reason it would be better to make your suggestion like this is that

主要的...給予間接建議之所以比較好的主要原因是由於

this avoids giving condescending, or patronising, or unsympathetic advice to someone.

這樣可以避免讓人感到你散發一種優越感，或高人一等，或是給予沒有同情心的建議。

These are long words, but they're not that... They're not that complicated.

這些字都有些長，但它們並不是...它們並沒有那麼複雜。

"Condescending", is like imagine you're in this situation: you've just lost your job and somebody says to you:

『 高高在上的』以想像下面的情境來說明：你丟了工作，而某人對你說：

"Why don't you start looking for jobs on the internet?" That would be a little bit condescending.

『 你怎麼不開始在網路上找新工作？』這就態度有點高傲了。

Right? Because you know... You know how to look for a job. What if they said to you:

對吧？因為你知道...你知道怎麼找工作。又如果他們對你說：

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll eventually get something. I mean you don't have many qualifications,

『 別擔心，我相信你最後一定會找到工作。我是說你也許沒有很多條件

but you'll probably get something eventually"? That might be patronising;

但你最終很有可能會有所收獲的 』，這就有點瞧不起人了。

your friend is seeing themselves as: "It didn't take me long to get a job, but, you know, after a few months,

你的朋友覺得他們自己是：『我沒有花太多時間就找到了工作，但，你知道，過了幾個月後

you'll probably get something. You can work your way up." That would be patronising.

你可能就會有工作了啦。你會找到出路的』。 這就有點令人感覺高高在上。

And "unsympathetic" would be like: "Oh, you lost your job. Oh, yeah. So, do you want to go out now?"

而『沒同情心』會像是：『喔，你丟工作了喔。喔，對啦。所以，你現在想要出去嗎？』

Unsympathetic is somebody not listening to you.

So what else can you do? If you're in this situation, you can share your experience with your friend.

那，你還能怎麼做？如果你處於這狀況，你可以分享你的經驗給你的朋友。

Share your feelings and the kind of things that you've been through in your life.

與你的朋友分享你的感受，和你人生中所經歷過的事情。

So here's some sentences: "When I was made redundant it was a big shock."

所以這邊列了一些句子：『當我被解雇時我十分震驚。』

What does it mean to "be made redundant"? This is when your company decides that some people

什麼叫做『 be made redundant 』？這是當你的公司決定讓某些人

are going to get fired, some people will lose their job,

but it's not always because you didn't perform well at your job; it's just the company decision: 10 people have to go,

但並非總是因為工作上表現的不好才會這樣，這就只是公司決策：有10位員工必須離職，

you're someone who's going and they pay you, generally, when you're made redundant.

你是其中一位要被資遣的員工，他們會付你錢，一般而言，當你被解雇時。

So when you share your experience with someone, that makes them see that

所以當你和某人分享你的經驗的時候，那讓他們好像看見

maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel. There's another idiom that maybe things will be better.

隧道口可能有一到曙光般。這有另一個表達事情會有轉機的慣用語。

They don't seem good now, but maybe things will be better after.

事情現在看起來不明朗，但也許後來會比較好。

Here's another example: "When Sally lost her job she took the opportunity to retrain."

這有另一個例子：『 當莎利丟了他的工作，她把握機會再去受訓練。』

If someone's feeling bad, they might just be focusing on the negatives like:

如果某人心情不好，他們可能就只會關注消極的部分像是：

"Oh, I'm never going to work again. It's awful. I love that job."

『 喔，我永遠不會再工作了。好糟，我好喜歡那份工作。』

But then they just might be talking too negatively, so you can make... You can make a suggestion.

但是他們可能只是講的太負面。這時你可以...你可以作出一個提議。

You can share an experience that shows that from change can come something good.

你可以分享改變可以帶來一些好事情的經驗。

And here's another example: "At first I was anxious"-talking about when I lost my job-

這有另一例：『 一開始我覺得焦慮 』，在我訴說我失業的事情時，

"but I soon saw that it was a blessing in disguise."

