• US / ˈnuzˌpepɚ, ˈnjuz-/
  • UK /ˈnju:zpeɪpə(r)/
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  • n. 報紙 ; 報;
  • The newspaper nowadays is full of gossip rather than real news
  1. A homeless person's blanket.
    Tyrone prefers the LA Times newspaper to the Daily News newspaper to keep himself warm at night.
  2. An instrument aiding the execution of the common house fly.
    damnit its another fucking fly ruining my general eating experience, here pass me that newspaper...*big chase ensues* WHAP... damn straight its dead.*picks smeared remains up off cupboard door*
  3. 1. A pastime for people while taking a shit. 2. To read the newspaper is a euphemism for taking a shit.
    Oh crap...hold on, guys, I gotta go read the newspaper. *toilet water splashes*