『 但我很快就發現這是因禍得福。 』

And that's the idiom or expression for when something seems bad, but in the end, it was the best thing that could possibly happen.

而這個片語或用法是用在事情看起來不好的時候，但最後，那是可能發生的最美好的事了。

When we come back, we will just look at a couple other phrases we can use for this situation.

休息一下，回來之後，我們會來看其他幾個可以用在這情境的片語。

Let's take a look at what to say to your friend who is down in the dumps, feeling a bit sad because they lost their job.

我們看一下對於丟了工作而陷入泥沼中的朋友，因為失業而心情低落。

What else can we say? So you could offer your support or help.

我們還能說什麼呢？你可以表示支持或提供幫助。

So here's some phrases you could say: "Let me know if there's anything I can do."

這有幾個片語你可以用：『 如果有任何我能幫得上忙的地方請告訴我。』

That's a very sweet offer for your friend who needs some help right now.

這是當你朋友需要幫忙時聽起來格外窩心的一句話。

Or you could say simply: "I'm here for you if you need anything."

或你可以就說：『 你需要的話就跟我說一聲，我隨時都在。』

What about reassuring your friend? "Reassurance" means saying like a positive message to them

那如何讓你的朋友安定心情呢？『 Reassurance 』是指說一些正面的話

so that maybe they feel more hopeful about the future.

好讓他們感到對未來抱有希望。

"Don't worry, everything will be ok." What do you think about that one? Yeah, I think like in general,

『 別擔心，事情會好轉的。 』你覺得那句怎麼樣？是的，我認為大致上來說，

eventually everything will be okay. But some people might not really like your reassurance

最終一切都會好轉的。但某些人可能會不喜歡你的保證，

because it might... Everything might seem really, really, really bleak

因為那可能... 全部的事情可能都看起來非常、非常、非常的黯淡，

and it might also sometimes feel like you don't want to talk about their problem if you just say: "Everything will be okay."

而且如果你只有說：『 一切都會好轉 』的話，他們可能有時也覺得你好像不想談論他們的問題

So perhaps... Perhaps a better one to say is: "Something will come up.",

所以或許...或許比較好的方式是說：『 事情會有轉機的 』，

"Something will come up" just means that, you know, a new opportunity; you won't have to wait too long,

『 事情會有轉機 』就只是說，你知道，會有新的機會，你不需要等太久，

something else will come up for you. The phrasal verb, "come up" means to happen or arise, more formally.

事情自然會找上你。片語動詞『 come up 』意思是發生或升起，比較正式。

So you can turn that sad face into a happy face. But we can't say:

所以你可以讓他們的苦瓜臉稍微擠出一點笑容。但我們卻要避免說：

『 Up in the dumps (開心點) 』這是行不通的。

So, yeah, so sometimes if you... If you've been talking to a friend for a while

所以，是的，有時如果你..如果你已經跟一個朋友聊了一段時間

and they're just going on a bit now and, you know, they're all sad and crying or something -

而他們但是有些狀況，你知道，像是他們全陷在悲傷情緒、哭泣等等，

what can you do then? Well, you might consider making a joke of the situation.

你能怎麼做？這個嘛，你可以考慮拿這個狀況開個玩笑。

I don't know if you do that in your culture. But in British culture, sometimes in this situation,

我不知道那樣做在你們的文化中適不適當。但在英國文化中，有時在這種狀況，

someone would make a joke. And maybe at first that joke sounds quite mean,

某些人可能會開個玩笑。而或許一開始那個笑話聽起來格外刺耳，

but it does something to just change the focus of the situation so... We've all been upset, someone makes a joke

但這的確有助於轉移狀況的焦點。所以...我們都有沮喪過，當某人開了個玩笑的時候

and it's like: "All right, it's time to stop crying now."

就像是：『 好吧，該停止哭哭啼啼的了 』

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